Drifting inside

I keep thinking about how I never properly said "Farewell!" to any of the beings that have left me so far.And I know it's silly and selfish,but I guess that's life's way of saying "You never know,you never can know"...I've buried so many loved ones inside me that I sometimes feel like a walking cemetery.It's so hard not to care,but does that brief joy outweigh what seems like a lifetime of ache?I don't have an answer for that.I'm choking on ashes once again...

I'm reading "The Fault in our Stars" probably for the third time now and I'm starting to understand how it feels to be drowning when you're nowhere near water.I know the story by heart,yet I rediscover it time and time again,more painful and raw than before...I didn't cry,though-all I could sense was the world's weight crawling inside my chest and gnawing at my insides.That's how Hazel felt.Augustus too...I don't like the sky tonight.

I'm either insane or the world around me has suddenly grown insensitive.Not to state the obvious,but I care a lot about words and how they are used-I myself don't always know how to solve their puzzle,but I try,I always try.Considering not the things that have been said to me,but how they were said,my mouth is lucky there's no gun laying around here...My brain feels like a sponge that only absorbs vile sentiments and drumming sounds...