I am not a star

I am not a star,nor will I ever be.
I am dust that doesn't glitter,dust that turns into mud when thrown into the rain,dust that disappears at the slightest sign of wind.
I am nothing.I will never amount to anything more than my limited mortality.I poisoned my own existence the moment I baptized it as "useless".The earth calls me back because it knows I never wanted to leave it in the first place.But I sometimes look up to the sky and I just want to breathe in the Universe,let it seep into my bones,blend that luminous nothingness into my own and create something.It's a wicked thing to be caught between perdition and salvation...
The world seems slightly smaller when your own condition screams into your soul.You will die.Everything you love will die.These hands that now write will rot away and you will be forgotten: your name,your essence,the way you took your coffee or you loved with crying eyes.
Fear,love,heartache,they don't mean anything because you don't mean anything...
I am tired of myself and I feel like resting for a while.For I am not a star and I do not shine.I only die while living...