marți, 31 iulie 2012

Just don't!

Don't get your ear pierced because you won't be able to sleep on that side and you will curse your decision between shrieks of pain.
Don't drink amazing coffee because you will feel "inexplicably" happy for about...two hours.
Don't play with fluffy cats because you will be reduced to a small child with an annoyingly high-pitched voice.
Don't have funny conversations with your sibling because you will feel your heart expanding at a dangerous rate.
Don't listen to beautifully crafted music because you will weep and your tears will end up being soaked lyrics.
Don't make plans because the weather will most definitely have Thor-ish moods and ruin them all.
Don't take a nap in the late afternoon because you will end up feeling exactly like Steve Rogers.
Don't drink hot cocoa because you will declare your undying love for everything.
Don't make good friends because they will transform you into a way better person.
Don't do anything and you will end up feeling nothing.

luni, 30 iulie 2012

Scented roads

the winding roads in my dreams
smell like angel's wings and fear,
but the descent into reality
gives off a scent resembling
ripe pears.
the sun is a topaz melon
and my hopes wear the same
refreshing perfume
as the upcoming minutes;
those whiskers are drenched
in warm memories,
while this cup of blackened energy
encompasses fiery passion,cherries,turmoil:
am I a slave to my senses'
so I believe...
change is pure and akin to overwhelming flowers.
water echoes a minty turquoise.
jewelry mirrors a golden bond.
every road has its own fragrance
and every day delivers another bouquet
into my hands.
the narrow streets from inside my being
contain thousands upon thousands of perfumeries
that only time can

duminică, 29 iulie 2012

"Sun day"

Cand dorm suficient de mult cat sa visez frumos.
Cand intreaga casa miroase a cafea si a flori.
Cand ma joc in gradina insorita cu pisicile.
Cand vine vremea traditionalei placinte cu mere.
Cand ziua de duminica transforma casa intr-un adevarat camin.
Cand gateste mama si imi amintesc de copilaria aproape perfecta.
Cand muzica imi trimite fiori pe sira spinarii.
Cand distanta nu afecteaza o prietenie speciala.
Cand lumea pare mica,unita si plina de miracole.
Cand sentimentele se nasc prin cuvinte.
Cand un film superb are mesaje de transmis ochilor interesati.
Cand rad din toata inima.
Cand asternuturile au parfum de racoare si cute primitoare.

Sunt fericita cand dau sens Universului.

sâmbătă, 28 iulie 2012

Ugly rain

dorm pe spini metalici,
iar coloana isi sapa prin carne
drumul catre noapte.
ma arde cafeaua
pe suflet,
merele din smarald imi sparg
cartea din maini ma roade
din ochi pana-n imaginatie.
nu pot sa ies din camera,
nu vreau sa ma ridic de pe scaun,
nu incerc macar sa parasesc pixul
pe foaia intemnitata-
ploua atat de patetic afara
incat miroase numai a lacrimi
si-a animale moarte.
stomacul infloreste intr-un sentiment
iar dupa-amiaza asta
o sa ma bage in cel mai stacojiu pamant.
dorm pe arcuri osoase
si pielea ma ustura
ca un cosmar despre eternitate.

vineri, 27 iulie 2012

Bag of bones

slender claws crawl towards
my broken knuckles.
smothered screams rush through
my twitching spine.
white electric shocks race between
my unbound ribs.
clear waves pass beneath
my crumbling knees.
aching arches pierce through
my brittle hips.
damp wings soar above
my pounding skull.
tedious winds push alongside
my numb fingers.
cold hammers descend around
my anxious back.
sharp pages flow towards
my tired jaw.
unnerving sounds bounce between
my distant temples.
leather ropes tighten around
my damaged neck.

I'm a bag of bad bones
and I can barely breathe.

joi, 26 iulie 2012

Train adventures

in jurul garii danseaza molii
si chipurile sunt luminate
de un alb murdar;
roti inainte,roti obosite,
ziua asteapta un deznodamant
ce deplorabil arata un suflet
chinuit de trup...
bratul incins al amiezii inconjoara
sinele turnate
din trecut,prezent si viitor,
iar rucsacul bleu imi gadila gleznele
chinuite de un asfalt miscator-
oare cate chipuri vede intr-o zi
casiera cu parul blond?
ma topesc si astept
un sunet familiar de crud
sa ma poarte acasa...
pana atunci,mai trece un lung
sir de vieti la fel de reale ca cea
pe care o consemnez-
nu mi-am dorit niciodata mai mult
ca acum sa existe un Dumnezeu.
roti inapoi,roti noi,
ma asteapta identitatea!
in jurul garii leviteaza focul
si chipurile sunt inundate
de dorinte arctice.

