Beautifully depressing

Disobedience by misfortune
is
a guilty pleasure worth suffering from
now and again.
Nightmares die in the cold waves
of last night's sheets,
while the pristine sun washes away
all the pain that made my body
shiver.
I wish this coffee were darker.
I wish I were an ancient sculpture.
I wish this moment were immortal.
Right now,the future seems
a surreal picture
of something that will never feel personal.
Drowning in a mystic puddle-
there stands my infant hope,
lost and unwilling to cry for help.
I know tomorrow shall bear the same
unsettled dress-
even so,I can't help but wish
my arms will rise
in action,not in prayer...
Day-dreams fill my head
with purple magnolias,blue eyes,
scenarios with no chance
of a fulfilling end...
As the veil of another cancelled
wedding with the gods
drops above our heads,
I wonder:
"Am I or am I not
worthy of my sins?".