Patterns in reverse

...and I just can't get used to this routine,
dragged from death to bed and then again,
forced to know and longing to love
a stranger I met on the subway.
...and I don't feel right in these clothes,
around these people,bound by laws
that make me the greatest,
yet keep me so low.
...and I miss something I never knew
I really had,
like summer mornings or frail music
or cold coffee cups.
...and I feel that this shirt is making me look fat,
that I should be more "flirty",
that the bags under my eyes aren't a sight
worth looking at.
...and I'm thinking about ghosts
while I should be thinking
about philosophers-
a flower which could've blossomed,
but chose to wither
under the sun.
...and I want to cry my feeble nature
into a distorted laugh,
to stir the dust to which
I'll someday return.
...and I'm lingering on every crappy verse,
dreaming and weeping and counting
patterns in reverse...

Crimson cold

mi-as tine inima intr-un borcan
de dulceata de gutui
si sufletul proptit in cui,
sub umbra unui palton colorat
cu lamai decojite,
si iubirea in ploaie,o pisica
alba haituita de caini
si salvata de nimeni.
mi-as tine ochii in palmele
facute cupa stacojie
si talpile in preajma
frigului cu dinti umezi
si sanii sub povara
unui motor antrenat de rosu fierbinte.
mi-as tine umerii sub cerul
pictat de un poet nebun
si gatul in stransoarea
unei promisiuni de sarut
si genunchii intr-o cada plina
cu violet,crini,raspunsuri.
mi-as tine buzele pe o plita
cu saritoare franjuri pe margini
si spatele arcuit sub rafala
unei neasteptate ploi de aprilie
si mainile impreunate prin patul
cu arcurile intr-o simfonie.
mi-as tine intreaga fiinta intr-o cutie,
sa uit,sa sterg,sa ma imbat
cu vid.

Lace skirt and spring winds

A rainy Sunday morning means no new black sneakers,but a cozy cocoon-as one famous commercial would put it: "priceless".And shoeless,I might add.

A second cup of coffee within 2 hours ,that sneaky gray cat fiddling between my slippers and "Radioactive"  by Imagine Dragons -I could get used to this,you know.

By this time of the day,I'm usually panicking,but thank God for TV shows!If I can't laugh when it's their rightful time,I'll settle for the reruns.

I hate leaving,but,somehow,spring has become a catalyst for my explosive pre-train jitters.In a good way,that is.

Lace skirt,spring winds and too many familiar faces-I sometimes feel my life is not my life at all,but a movie which I powerlessly witness through the eyes of the main character.Oh,God!Oh,God!Oh,God...

If only I knew how to paint nature's wonders!If only I could sing life's miracles!If only this train wouldn't be so keen on stirring my entrails like a sardonic barman!At least the company is nice...

Trading boots for "normal people shoes" makes me feel like a goose.It's nice,though.I'm a nice goose,after all.

Arriving on a sunset's closing act,carrying heavy food,staring at gorgeous strangers on the subway-welcome to Bucharest,boys and girls!Throw in a splitting headache and some homework and you'll get to experience "the real deal".Stupid eyes...

I need to fall in love,in lust,in forever,

"It's a revolution,I suppose..."

Overflowing senses

I think this might have been the first morning in a while when I didn't mind not being woken up by my parents,though they should have done so.You just feel safer and more whole when you're snuggled up in familiar scents and warm blankets.I needed that,I needed the security of it all...

After a week of sandwiches,it's nice to have a warm breakfast next to a cup of coffee.The picture is complete and the story has more meaning.After all,what's the point of living if you can't find bliss in the smallest of moments?

I'll always start watching a new TV show before even considering handling my oh-so-piling homework and responsibilities.I understand my gesture,though I cannot justify and/or recommend it.Oh,well...

Have you ever eaten so much that the only way to get rid of that hurling-in-the-making sensation is to eat some more?Because I feel like a barrel right now and I should really have a lemonade and I'm behaving like a bear preparing for hibernation.And you know what? I regret nothing.

Procrastination at its finest is when you have all your books and papers sprawled out in front of you,while blatantly ignoring them and surfing the Internet without a hint of remorse.Hello!My name is Adriana and I obviously fail at life.

