Familiar clues

I don't even know where to begin...Well,first of all,I'm home,which is always a good thing.Nice food,pleasant company,fluffy cats and most comforting scenery-can't I just stay here forever and ever and ever?Please,please,pretty please?I even feel smarter too!Can't understand why,but the "big city" isn't helping my intelligence/confidence marriage at all!Don't get me wrong,my family isn't from the Stone Age,on the contrary-it's just that I feel...intimidated?Yes,intimidated is the perfect word.All those brains and all those lips,I just can't compete with that-so I sit quietly and wallow in my own misery.Clever,aren't I?

My deduction skills are improving,though.It's understandable,considering I awkwardly walk and eat and talk to myself most of the time.It gives you a sort of dark power that surpasses knowledge,something you can sink your tired teeth into.Downside?The more I see,the more it hurts.Craving flaws in others only unravels my own blatant imperfection.And how much more can my cocoon last?Not pretty much,I can assure you.Oh,well...

I love wine.I really do.I mean,it makes everything better.And seemingly safer.And downright exquisite,damn it!Who cares about homework and the future anymore?Let's just dwell in an intoxicated state of mind,shall we?Everything would be better.And easier.And less frightening...Warm feet and pleased ears,do you agree?Of course you do.Why wouldn't you?You're as numbed and joyous as I am in this moment...

I don't want to let anybody down.Be a failure.A lost cause.But I also want to be happy,noticed,loved.How do I make these two sides meet?As we speak,things aren't looking that willing to cooperate.

Stay in the present,my dear!Let it all be!Now is what matters above all else...