On the run

Iti intra graba in oase fara sa-ti dai seama si asta nu e bine.
Ajungi sa dormi cu o ora mai putin,sa-ti bei cafeaua ca pe apa si sa citesti cuvintele ca pe niste schelete golite de orice sens.Te izolezi intr-un spatiu stupid si sec-pentru ce?O lauda?Doar nu esti caine.
Totusi...Totusi,o faci.Fratele te saluta suparat ca l-ai amanat a nu stiu cata saptamana cu filmul ala.Bunica iti cere sa ai grija de tine si sa mananci,desi n-ar vrea sa-ti dea drumul cu adevarat.In mod ironic,iti vezi parintii cu ochii strabatuti de vant abia in gara.
Am pierdut sirul despartirilor si asta ma intristeaza peste masura.Citesti in tren si te uiti la baiatul frumos din stanga,oftand in sinea ta.Peronul e si mai stramt,si mai ciudat.Ce sa faci...
Vrei sa recuperezi o eternitate in cateva ore,te blestemi,dar nu renunti.Asa esti tu-incapatanata pana la autodistrugere...
Iti spui ca o sa merite candva,dar stii prea bine minciuna din spatele buzelor.
Iti intra negrul in ganduri si uiti uneori cum sa-l speli si sa-l faci imaculat de ferice.

Soothing

Mi-am infipt degetele in perna tocita si am simtit ca apartin.Aerul avea parfum de pereti impodobiti cu tablouri si cafeaua avea rama de fildes.Am scris tot ce n-am putut sa scriu atunci cand nu stiam cine sunt si am plans.Muzica trosnea in obscuritate si in doua piersici negre fara gust.Am vorbit cu oameni ce-mi poarta sangele injumatatit,impatrit,in nici nu mai stiu cate parti si am stiut ca sunt iubita asa cum sunt cand las masca in cuier.Mi-era dor sa-mi curga soarele in par printre crapaturile visinului,printre mustatile pisicilor de pe acoperis,printre urmele sterse de avion de pe cer.Mi-a intrat frigul dupa-amiezii in oase,dar a fost un frig dulce si bun.Dulciuri si minciuni marunte-atat,doar de atat am nevoie.Am cautat un culcus din paturi de cappuccino si miorlaituri de copil mare."Doctor Who",ceai furat din Paradis,sentimentul de trecut-frumos,tare frumos si calmant.Am citit povesti de foc si m-am inecat in simfonii magice.Sa dorm?Sa dorm.Sa dorm...

Bruised from the inside

hollow sleep and fucked up dreams
to welcome a day tainted
from the start-
like crumbles they fall,
my clothes,my nerves,my electric hopes,
in the morning,
in the milky dark...
churning,turning,insides hurling
like a bloody sea
in the midst of a storm-
waves crashing against my thighs,
behind my mind,
between my eyes...
bruised from the inside,
covered in angry dew
and bearing soaking shoes,
I do what has to be done,
I poison myself beyond return...
wrath and void twisted into
the same voice,
as if I were my own prosecutor,
my own source of venom,
my own damned foe...
I need sleep,
I need to forgive...

Purple headache

to my Ezra Miller look-alike from the subway

thank you

for making my heart beat faster

and my headache grow numb

with your eyes.

thank you

because,when I saw that denim silhouette,

my knees began to tremble

and I didn't know whether to blame

your disturbing presence

or my churning stomach.

thank you

for looking ungodly alike

a person who makes me so happy.

thank you

for being a balm to soothe the wounds

caused by a day

which took me to war

and through anger beyond

any handsome words.

thank you

for making me believe,

if only for a grain of time

and an iron howling,

that someone could,someday,

pick me and say "my darling".

thank you

for something

my words can't encompass in their pettiness.

thank you,

strangest of strangers,

for being where you where

then.

Brass elephant

Nu ma intrebati de ce,insa nu pot sa dorm bine atunci cand e luna plina.Poate ma transform,poate mi se trezesc piticii de pe creier,nu stiu.Stiu doar ca am avut o noapte de cosmar-literalmente.

Imi pun problema "de ce trebuie eu sa fac X lucru?" in fiecare dimineata,atunci cand astept sa mi se raceasca otrava divina,insa nu am gasit niciun raspuns valid.Pentru nicio intrebare.Ajutor.

Foi in brate.Carti in brate.Temeri in brate.Ce mi-ar placea sa fiu acum in bratele cuiva...

