Average failure

I wish I had the guts to be average in the honest sense of the word.Not like now,not like this,when I'm just pretending and letting wild dreams roam through my head like gilded mustangs,though they have no right to do that to me.

Because it takes courage to accept life as it was meant to be somehow,from beginning to middle to end.The world is too big and too small and I'm too big and too small.

People with a clear purpose,with ambition,with a dream they would die for,these are the people who actually deserve to have this organic cage opened for them,to escape from a linear grasp with no return.

Me?I'm lost and unwilling to find a road to save me and please me.I have the phrase "Why even bother?" carved into my spine with silver letters and contradictory electric impulses.

If only the lives in my head would either vanish or magically possess reality-I cannot keep lying to myself like this anymore.

I will disappoint,most likely.And I will disappoint the people who think of me as a golden sparrow rather than a molting crow and whom I love most dearly.But there's no middle ground for us,no middle way,no middle strip of air.

I wish I had the guts to be average-then I could accept existence rather than reject it with a racing heart.