The hardest "goodbye!"

Today,I had to say "goodbye!" to one of my dearest friends of over 10 years,my darling dog.

I had to find out on my own because nobody had the guts to tell me he passed away on Friday.
So,I went outside and I saw his kennel drawn to the side and covered,the yard empty and silent,a heap of dirt in one corner of his place.I knew right then,though I wish to God I didn't...
My heart sank and it felt like somebody was trying to make a knot out of my lungs.

He was old and he had a good,loving life,I realize that,but...It hurts.It hurts immensely that he won't be greeting me when I come home from college anymore,that I won't see the look of happiness in his eyes when he noticed I was coming to play with him,that it's going to be so much less noise now.And I'll be damned if I won't cry my eyes and heart out today!

I'm angry.I'm furious,even raging,because I'm tired of seeing how the list of dead outweighs that of the living in my prayers and...it's too much sadness.If this carries on,I only have one wish:that I be next.I can't keep piling up pain of any sorts,it's not worth existing this way...

I will miss him.My beloved dog, with his unstoppable,funny personality and the most ridiculous name I ever chose ("Papurică" or "Papi").My friend,please be waiting for me on the other side-I'll be looking for you!

The hardest "goodbye!" is the last and late one you offer...