Macar am lanticul cu vrabiuta.Macar atat.Si elefantul.Elefantul este foarte important.Foarte.

E o diferenta mare intre infatuare,un inceput de sentimente si pasiune,iar eu habar n-am sa fac diferenta intre ele in nici macar o singura situatie.Pentru ca sunt o persoana "pateticuta".Asa cum am mai spus.In repetate randuri.Degeaba.

Nu e niciodata suficient.Nu esti niciodata suficient de bun.O stiu,dar nu o inteleg.In loc sa se extinda,Universul trece printr-o implozie in slow motion si nu mai avem loc unii de altii,nici in trup,nici in spirit.Pacat.

O sa-mi pocneasca intr-o buna zi capul si o sa stiu motivul exact.Pana atunci,scriu si tac,scriu si inghit,scriu si plang in mine.

Striped sweater

simt ca nu mai suport
si nu mai inteleg
de ce sunt aici,
ce-nseamna locul asta pentru mine,
de ce port un pulover in dungi
roz,albe si rosii.
cuvinte goale,cuvinte nerusinate,
cuvinte insirate de-a lungul
a zeci de coli
fara vina-
cate povesti am fi putut scrie separat,
in schimbul uneia impreuna...
ma doare un organ
pe care nu cred ca-l am,
undeva intre plamani,
ca o gaura mare si urat de neagra...
sunt o fiinta incompleta
si o stiu-
o,Doamne,o stiu in fiecare vis urat,
in fiecare spasm de moarte,
in fiecare lacrima ce nu ma lasa
sa ma descarc
prin inexistenta!
e prea tarziu ca sa mai inteleg
de ce sunt atat de incompleta.
prea tarziu.
mult prea tarziu.

Frozen everything

Astept ziua cand n-o sa ma mai trezesc speriata.
Astept un imbold si o revelatie umana.
Astept sa faca mamaia cafeaua.
Astept sa plece pisoii de pe mine si sa se termine episodul din "Doctor Who" ca sa ma pot apuca de treaba-prin urmare,nu astept deloc asa ceva cu adevarat.
Astept sa fie gata frate-miu,sa-l duc odata la scoala.
Astept ceva.
Astept sa-mi arate cineva cum sa simt "normal".
Astept sa nu mai plang din cauza unor emisiuni TV stupide.
Astept sa vina ziua cand nu va mai trebui sa plec de acasa.
Astept trenul intr-o gara desprinsa parca dintr-un "film cu prosti".
Astept sa ajung acolo,citind si visand la ceva mai...frumos.
Astept sa mi se para locul asta mai simpatic.
Astept sa-mi treaca pseudo-raceala si lipsa de chef existential.
Astept sa vina o raza salvatoare de speranta.
Astept un Fat-Frumos real.
Astept sa mi se intample ceva care sa ma convinga ca traiesc.
Astept sa treaca iarna din martie.

French passion

my wings are sheets
and I fly when the moon is ravaging
the dark blue sky-
to die!to die
and receive
damnation
with every breath
of red and endless end
that runs through
my flesh...
in love!I'm in love
with foolish desires,
crimson words and a passion
smeared with musical
lipstick and ballerina
perfume!
touched!I'm touched from the inside
and I despise my ivory
youth-
imaginary friends and very present foes,
what a banquet of fools!
my wings are sheets
and I'm a bird
drowning in watery
heights...

First apple pie

Cred ca o sa ma simt mereu cel mai bine in casa asta.Aici am crescut,am invatat,am devenit cineva.Om.Ma uit cu drag la pragul unde mi-am scris cei cativa centimetri castigati in fiecare an-ultima linie trasa cu pix portocaliu arata un mandru "164".Posterele,panoul cu bijuterii,biroul,eu,eu,eu,eu in bucatele mici si imprastiate.Eu iubesc si traiesc si sunt pentru ca mi-a fost data camera asta micuta si infinita."Multumesc" nu-i suficient.

Cred ca e prima placinta cu mere pe care o fac anul acesta.Cu toate ca nu ma prea pricep la gatit (deocamdata),bucataria ma linisteste.Am intrat intr-o transa cu bile din coca,mere imbracate in scortisoara si tavi cu o melodie veche in ele.M-a uitat Dumnezeu in camera aia si mi-a fost bine.Doar eu,o melodie la radio si ceva bun in mainele mele.E tare frumos sa te faci util.

