Lucid living

Married to a nocturnal mirage.
Bound to an indefinite movement of the clock.
Ensnared in a net of pure affection.
Menaced by the growl of my own conscience.
Weakened by the brightest star of my universe.
Entertained by a fictional adventure through time,space and souls.
Hurt by a cold touch from the sky.
Locked up in a warp of aromatic steams and divine clusters of music.
Enchanted by the sound of my own laughter breaking against the silence of the sunset.
Proud of a gift I wish to never return.
Content with the smallest miracles that make life worth living.
Dazzled by the wonderful ache that is beauty in all its shapes and forms.

"everybody is somebody's someone"

Salvation in the making

I'd trade my nightmares for pebbles
and throw them into the sea-
let the fish crash under the pressure
of all my famished fears!

I'd burn all the papers
which scarred my fingers-
may the ground feast upon
the insufficiency that lingers!

I'd bury my soul in clean sheets
of sun and solace-
if I can't have eternity,
might as well reap the moment!

I'd sink into the abyss
of every written story-
let my body become ink
and my mind unsigned bliss!

I'd embrace the entirety of beauty
with naked arms-
that miracle would destroy me,
but what an end to it all!

I'd erase sorrow and grief
by perishing as sacrifice-
for I can't bear another second
in the silence of the damned!

I'd give the world another chance
and grace it with new eyes-
the foundation is set to carry
the body of another Paradise!

The miracle of kitty life

You guys probably know by now that I tend to overshare.I read somewhere that it's because,being a self-proclaimed introvert,I'd much rather tell my personal problems and/or thoughts in a virtual environment than confess to my friends and family.Which I'm totally cool with.Because of reasons.Anyway...

I am currently extremely happy and shaky and full of undefinable feelings.The main reason for this array of emotional nuances is that I basically helped one of my darling cats deliver four balls of adorable fur.Yes,you might say that my sanity is on (permanent) vacation,but I had a feeling it would be today.Maybe it's because I had a rather suggestive dream last night concerning this matter (I was surrounded by cats-which is how my future looks like,more or less).Maybe it's because a have a History test tomorrow and I needed a good excuse not to study.Maybe it's because I have a uterus-you know,being a girl and all.Maybe it's because I've always felt very close to my pets in general.Maybe it was just meant to be like this.Irrelephant!

At first,it's a scary thing to experience.You're in denial of the fact that it's really happening now,even though everything around and inside you says "There she blows!"(sorry,poor choice of words).But,when it does sink in like the Titanic in the Atlantic Ocean(again,sorry),you become a full-on care machine.I'm skipping past the practical and a tad nasty details,they are not actually relevant.What matters is the fact that I proved to myself that I'm not squeamish,that I can handle a serious situation and that I didn't waste my childhood believing I would be a damn good nurse.

All in all,I'm delighted to welcome into the family such cute kitties and I hope they'll grow strong and playful enough to keep up with my silliness.Mazel tov!

A change in view

I'm not blaming the world anymore.It's a cloth I've outgrown and a song I've sung one too many times.I'm now old enough to know the difference between war and a quarrel.

Even so,there are things beyond my control: I cannot command death,nature's grasp escapes me,day follows night in a perpetual motion.But I can control what I wish to become after their hurricane has long been silenced: a shape or a shadow.The first suits me better.For time spent longing after things that should have happened is time lost mourning unborn realities.More so,the hours of ceaseless rage against all things that not converge with the word "I",in a feeble attempt to restore one's innocence to one's self,are hours we give away to an hourglass's tomb.

I am the world and the world exists between the walls of my being.Judging it would mean questioning reality itself.Now,as perfection is merely a desire,I cannot commit to loving a thorn as I do a rose.But compromise beats hatred.So,rather than an executioner,I will aim to become a priest of no religion.

Pictures fade.Words are forgotten.Names disappear.Events lose their strength along the way.The only balm for a withering body is a wholesome mind.But I do not wish to find wisdom after the first wrinkle.Why not start with an old mind in a young body and not the other way around?

I am not the smartest.Can I not acknowledge intelligence in others with an open heart?I am not the prettiest.Can I not admire beauty honestly in another's shape?I am not complete.Can I not bow down in front of those who have already won a battle and ended a journey?Love is easier to mistake for compassion when you diminish the truth in your favor.

I'm not blaming the world anymore.I am change.I am feeling.I am strong.