miercuri, 25 iulie 2012

Electric heart

Concluzii neinteresante:
  • patul si coloana mea vertebrala vor sa-si incheie mariajul printr-un un divort dureros,iar eu sunt copilul prins la mijloc
  • plimbarile cu tata sunt mai educative decat orice manual de filosofie din lume
  • pentru prima oara in viata,incepe sa nu-mi mai placa atat de mult caldura
  • dependenta noastra de toate minunatiile moderne se manifesta aproape psihotic atunci cand,pe romaneste," cade curentu' "
  • sunt iremediabil si incontestabil indragostita de merele verzi
  • cel mai nasol sentiment e sa nu simti nimic cu adevarat definit
  • cititul ma invata cum sa descopar diversitatea lumii,pe cand scrisul ma ajuta sa filtrez noile informatii
  • "sufletele pereche" nu apar pur si simplu,ci se formeaza de-a lungul timpului
  • frica de necunoscut se manifesta atat la nivel mintal,cat si fizic (pot sa confirm!)
  • sunt la cheremul tuturor lucrurilor frumoase ce-mi ies in cale
  • amintirile au un fel ciudat de a-si croi loc inapoi in prezent

Cam atat pentru astazi.

marți, 24 iulie 2012

Letters of joy

Cine e studenta la Litere? Cine e studenta la Litere? Cine e studenta la Litere?! 
Eeexact,this bad baby right here!E un sentiment tare minunat sa realizezi ca munca ta chiar a dat roade!Dupa multe indoieli si decizii luate cu jumatate de gura (si jumatate de inima,daca tot suntem la capitolul "sinceritate"),pot spune cu sufletul impacat ca sunt fericita si multumita.Nu stiu ce surprize are pregatite pentru mine viitorul,dar stiu ca hotararile luate in ultimul moment reprezinta o trasatura personala ce nu a constituit (pana in momentul de fata) un motiv de regret.Dimpotriva,am ajuns la concluzia ca singura cale prin care imi pot realiza telurile este o combinatie instabila de pesimism,standarde joase (atat in ceea ce ma priveste,cat si lumea inconjuratoare) si elementul "hazardului" ca o constanta...incontestabila!
Prin urmare,s-au instalat nopti nedormite si vechile incertitudini.Nimic iesit din comun pana acum,nu?Eh,m-am obisnuit cu toate si nu ma consider cine stie ce "martira".Dar ce mai conteaza astea acum?Sunt doar amintiri invaluite in ceata si mandrie.Ceea ce conteaza intr-adevar este ca s-au petrecut foarte multe schimbari intr-un timp foarte scurt si inca astept ca pumnul realitatii sa ma loveasca (gentil,daca se poate).
Stiu ca,raportata la "intreg",aceasta reusita nu are proportii colosale,insa,pentru mine,este un "teritoriu" cucerit cu brio si o experienta unica in viata.Pana la urma,sunt o persoana,nu o statistica.Si persoana in cauza vrea sa fie tratata ca atare.
Desigur,urmeaza toata debandada confirmarii locului (hope I don't screw that up),ocuparea unui loc la camin,schimbarea "adresei" si toate cele.Noi sa fim sanatosi,restul vine de la sine!O sa fie greu,nu neaga nimeni asta,dar existenta nu face diferente in distribuirea dificultatilor (per total) si n-are niciun rost sa te feresti la infinit de obstacolele ei.
Acestea fiind spuse,sper sa ne vedem la toamna in Bucuresti cu chef de studiu,de explorat si de...cucerit lumea!

luni, 23 iulie 2012

Wooden fingers

these wooden fingers
sigh no more,
carving out useful monsters from
brittle branches of truth.
I've never been much of a singer,
but I swear to you
that my winter nails
now play a tune
more gracious than a weeping angel
on a tomb!
dearest Heavens,how life is strange:
we plant a tree,yet we slay one hundred,
only to end up walking on
silent sawdust and filthy water...
we do what we must!
I'd rather dance covered in mud,
but my soles crave more and more
the gentle kiss of tightly embraced leaves
and lost fragments of bark...
every step reminds me of
the forgotten buds,
every bow stirs up the seeds
of an organic love.
these wooden fingers
of mine...