Cred ca pur si simplu nu-mi mai pasa.De ceilalti,de oameni straini,de cifre si aprecieri abstracte.Stiu ca sunt proasta.Stiu ca sunt desteapta.Mai stiu si ca sunt uneori nefericita din pricina unor "Tampenii" cu "T".Asa ca-mi fac un ceai,ma uit la o opera rock franceza si renunt.Renunt la a mai dansa cu demoni care-mi fac talpile sufletului sa sangereze.

Black and pink leather

E o frumusete muta in a te trezi si a realiza ca ziua iti apartine in totalitate.Nicio fragmentare,nicio umbra lasata de inima ce o ia la goana,nicio responsabilitate decat cea de a trai in prezent.
Merita sa traiesti pentru mirosul moale al asternuturilor.Pentru cana aceea de cafea.Pentru pisicile care ti se impleticesc printre picioare si cainele care de-abia asteapta sa se joace cu tine.
Mi-e drag de mor sa am grija de fratiorul meu mai mic,mai ales acum,cand distanta ne-a invatat pe amandoi ca apropierea merita pretuita.Il calc pe nervi cu pretentiile mele de "mama",face misto de mine in cel mai magistral mod cu putinta-in definitiv,nimic nu se compara cu iubirea din si de sange.
M-am jucat putin cu masina cea noua de cusut si mi-a iesit un portofel din piele neagra si roz: mi-era dor!Sa ma incurc in ate,sa ma stramb la materiale,sa injur cand imi iese o cusatura aiurea.
Imi vine sa ma bat singura pe umar pentru ca am decis sa "chiulesc"-a avut sens ziua asta,esti nebun! A fost asa cum trebuie,cum era candva,cum trebuia sa fie...
Iar am ras pana la lacrimi in floricele.Mi-am indreptat spatele pe podeaua cu parchet vechi si bun.Am pus capat unui conflict stupid.M-am luat de "scolarul rasfatat".
M-am simtit bine.

Petrichor

Waking up before your alarm clock (6:15) is the saddest thing I've ever heard of.That being said,it appears I'm a very sad person today...

They say college is "the best",but all I seem to get are crappy,boring mornings,pointless tasks and irrelevant demands.This day is a total drag...

Stairs are a lot worse when you're loaded with luggage and really eager to get home.

Proof number 2103 that I'm never going to get used to this city:I transform into a sheep on the subway and follow the crowd to the wrong exit,almost missing my ride.Awesome...

Music in my ears,speed beneath my feet and rain against my window-that's how you take a sad song and make it better!

"Petrichor"- "the smell of dry earth after it rains".Beside the fact that I'm in love with it,there's no doubt it's sweeter when it's coming from my back yard.

It's pointless to say I'm well fed,well drunk (yes,yes,you've read that right!) and well in general.It's a good way of making up for a very weird and draining week...

I'm exhausted,body and soul,but I've got tea and something more familiar to soothe me.

I can forget now.I can be happy.I can be me.

Silk roses

I fear things that are no more real
than my shadow:
I let them take over,
thrive in an unholy glow,
send me to an early sleep
of desolation.
trivial,minute,ghastly monsters,
grains of sand that don't represent
anything
to the Universe,myself,
this life of senseless
meaning.
a pretty blouse,silk roses,emerald eyes:
I try to compensate one ghost
for another,
but there's no sun bright enough for
my eyes' heart...
in the end,what matter does it make
if I learn to "decompose"
a verb
or dream about kissing the stranger
sitting three chairs further
from me?
no such thing,no such thing...
I fear things no more real
than you and me.

"Tangerines,poppies,a sunrise"

m-am trezit cu soarele
scormonindu-mi intre gene,
lovita de alarma
peste vertebre,
tachinata de ganduri trase
in plumb si pene.
am mancat paine cu gem de gutui,
cu picioarele pe gresia
murdara,
ochii inecati in cana de cafea,
sufletul inghetat de linistea aia
mormantala.
m-am imbracat cu blugii care
inca se mai decoloreaza,
tricoul cu bufnita,
toate amintirile ce inca mi se par straine
si rupte dintr-o carte cu invelis
din crinolina.
am primit societatea cu ochii in pamant,
mana pe pixul albastru,
sufletul plecat cu tot cu bagaje
in alte lumi.
am scris cu pasta rosie in caietul tocit,
cu muzica in loc de pastile,
cu gandul la
"mandarine,maci,un rasarit"...
am adormit...
am adormit.