Balancing act

Ma bucur nespus de inca o noapte odihnitoare.
Ma inspaimanta rutina apasatoare din "cei mai frumosi ani" ai vietii.
Rad din tot sufletul cu cei care au mers patru ani pe acelasi drum cu mine.
Plang fara lacrimi pentru toti cei care nu aveau voie sa ma paraseasca.
Stiu ca va fi mereu o casa cu gard verde pe care s-o pot numi "acasa".
Nu stiu daca pot sa ma multumesc cu ce am sau trebuie sa-mi gasesc un scop inalt.
Daca ar fi nevoie sa aleg intre aur si cafea,cred ca as merge pe mana celui de-al doilea viciu.
Daca as avea posibilitatea de a-mi schimba trecutul,mi-as pastra greselile nealterate.
Cum sa nu-ti infloreasca sufletul cand citesti o carte?
Cum sa-nduplec timpul din cursa lui nebuna de a pangari tot ce atinge?
Imi amintesc de momentele senine si le ridic piedestalul cuvenit in marea tulbure.
Imi insusesc momentele tragice si daram tronul poleit cu fericire.

Poate ca nu este perfect,dar exista un echilibru in toate.

Amazing avenging

Remember my MARVEL craze from a few months ago?When all I really wanted was to run into the sunset with a cape fluttering behind me and marry every superhero in the universe?Well,it's back!No,I did not steal my mother's drapes.No,I did not convince Captain America to say "Yes!".And no,I most definitely did not accept Iron Man's proposition of "an open relationship". But (and that's one hell of a big but there) I did finally got around to seeing THE AVENGERS!(Yes,I am screaming in CAPS LOCK,but,in my defense,I have a lot of reasons to do so.)

First of all,I would like to point out the fact that,when you have all these amazing characters/actors in one single movie,it sometimes ends being a disaster.To my mind,it's because you have to focus on one too many things and,well,it's no secret many "celebrities"(gosh,I hate that word!) have a hard time getting along with each other.It's like watching a field full of beautiful and extraordinary unicorns which can't wait to stab one another while you're blinking.Not even Thor's hammer could stop that!Believe me,I'm from the Internet,I know things.

While I can't actually testify for what went down behind closed doors,I can pronounce myself on the final product which is The Avengers.'Cause tie me to the Tesseract,beat me with Loki's scepter and call Nick Fury,was it beyond all shades of AMAZING!

Now,I'm a good sport and I won't go rambling on and on about the story. I don't want to spoil the fun for the rest of you who wish to see the movie (Which you should totally do,like,right NOW!Don't wait for Hawkeye and Black Widow to persuade the very life out of you!).My lips are sealed for an undetermined amount of time-which is a true sacrifice taking into consideration that my internal fangirl screams grow stronger by the hour.Just go and see the thing,it will make you laugh,gasp,almost cry and drool over the special effects.Not to mention you will ,without doubt,fall in love with each and every person on that screen.Even the bad guy!(To be honest,mostly with the bad guy...But shhh!Spoilers!)
My incoherent materialization of feelings must end here-the need to "borrow" my dad's welding mask and to shoot imaginary laser beams in the front yard is overwhelming.Maybe a cup of coffee will calm me down.Or not...But remember these wise words when pondering whether or not to watch The Avengers:
"Hulk,smash!"

An old feeling in new clothes

I remember the struggle.
The heartache.
The nights that morphed into light without warning.
The days of unrequited love.
The diary under my bed.
The fight to conquer more and more.
The pain of seeing so many loved ones simply walk away.
The bitter coffee in the morning.
The smile that carried a thousand and one dreams.
The battles fought and the battles lost.
The smoke,the friends,the childish desires.
The shadows which used to cover the footsteps of my knowledge.
The constant fear of being only half a man.
The smell of sunscreen and my first kiss.
The fascination and wonder of old treasures.
The skin that trembled at Death's approach.
The obligations which never really ended.
The giggles that made a comedy so much more.
The bouncy curls and the colorful nails.
The repetitious chores.
The scent of clean sheets at the end of a hard day.
There is nothing new under the sun.