Looking at cat videos with mom,cursing the Eurovision song contest,then singing Lana del Rey in the bathtub-do not question my level of coolness.Ever.

I have to sleep,but I don't want to sleep because sleep will bring the future.My,oh,my...

Orchid pink

Voci feminine,nocturne si stridente pe hol.Cosmaruri cu fluturi,o orhidee carnal de roz si o mama infuriata.Mic dejun frugal si o jumatate de cafea.Bagaje violet si haine mult prea groase.Armata de scari pana la etajul patru si intrarea mereu asteptata.Funda inflorata si cursul plictisitor.Un gest superb si ghiocei parfumati.Fuga la metrou si fuga catre tren.Locuri albastre si o portocala impartita zemos la trei.Barbati nesimtiti si melodii cu scop de blocare fonica.Aceleasi peisaje imbracate intr-o lumina primavaratica si aceleasi discutii la trei statii distanta de casa.Huruitul metalic al drumului implinit si lungul drum singuratic spre casa.Pisici jucause,catel infometat si fusta fluturanda.O masa calda si o conversatie din trecut.Banca verde,batrana si pastratoare a sute de amintiri nepretuite.O bicicleta credincioasa si un scenariu de care-mi era dor.Cafea cu lapte si povesti de bucatarie.Seriale puse la rand si un fratior cu chef de imbratisari.Muzica in trup si dulciuri pe buze.Crini reintineriti si camere intunecoase."Romanii au talent",lacrimi de ras si patura albastra cu husky.Distractie nevinovata si seara perfecta de vineri.Mandrie bine hranita si comenzi de sora mai mare.Perspectiva MP3-ului "de acasa" si a patului cel drag.Sunt fericita si nu-mi pare rau.

Blue sparrow

I'm reluctant to leave my bed early in the morning,even when my night is a lingering memory of nightmares.
I'm happy with a cup of coffee in my hands and with the thought of home in my mind.
I'm uneasy when confronted with a crowd.
I'm momentarily proud of myself when I face my fears,imaginary or not.
I'm jealous of the people who are better than me,even though I know with all my heart that I shouldn't be.
I'm angry with myself when I can't move or speak or change my future.
I'm appalled when man acts more like an animal and less like a rational being.
I'm emotionally drained by overflowing words,jungle-like movements and vapid thoughts.
I'm incapable of properly flirting.
I'm relieved when I get to see a nice sunset,to buy train tickets,to feel pretty on the subway.
I'm wasting time each time I have too much free time on my hands.
I'm in love with a blue sparrow hanging from my neck,close to my heart,bearing the presence of a loved one.
I'm laughing with my roommate at cat videos on YouTube and it's lovely.
I'm ready to believe again.

Silent fractures

mi-am adunat toate durerile
intr-un prieten imaginar si apatic,
un prieten pe care-l car cu mine
printre fasii de zi si de noapte,
un prieten pe care altii nu-l vad
si nu-l ating.
imi vorbeste adesea in limbi straine
si ma musca de genunchii
neunsi cu iubire
in mijlocul multimii de priviri
inca adormite.
cand nu sunt atenta,imi stalceste
zambetul in linii
frante urate
si-mi inteapa ochii cu ace minuscule
si-mi sopteste scenarii apocaliptice
in creierul deja obisnuit
cu ciuperci fumigene.
e bine sa ai un prieten,
chiar daca acel suflet
e doar un paragraf din tine,
scos si editat sa fie
intr-o logica perfecta cu acea lume
ireala si stacojie
de care fugi din nebunie,
spre nebunie...
mi-am adunat toate prostiile
intr-un prieten cu buze
larg deschise...

Eyes to see,eyes to hurt

I raise my palms to cover
two empty wells that reign
the middle of my face,
the center of my brain,
the core of my image-bound
system.
they're dripping in hazel
and swollen in grief,
for the day is long,
while people hide their thorns
beneath rosy silk...
crimson ivy intertwines with weeds
around these two relics
of a fluid time and a weary
body-
the memories beneath are vapid,
cancerous,
sick...
I clench my fingers to revive
the red waters lurking
in the den
of this upside-down world
of imagined evil-
two overflowing wells
that draw my horizon,
that make me real,
that can close the gates
of Hell...