Where I belong

Do you ever feel like you just don't belong?Like your bones are supposed to be somewhere else,that your thoughts are borrowed,that something is just so damn wrong?
My throat is killing me,a rose adorned with thorns silently burying itself into the core of my being.My soles are on fire and itching from an unknown and burning desire.My flesh has lost its reason.
How do I fit in?How do I convince myself I fit in?How do I make an impersonal space swallow me up and make me its own?Too many questions for one particularly lazy afternoon...
Maybe I caught a cold,maybe my ghouls are having a party upstairs,I really don't know.All I know is that I'm aching and breaking and losing the little hope I never truly had.I can't even cry!For God's sake...How can you be torn between wanting it all and not wanting anything at all?How could there be no middle ground?
I feel like running.Swimming.Breathing properly.I wish I could wallow in my self-imposed and mostly imaginary misery in a more familiar place.That's why I can't cry...
Call me a child,but I need it,I need this world in order to keep my world afloat...Oh,if only these pillows would swallow me up already!I feel like a silly child in the midst of a full tantrum!
I need nature,I need rain,I need...something.
Will I ever feel like I belong?

Red nails and winter's cold

Ce inseamna sa dormi cu adevarat bine?Inseamna sa-ti ingropi fata in perna portocalie,sa-ti iasa talpile de sub plapuma portocalie intr-un rasfat pisicesc si sa incepi ziua cu torsul unui cotoi...portocaliu.

Chiar daca arat ca o cotofana de dimineata,parca tot e mai bine sa ma "admir" in oglinda de acasa.

Decat sa ma pui sa citesc o carte pe laptop,mai bine ma imbraci in zana si ma duci la un concert rock-iese aceeasi catastrofa.Ofulica,of,of,of...

Ma enerveaza faptul ca timpul trece repede si ca n-am timp sa ma bucur de ziua de azi de grija zilei de maine (d-d-d-d-de!) si ca sunt o fraiera si jumatate.Clar,e nevoie maxima de o a doua cafea!

Am chef sa cos si sa pictez si sa ascult muzica si sa vad filme/seriale/clipuri si sa beau ceai de fructe de padure-cu toate acestea,ma asteapta un bagaj cat casa,trenul spre Bucuresti,un oras care ma "seaca".Vedeti ce inseamna sa nu apreciezi ce ai la momentul potrivit?Suferi.Suferi ca proasta.Suferi ca proasta de Adriana...

Unghii rosii.Cunostinte infofolite.Peron zumzaitor.Frig din inima iernii.Vierme albastru.Despartire...

Aparent,nu pot sa scap de metrou nici in tren.

Acelasi drum,aceleasi tabieturi,aceleasi eseuri,aceeasi problema-de ce,de ce,de ce?De ce trebuie eu sa fiu un copil cuminte?De ce...

"Love at first sight"

"M-am indragostit!M-am indragostit!O,Doamne,m-am indragostit!"Nu,nu este niciun suflet nefericit la mijloc,stati linistiti!Doar ca mi-am redescoperit iubirea nelimitata si nemarginita pentru teatrul pe care,spre marea mea rusine,l-am neglijat enorm in ultima vreme (mi-a trebuit facultate,ce sa-i faci).

Uitasem de bucuria intalnirii cu fetele,a anticiparii din spatele unui bilet rupt,a calmului boem din holul bleumarin si alb.Parca nici nu mai conteaza ce piesa se joaca,atat timp cat acest ritual aproape magic se dezvaluie la fel de neschimbat ca intotdeauna.

Poate ca uitasem eu "cum se face",insa piesa din aceasta seara m-a impresionat enorm...si asta e lucru mare! (ca sa fac oleaca de reclama,recomand "Opposites attract",in regia lui Florin Piersic Jr.).

A fost un cadru intim,rupt de realitate si timp,minunat-adica exact de ce aveam nevoie.Sa uit de lene,de eseuri,de examenele care ma chinuie cu doua luni inainte de vreme.Fie numai si pentru cateva ore,am privit in ochii artei,iar privirea ii era albastra,incandescenta,eterna.

Sunt nebuna,nu-i asa?"A fost si fatuca asta la teatru dupa 14 ani si o apuca acu' pe blog climaxu' artistic"-perfect adevarat.