duminică, 22 iulie 2012

The green grass of summer

Things I absolutely love about this season:
  • sleeping in loose pj's and having the sun shine wonderfully through the drapes in the morning
  • the never-ending supply of veggies and fruits
  • gallons of coffee and tons of films,music,art,etc.
  • spending some days in the cool climate of my own room and doing as little as it is physically possible
  • chubby cats and homemade food
  • white orchids
  • the sense of belonging to a family
  • disheveled hair and sunscreen
  • nail polish that reminds me of winter adventures
  • bathing in July's luscious light
  • the fact that my skin looks like caramel and my mind is able to smile again
  • how an old and dear friend can lighten up my afternoon
  • sodas,gossip,the sound of dusty asphalt under my sneakers 
  • the green grass of summer
  • familiar faces and theater
  • the way in which stars shine when you're at peace with the world
"We gonna get free."

sâmbătă, 21 iulie 2012

Idealized gods

"C'mon,baby,let's go for a ride
In your lipstick-red car,
Cigar blazin' in the sunshine!
Charmed me with your 1950s smile...
Be my James Dean!I'll be your Marilyn!
Don't overthink,honey,let's give it a try!
The radio is blastin',I'm wearing your cologne-
Where did I put my heart-shaped glasses?
Oh,no,got whiskey all over my polka dot skirt!
All you need is me and a packet of Marlboro-
Can't you see?I've fallen deep
For this crisp white shirt,smug lover!
Make me your black and white movie,
The stars are all shining for us!
No need for a script,just a kiss and some blue ink!
I'll give you my best Audrey Hepburn laugh,
You'll frown,take a sharp turn
And pretend you're Cary Grant!
What's that,sugar?We've run out of Jack Daniel's?
No worries,gonna find ourselves a gas station
And race through this fairytale with no prayers...
Now take my Grace Kelly face
In your Clark Gable embrace-
C'mon,baby,let's not make Elvis wait!

vineri, 20 iulie 2012

Sweet deception

Mintea imi infloreste,insa asternuturile sunt deja imbibate-n caldura infernala a verii.

Cafeaua emana vapori mistici,insa buzele-mi ard ca un buchet de bujori inflamabili.

Scaunul este la fel de rosu si primitor ca intotdeauna,insa corvoada vidului imi apasa ca o nicovala coloana.

Lemnul leviteaza si evadeaza din stransoarea degetelor,insa praful se acumuleaza amenintator sub talpi.

Inghetata se topeste in cele mai incitante arome,insa magia camerei din copilarie s-a disipat acum mult timp.

Melodiile prezentului coloreaza apusul cu miscari sublime,insa soaptele viitorului nu sunt prea amabile cu trecutul.

Oboseala noptii imbraca pielea,insa umbrele subtiri sunt deja la capul patului.

In cele din urma,totul depinde de perceptie.

joi, 19 iulie 2012

White chests

"Tell me life is beautiful..."

Well,I do have to admit that the sunrise doesn't bother me as much as before.My coffee's always fresh and those wrinkled sheets have a hint of dreams in their scent.Though I feel rather guilty for not having a care in the world (momentarily),it's all very liberating and wholesome!Not to mention intimidating...Even so,who can do anything nowadays with heat's veils invading every nook and cranny?I'm melting in my clothes,I'm melting in my mind...But there isn't a thing that cannot be mended with the aid of a cool drink and some minty flavored smoke.And did I mention a pair of philosophically charged queens? My God,are these summer memories to keep for a lifetime in a white chest's cocoon!Maybe I'm dizzy,maybe I'm actually happy,but I'm just loving the present,my overflowing empathy,the fact that I don't consider myself alone (even in the darkest of moments).And the sunset looks like magic in the making right now...

"...they all think I have it all."

miercuri, 18 iulie 2012

Vivid fantasy

How can words be so enticing?
Little scratches upon luminous surfaces,overflowing with passion and scarlet desires.
Signs of black descent that raise the pillars of worlds beyond imagination.
Paper flesh and electric movements which crash on the plains of eager minds.
Your skin quivers and your breathing slowly descends into oblivion.
How can mere symbols induce such vivid images in one man's limited skull?
You're not you anymore-you become a voyeuristic passenger on a train that never ends,never stops,never releases.
Pages flow like untamed rivers into your soul,grinding and hurting the rocky edges of your being.
Bloodshot eyes,erratic thoughts,ahistorical moments of life.
I never really understood the power of language-until now.
How can words mold a fantasy into a consuming nightmare?