Unbelievable!

On the one hand,I'm sleeping more,better and sweeter.On the other hand,I'm wasting time and there's nothing I can do about it.Balance sometimes sucks,to be honest.Chaos is more productive.

I always oscillate between wanting to look like a proper queen and ending up dressing like I haven't taken my sanity pills in a while.It's hard to stay motivated in a town overflowing with beautiful people,while simultaneously having the self-esteem of a depressed sloth.Even so,I sometimes get it right-and it feels so damn good...

Unbelievable!Dude,there's a fine line between covering up your mistakes and blatantly bullshitting your way out of a situation and some people cross it without a hint of remorse.For instance,I'll admit my mistakes,reluctantly or not.But to have someone just sway me through a daze of half-truths makes me want to laugh my ass off.So I don't start crying,that is!Why do I even...

How do you know someone has a crush on you?I obviously know when I have a crush on somebody (duh!),but my girl-sense is kinda telling me it might be the other way round this time.Amazing,right?As surreal as it may seem,I don't really want to be the actual "crush".It's too much emotional responsibility,no matter how you put it.

I rely too much on music and imagination to keep me sane and that's an issue.Meh,it could be worse.

Punctured feelings

divided by swords that slice
through time and emotions
without the slightest touch of pride,
I paint my nails green.
catastrophe is at hand
and I'm feeding
pride's foul mouth-
reality is the queen,
but I'd rather sleep
with her youthful thief...
like a soul damned to hand,I cling
to every beating within
the clock's mischievous
mechanism-
to live,
to collide,
to come apart at the seams.
it's hard to breathe when your lungs
are made out of brass and porcelain,
eager to fall and easy to crush
beneath a world that looks
more innocent than it is.
as the sun fades into its
next kingdom,
I tend to my punctured feelings-
pity,pity,pity
on the weak...

All good things need a beginning

Stupid dreams.Cozy sheets.Lovely awakening.Tasty food.Heavenly coffee and morning gossip.Flying clothes around the house.Familiar trip.Flowers and presents for spring's pride and joy.Sweets and things.Compliments I don't deserve from people I barely know.Coming home to running kittens.Another cup of coffee,if you please!Brotherly chat.The perks of not knowing when to stop eating.A tiresome essay.New music from an old band that makes forgotten memories come alive once again.My place at the table,my weird way of sitting there,a darling Saturday afternoon.Dim light inside,glowing bricks outside.A gray and sneaky cat.Troublesome willpower.Snowdrops and ladybugs for my special ladies.Panic in the making.Avoiding responsibility (as always) .Feeling like both a child and an adult at the same time.Playful dog and inquisitive fluff balls.Laughing with dad.Wounded toe.Greeting mom.Mint chocolate.Sinking bed.Comfortable spot.Brief enthusiasm.Dark green hall.Milk and snacks.Midnight laughs.Pointless blogs.White and blue toothpaste.Coffee craving and making plans.Kitchen conversations.Dragging chores.Lost movie.Cluttered room.Revived memories.Ivory sheets.Calling sleep.Fin.

A springy start

People have this weird need to sometimes get in touch with their animal side.Not that I mind,but I don't think it's a pretty good and/or considerate thing to do at 3 a.m. in a building full of students which have classes the next morning and,to top it off,as if you've just found out you're Mufasa or something.Stupid boys!Stupid...baboons!

Spring is here!I can feel it in the air,in the shy sun of the morning,in the numb and fuzzy feeling that's slowly taking over me.Oh,rebirth,how I've missed thee so!

It's wonderful to see a tradition still being celebrated,even more when you know it's from the heart.It may not have been much,but I really felt I've entered a new phase of this year,with more flowers,more red&white symbols,more smiles on people's faces.

I have come to the conclusion that I'm surrounded by handsome boys and gorgeous girls.Again,do you happen to see my problem?!Oh,well...

Good music makes up for slow train rides,while sunny windows compensate for the lack of a book to read or willpower to even think.Even so,nothing really matters when you're heading home.

The same old routine,the same old things that make me happy-and how could I not be?Surrounded by coffee,cats and my family is where I ought to be.And I am.And I'm free.And I'm finally me...