Sunt beata!Beata din ceva ce nu pot sa-mi explic si nici nu vreau sa-mi explic.Am fumat o tigara culturala,iar acum vreau sa prelungesc efectul cat mai mult.

Faptul ca ma comport asa imi demonstreaza ca nu mi-am pierdut simtul extraordinarului,al lucrurilor mici,al minunilor obisnuite.

Ah,ce bine ca m-am indragostit si m-am regasit!

Fitted jacket

Soare orbitor.Cafea si portocale.Bagaj bleumarin,pijamale roz,borcane goale.Caldura infernala.Variatii de rosu si emotia unui bilet in mana.Cheia intoarsa la dreapta.Drumul deja batatorit.Aglomeratie si straini care vor ramane straini.Scari,scari,scari,scari.Chipul asteptat,chipul de neatins.Prietene bune si lectii de viata.Pupic pe obraz si urari foarte probabile.Fuga la gara.Colega de pe peron.Telefonul dat acasa,cartea in brate,castile in urechi.Doua ore de peripetii deja cunoscute.Gara din Targoviste.Pasii spre casa,prin soare,cu ochii larg deschisi.Intampinarea facuta de pisoi si mancarea facuta de mamaia.Bucataria mea,cana mea.Fratiorul luat de la scoala.Amintiri din trecutul apropiat si oracole.Baschet si frig.Oameni care seamana cu alti oameni si o mamica foarte racita.Rasete cu pauze.Dulciuri si emisiuni TV amuzante.Videoclipuri cu pisici.Muzica "suparata" si ceai cu lamaie.Dorinta de a mai sta,timpul de a pleca.Senzatia de "sfarseala".Distractii inocente si mancatoare de timp.Pofta de ceai de musetel si de muzica buna.Capitulare timpurie.Cearceafuri parfumate.Rugaciuni adormite.Intuneric coplesitor...

P.S.Cu toate ca e un frig "de crapa pietrele",eu ma incapatanez sa umblu cu o geaca de blugi mai groasa putin decat o coala.Asta e,n-ai cu cine!Ma paste pe mine mai mult ca sigur o raceala,insa cine se simte in sfarsit bine in pielea lui?Ehehehe.Vai de capul meu...

Silent heart

As vrea sa ma impinga cineva inapoi in pat,sa mai dorm 5 minute si sa mai uit inca 5 minute.
As vrea sa-mi placa la fel de mult cafeaua de aici ca cea de acasa.
As vrea sa vina mai repede caldura peste noi.
As vrea sa pot iubi toti oamenii in mod egal.
As vrea sa ma pot iubi mai mult.
As vrea sa intalnesc un om minunat in metrou.
As vrea sa am mai mult curaj.
As vrea sa stiu cum ma vad altii in cel mai sincer mod cu putinta.
As vrea sa ma pot ridica de pe scaun din proprie initiativa si sa-mi iau viata odata in maini.
As vrea sa nu ma mai compar in mod constant cu altii si sa nu-mi mai masor defectele in functie de calitatile lor.
As vrea sa nu mai fiu atat de patetica uneori.
As vrea sa stiu daca el ma place.
As vrea sa nu ma mai simt atat de goala.
As vrea sa nu ma mai enervez din nimic.
As vrea sa am parte mereu de astfel de seri de joi,cu omuleti facuti din pufuleti si sticksuri,cu ceai de musetel,cu prietene vesele si povesti de facultate.
As vrea sa profit mai mult de tineretea care pare sa-mi scape printre degete.
As vrea sa-mi injectez muzica in vene si sa nu mai ies vreodata din transa aceea.
As vrea ca inima mea sa aiba o voce care sa depaseasca scrisul.

On the contrary

Time never seems to suffice,does it?Whether we run from it or after it,there's always that feverish beating of the heart,that hopeless hope,that draining resignation.Man invented clocks and that's when he knew he was doomed.No matter how much you try and compress and digress and transgress,it's never enough.It's never enough time to do everything,even when there's nothing to do.Then comes guilt.Confusion.Disappointment.You want a time machine.A couple of sedatives.A bottle of whiskey.Your head begins to spin,as does your pulse to race...On the contrary-time flies as careless as ever,whether you like it or not.

