I'm laughing

I'm laughing at my alarm clock,at my scattered pictures,at my weeping spine.
I'm laughing because,through some misguided order of the Universe,I'm still waking up.
I'm laughing into my coffee,a bitter and numb pretext for yet another day.
I'm laughing for strangers who will never tell me I'm pretty or introduce me to their mothers or make me believe I'm something more than dust.
I'm laughing while gathering gifts in exchange for affection,like a puppy begging to be loved by somebody.
I'm laughing at my own endless and shameless stupidity.
I'm laughing for the illusions I've created in order to keep myself mildly sane.
I'm laughing at fleeting moments amidst friends,moments which momentarily heal and erase the pointlessness of everything.
I'm laughing because we all have such dirty minds and minty mouths.
I'm laughing in the hallway,into the phone,gazing at a bluish hand.
I'm laughing while walking into the train station,God knows why.
I'm laughing while eating and mending my half-broken day.
I'm laughing because I'll never know what real love feels like.
I'm laughing while packing this and that.
I'm laughing at my crippling shyness.
I'm laughing because I don't know what else to do.