"My mother called me a spotted cow,my father a mole,my grandmother a sow,my brother a spitting llama and my uncle a nightingale.This means I am an entire petting zoo.I love my family."
"My new shower gel smells like milk&chocolate&mint.Smell my leg!Doesn't it smell 'eatable'?You can eat my leg if you want to!"
"Drooling over Jim Morrison,Jared Leto and Johnny Depp pictures is like having an orgasm.Only better."
"Bunnies make me think of sex.And clones."
"My pantry door is very creepy.When you open it you get the impression that Lurch will offer you a jar of pickles and Thing will open it for you.Not cool."
"Mom: What are you doing?Playing Strip-Poker?
Me: No,just Solitaire...
Mom: That's sad."
"Daddy,daddy,my eyes are yellow today!"
"I'd put cyanide in Miley Cyrus' lip gloss."
"I don't eat food that I once met."
"Having a bisexual boyfriend (as a girl) would be kinda awkward.Having a bisexual girlfriend (as a boy) would be a fantasy come true."