Life has a way of showing you how powerless you truly are.Preparations,calculations,plans drawn to the very last details-specks of dust beneath the feet of hazard.I tried to do it right,I really did,but everything still blew up in my face-now what?No tears,no wallowing.On the contrary-I knew I could never win,I just needed a confirmation.

Every man needs love,right?I need love not only for what it really is,but as proof.Proof that I'm worth it,that it's worth it,that at least something in this godforsaken world has a reason behind it.It's a selfish,stupid and catastrophe-prone desire,I know it all too well.But I'm aching and I'm waiting and I'm going insane with each passing minute.On the contrary-the monsters in my head are thriving,affection or not.

Patterns in reverse

...and I just can't get used to this routine,
dragged from death to bed and then again,
forced to know and longing to love
a stranger I met on the subway.
...and I don't feel right in these clothes,
around these people,bound by laws
that make me the greatest,
yet keep me so low.
...and I miss something I never knew
I really had,
like summer mornings or frail music
or cold coffee cups.
...and I feel that this shirt is making me look fat,
that I should be more "flirty",
that the bags under my eyes aren't a sight
worth looking at.
...and I'm thinking about ghosts
while I should be thinking
about philosophers-
a flower which could've blossomed,
but chose to wither
under the sun.
...and I want to cry my feeble nature
into a distorted laugh,
to stir the dust to which
I'll someday return.
...and I'm lingering on every crappy verse,
dreaming and weeping and counting
patterns in reverse...

Crimson cold

mi-as tine inima intr-un borcan
de dulceata de gutui
si sufletul proptit in cui,
sub umbra unui palton colorat
cu lamai decojite,
si iubirea in ploaie,o pisica
alba haituita de caini
si salvata de nimeni.
mi-as tine ochii in palmele
facute cupa stacojie
si talpile in preajma
frigului cu dinti umezi
si sanii sub povara
unui motor antrenat de rosu fierbinte.
mi-as tine umerii sub cerul
pictat de un poet nebun
si gatul in stransoarea
unei promisiuni de sarut
si genunchii intr-o cada plina
cu violet,crini,raspunsuri.
mi-as tine buzele pe o plita
cu saritoare franjuri pe margini
si spatele arcuit sub rafala
unei neasteptate ploi de aprilie
si mainile impreunate prin patul
cu arcurile intr-o simfonie.
mi-as tine intreaga fiinta intr-o cutie,
sa uit,sa sterg,sa ma imbat
cu vid.

Lace skirt and spring winds

A rainy Sunday morning means no new black sneakers,but a cozy cocoon-as one famous commercial would put it: "priceless".And shoeless,I might add.

A second cup of coffee within 2 hours ,that sneaky gray cat fiddling between my slippers and "Radioactive"  by Imagine Dragons -I could get used to this,you know.

By this time of the day,I'm usually panicking,but thank God for TV shows!If I can't laugh when it's their rightful time,I'll settle for the reruns.

I hate leaving,but,somehow,spring has become a catalyst for my explosive pre-train jitters.In a good way,that is.

Lace skirt,spring winds and too many familiar faces-I sometimes feel my life is not my life at all,but a movie which I powerlessly witness through the eyes of the main character.Oh,God!Oh,God!Oh,God...

If only I knew how to paint nature's wonders!If only I could sing life's miracles!If only this train wouldn't be so keen on stirring my entrails like a sardonic barman!At least the company is nice...

Trading boots for "normal people shoes" makes me feel like a goose.It's nice,though.I'm a nice goose,after all.

Arriving on a sunset's closing act,carrying heavy food,staring at gorgeous strangers on the subway-welcome to Bucharest,boys and girls!Throw in a splitting headache and some homework and you'll get to experience "the real deal".Stupid eyes...

I need to fall in love,in lust,in forever,

"It's a revolution,I suppose..."

Overflowing senses

I think this might have been the first morning in a while when I didn't mind not being woken up by my parents,though they should have done so.You just feel safer and more whole when you're snuggled up in familiar scents and warm blankets.I needed that,I needed the security of it all...

After a week of sandwiches,it's nice to have a warm breakfast next to a cup of coffee.The picture is complete and the story has more meaning.After all,what's the point of living if you can't find bliss in the smallest of moments?

I'll always start watching a new TV show before even considering handling my oh-so-piling homework and responsibilities.I understand my gesture,though I cannot justify and/or recommend it.Oh,well...