Under the troubled sun

nu mi-am inteles niciodata pornirile nihiliste,
nici setea de venin nefiltrat.
ma refugiez in natura dupa fiecare batalie,
insa nu incetez s-o patez
cu infinite temeri criptice.
lumea redusa la o harta fada
ma inghite cu pofta monstrului reinviat,
impletindu-si violent muntii cu apele
ce-mi inunda ochii din inima si cap.
caut cu indarjire oamenii de care fug,
ma plec in vesmant mandru ghilotinei,
sap dupa afectiune intr-un teren minat-
de cate ori trebuie sa strig cuvantul "paradox"
pana ce va fi ascultat?
relicvele trecutului prind luciul unui dezastru,
iar pasii umbrei devin din marunti
giganti;unde sa ma retrag?
nu stie pamantul ca i-a secat fantana,
nici pomul ca l-au taiat demult!
am cenusa pe buze si aschii in gat,
nu vreau sa ma retrag,
dar nu vreau nici sa plang!
ajung sa ma predau unei afrodite aurii,
in bratele careia magia frumusetii triumfa
asupra mortii celei line...

Vintage beauty

I can punish myself for not being enough.Burn that imaginary white page.Mourn all of the world's dead.Vanquish time and embrace the dark.Damn myself and all that I am.Blame the world for my failures.Smother my flaws before another gets a chance to.Deny the past and abolish the future.Disown the careless child that is the present.Hate others for their gold.Pray for demons.Cry and suffer.Scream at the deaf.Lose myself in a disappointment's maze.

I'd rather seek beauty and joy in all circumstances.Cherish the sun and never cease to find a heartbeat in a song.Read a good book.Feel all that there is to feel and never regret it.Watch a vintage film.Peel oranges with my bare hands from start to finish.Enjoy a new perfume.Love all men and women for who they are.Embrace my insufficiencies.Celebrate talent and its mirage.Appreciate what I have at this moment in time.Regain myself through true acceptance.

The day gravity quit

I'm seeing the world run a marathon,
while my body rests on a bed
of paralyzed emotion.
The thoughts which dwell in this
shabby skull are never to be trusted
and in need of something real.
I'm falling into a sea no deeper than a pond,
but my bones respond with riots
and my reason turns numb.
The seed was set to sprout in
everlasting glory-it seems the dirt
had other dreams to bury.
I'm letting myself crash into the sun,
thunder and lightning guiding a hand
stained with ink that looks too much like blood.
The flesh is disgusted by its own mortality,
impotence and miracle,damning gods
and praising them equally.
I'm telling my guts to swallow their premonition,
but all those years spent fearing the dark
are now claiming recognition.
The day is ending and the night grows menacing,
but neither can drown out the pain
coming from my heart's drumming...

Ghouls and desires

Orele tarzii ma linistesc.
Oamenii ma fascineaza.
Sunetele ma inunda.
Amintirile ma coplesesc.
Monotonia ma epuizeaza.
Soarele ma inspira.
Cuvintele ma definesc.
Marea ma cheama.
Pomii ma hranesc.
Gandurile intunecate ma pandesc.
Cafeaua ma indulceste.
Hartia ma intoxica.
Somnul ma ispiteste.
Sangele ma arde.
Scaunul ma alunga.
Hainele ma camufleaza.
Speranta ma dezamageste.
Caldura ma hipnotizeaza.
Nelinistea ma destrama.
Privirile demonice ma umilesc.
Hrana ma deprima.
Dragostea ma depaseste.
Pielea ma acopera.
Rugaciunea ma minte.
Sufletul ma invinovateste.
Viitorul incert ma pandeste.

Smoldering shiver

ne-nconjoara pasari de fum difuz,
plamanii se prabusesc,
fanfara din tample insista:
"acum...","acum...","acum..."-
cate talpi am pierdut
in pamant?
cine-mi promite cana cu apa
de la capatul unui drum?
cum sa deosebesc poteca cea buna
de un sarpe ratacitor?
ma misc in tandem cu toate intemperiile
nascute din timp si hranite cu temeri,
urnind stanci ce nu-mi erau menite.
de ma tarasc ori de-mi simt coloana neclintita,
mi-e totuna:
plumbul persista;si plumbul ineaca...
ne-nconjuram cu-o liniste macabra,
vocile asurzesc spiritul coastelor,
radiatia capata valente galbene:
"calatoare...","calatoare...","calatoare..."-
cate inimi mi-au cazut samanta
in tarana arsa?
cine ar tine companie unui strigoi?
cum gasesti o casa care sa-ti fie
"acasa"?
mi-e tare teama ca mi se va pierde calauza
in ceata...