Have you ever eaten so much that the only way to get rid of that hurling-in-the-making sensation is to eat some more?Because I feel like a barrel right now and I should really have a lemonade and I'm behaving like a bear preparing for hibernation.And you know what? I regret nothing.

Procrastination at its finest is when you have all your books and papers sprawled out in front of you,while blatantly ignoring them and surfing the Internet without a hint of remorse.Hello!My name is Adriana and I obviously fail at life.

Looking at cat videos with mom,cursing the Eurovision song contest,then singing Lana del Rey in the bathtub-do not question my level of coolness.Ever.

I have to sleep,but I don't want to sleep because sleep will bring the future.My,oh,my...

Orchid pink

Voci feminine,nocturne si stridente pe hol.Cosmaruri cu fluturi,o orhidee carnal de roz si o mama infuriata.Mic dejun frugal si o jumatate de cafea.Bagaje violet si haine mult prea groase.Armata de scari pana la etajul patru si intrarea mereu asteptata.Funda inflorata si cursul plictisitor.Un gest superb si ghiocei parfumati.Fuga la metrou si fuga catre tren.Locuri albastre si o portocala impartita zemos la trei.Barbati nesimtiti si melodii cu scop de blocare fonica.Aceleasi peisaje imbracate intr-o lumina primavaratica si aceleasi discutii la trei statii distanta de casa.Huruitul metalic al drumului implinit si lungul drum singuratic spre casa.Pisici jucause,catel infometat si fusta fluturanda.O masa calda si o conversatie din trecut.Banca verde,batrana si pastratoare a sute de amintiri nepretuite.O bicicleta credincioasa si un scenariu de care-mi era dor.Cafea cu lapte si povesti de bucatarie.Seriale puse la rand si un fratior cu chef de imbratisari.Muzica in trup si dulciuri pe buze.Crini reintineriti si camere intunecoase."Romanii au talent",lacrimi de ras si patura albastra cu husky.Distractie nevinovata si seara perfecta de vineri.Mandrie bine hranita si comenzi de sora mai mare.Perspectiva MP3-ului "de acasa" si a patului cel drag.Sunt fericita si nu-mi pare rau.

Blue sparrow

I'm reluctant to leave my bed early in the morning,even when my night is a lingering memory of nightmares.
I'm happy with a cup of coffee in my hands and with the thought of home in my mind.
I'm uneasy when confronted with a crowd.
I'm momentarily proud of myself when I face my fears,imaginary or not.
I'm jealous of the people who are better than me,even though I know with all my heart that I shouldn't be.
I'm angry with myself when I can't move or speak or change my future.
I'm appalled when man acts more like an animal and less like a rational being.
I'm emotionally drained by overflowing words,jungle-like movements and vapid thoughts.
I'm incapable of properly flirting.
I'm relieved when I get to see a nice sunset,to buy train tickets,to feel pretty on the subway.
I'm wasting time each time I have too much free time on my hands.
I'm in love with a blue sparrow hanging from my neck,close to my heart,bearing the presence of a loved one.
I'm laughing with my roommate at cat videos on YouTube and it's lovely.
I'm ready to believe again.

Silent fractures

mi-am adunat toate durerile
intr-un prieten imaginar si apatic,
un prieten pe care-l car cu mine
printre fasii de zi si de noapte,
un prieten pe care altii nu-l vad
si nu-l ating.
imi vorbeste adesea in limbi straine
si ma musca de genunchii
neunsi cu iubire
in mijlocul multimii de priviri
inca adormite.
cand nu sunt atenta,imi stalceste
zambetul in linii
frante urate
si-mi inteapa ochii cu ace minuscule
si-mi sopteste scenarii apocaliptice
in creierul deja obisnuit
cu ciuperci fumigene.
e bine sa ai un prieten,
chiar daca acel suflet
e doar un paragraf din tine,
scos si editat sa fie
intr-o logica perfecta cu acea lume
ireala si stacojie
de care fugi din nebunie,
spre nebunie...
mi-am adunat toate prostiile
intr-un prieten cu buze
larg deschise...

Eyes to see,eyes to hurt

I raise my palms to cover
two empty wells that reign
the middle of my face,
the center of my brain,
the core of my image-bound
system.
they're dripping in hazel
and swollen in grief,
for the day is long,
while people hide their thorns
beneath rosy silk...
crimson ivy intertwines with weeds
around these two relics
of a fluid time and a weary
body-
the memories beneath are vapid,
cancerous,
sick...
I clench my fingers to revive
the red waters lurking
in the den
of this upside-down world
of imagined evil-
two overflowing wells
that draw my horizon,
that make me real,
that can close the gates
of Hell...

Unbelievable!

On the one hand,I'm sleeping more,better and sweeter.On the other hand,I'm wasting time and there's nothing I can do about it.Balance sometimes sucks,to be honest.Chaos is more productive.

I always oscillate between wanting to look like a proper queen and ending up dressing like I haven't taken my sanity pills in a while.It's hard to stay motivated in a town overflowing with beautiful people,while simultaneously having the self-esteem of a depressed sloth.Even so,I sometimes get it right-and it feels so damn good...

Unbelievable!Dude,there's a fine line between covering up your mistakes and blatantly bullshitting your way out of a situation and some people cross it without a hint of remorse.For instance,I'll admit my mistakes,reluctantly or not.But to have someone just sway me through a daze of half-truths makes me want to laugh my ass off.So I don't start crying,that is!Why do I even...

How do you know someone has a crush on you?I obviously know when I have a crush on somebody (duh!),but my girl-sense is kinda telling me it might be the other way round this time.Amazing,right?As surreal as it may seem,I don't really want to be the actual "crush".It's too much emotional responsibility,no matter how you put it.

I rely too much on music and imagination to keep me sane and that's an issue.Meh,it could be worse.

Punctured feelings

divided by swords that slice
through time and emotions
without the slightest touch of pride,
I paint my nails green.
catastrophe is at hand
and I'm feeding
pride's foul mouth-
reality is the queen,
but I'd rather sleep
with her youthful thief...
like a soul damned to hand,I cling
to every beating within
the clock's mischievous
mechanism-
to live,
to collide,
to come apart at the seams.
it's hard to breathe when your lungs
are made out of brass and porcelain,
eager to fall and easy to crush
beneath a world that looks
more innocent than it is.
as the sun fades into its
next kingdom,
I tend to my punctured feelings-
pity,pity,pity
on the weak...

All good things need a beginning

Stupid dreams.Cozy sheets.Lovely awakening.Tasty food.Heavenly coffee and morning gossip.Flying clothes around the house.Familiar trip.Flowers and presents for spring's pride and joy.Sweets and things.Compliments I don't deserve from people I barely know.Coming home to running kittens.Another cup of coffee,if you please!Brotherly chat.The perks of not knowing when to stop eating.A tiresome essay.New music from an old band that makes forgotten memories come alive once again.My place at the table,my weird way of sitting there,a darling Saturday afternoon.Dim light inside,glowing bricks outside.A gray and sneaky cat.Troublesome willpower.Snowdrops and ladybugs for my special ladies.Panic in the making.Avoiding responsibility (as always) .Feeling like both a child and an adult at the same time.Playful dog and inquisitive fluff balls.Laughing with dad.Wounded toe.Greeting mom.Mint chocolate.Sinking bed.Comfortable spot.Brief enthusiasm.Dark green hall.Milk and snacks.Midnight laughs.Pointless blogs.White and blue toothpaste.Coffee craving and making plans.Kitchen conversations.Dragging chores.Lost movie.Cluttered room.Revived memories.Ivory sheets.Calling sleep.Fin.

A springy start

People have this weird need to sometimes get in touch with their animal side.Not that I mind,but I don't think it's a pretty good and/or considerate thing to do at 3 a.m. in a building full of students which have classes the next morning and,to top it off,as if you've just found out you're Mufasa or something.Stupid boys!Stupid...baboons!

Spring is here!I can feel it in the air,in the shy sun of the morning,in the numb and fuzzy feeling that's slowly taking over me.Oh,rebirth,how I've missed thee so!

It's wonderful to see a tradition still being celebrated,even more when you know it's from the heart.It may not have been much,but I really felt I've entered a new phase of this year,with more flowers,more red&white symbols,more smiles on people's faces.

I have come to the conclusion that I'm surrounded by handsome boys and gorgeous girls.Again,do you happen to see my problem?!Oh,well...

Good music makes up for slow train rides,while sunny windows compensate for the lack of a book to read or willpower to even think.Even so,nothing really matters when you're heading home.

The same old routine,the same old things that make me happy-and how could I not be?Surrounded by coffee,cats and my family is where I ought to be.And I am.And I'm free.And I'm finally me...