marți, 17 iulie 2012

Divorcing the past

these papers set me free
and I can taste the blood
on my teeth;
I'm never going to see
your sleepy faces and steaming coffees again,
the desperation bouncing off
the echoes of your names,
how you could lift me up or tear me down
with a smile or a kiss...
time can't go backwards,
but there's no need for it to do so-
folded and sketched,you become
perfect and reliable memories
of a racing past.
my name bound to an ugly chair
and my lips inked upon
countless drafts of reality-
what a legacy!
what a stupid game!
I release myself from every thought
that has ever made a number
taller than a soul
and today the stepping stone of tomorrow!
these papers set me free
and I'd love to see them burn

luni, 16 iulie 2012

Another world altogether with long nights and pleasant numbness.
Pitch black coffee and the scent of scrapped wood.
Lazy breaths against the rising summer heat.
Old bonds being sewn back together under an emerald sky.
Distant worlds brought into the comfort of a sizzling home.
Thoughts beyond the reach of time and space.
Cats with long tails and bright eyes.
Clocks flowing through seconds,minutes,hours with a trail of false alarm.
Untangled muscles that refuse to find anything "necessary" or even "urgent".
Moist hair sending shivers down a tired spine.
Flashbacks of silky dresses and dreadful afternoons.
No feet to pound on top of a rosy chest.
Glimpses of wholehearted smiles.
The gentle curve of songs and melodies intertwining with luscious words.
The stark night as accomplice.
The slender fingers of sleep seducing your dreams. without stress-almost.

duminică, 15 iulie 2012

The old and the new

I could dream my life away
and never look back
with scarlet eyes...
the core of my being
stays the same
as blackened nights and glistening days
flow like waves upon gilded
but my layers tangle and blend
with this motion,
breeding new circles,masks,tastes.
to rest would be a sin and
to deny my stubborn kernel-
a waste of expensive nothingness.
just another pair of white thighs,
just another figure sketched
in the Universe's diary...
I belong with silver strings of hair,
misty stories,misguided pupils
of amethyst and emerald
I am old and I don't fit in!
lovely fairies,how oddly does your youth
shape mine with the aid
of full lips,tales of the future
and bewildering drinks!
I could go through life blindfolded
and never cry a tear
from these sapphirine mirrors...

sâmbătă, 14 iulie 2012

Game of moods

It's always the same old routine,yet it never ceases to amaze me...How the sheets only become warm and soft when the alarm screams beside the silver bed.How my taste buds come alive at the touch of nourishment and lingering dreams.How the foam of a dark coffee conceals a pleasurable heat from a pair of sleepy lips.I belong to royal mornings like this one right here!My scepter a bookmark,my crown a never-ending wish... 

I have lived a thousand lives and I shall live a thousand more before this one is over!In my head,on the pages of an ivory book,upon countless speeding screens!So many faces,so many explosive kernels that transcend good and evil...My body has become weak with this burden,but my wicked mind continues to grin!I now have enough emotion in me to resurrect the dead.

Sun,have you made a pact with Lucifer?!Because the sky is blistering and my stomach is turning from this heat's torturing ways!Why would you turn a bedazzling summer's day into a corrupt version of Hell?Poor tongue,twisting between sandy cheeks and brittle teeth!Poor heart,pounding away like a lost drum inside a desert!Poor me,at the mercy of a molten god that craves pure adoration!Poor,poor,poor...

vineri, 13 iulie 2012

Familiar bedlam

WARNING:THIS IS A RANT!Leave now or suffer the consequences.You have been cautioned...

I sometimes feel my life's a grotesquely bad movie and I can't do anything about it...Like,a brutal combination of ecstatic moments and deplorable mistakes,all set up against age-old regrets,commands,feelings clustered under a carpet of modest conditions.Oh,and what a storyline!Does "tragically ordinary" cover it or do I have to draw you a diagram?Because,my God,I'm sick and tired of this existence and the pains which my beloved ones put me through!...when the Hell did I sign up to be a martyr?!
And you know what's the most fucked up thing?I still love them.Understand and cherish them.Think twice before I open my mouth for fear of not hurting them in return.Such daggers,these words...But there's so much built up inside of me that I expect a very loud "crash and burn" soon-and there's nothing I can do about it.
Well,as you can see,putting everything down helps to some degree,though I believe it to be more of a numbing process than a releasing one.Tamed letters may be my trusty friends,but they can't save me...
Money issues,emotions,the past,the future,anger,religion,the need to control-don't these paint an oh-so-common family picture?They should.Because my own looks dangerously identical to the one above.Don't get me wrong,I'm not one bit ungrateful because it's my life and I take it as it as it comes.But it sure would be nice to be happy more often than I find myself just resigned.Ugh,I wish I could shape my current situation in a structure more revealing,less obscure...
In the end,everyone has a battle to fight and mine is nothing special.I have to suck it up,cry it out,shut up and try to make something out of myself.My way.No hard feelings,no vengeance.Only pure determination,tenderness and empathy.

P.S. I'm also exhausted,freaking out about whether I'll get into college or not,I have a headache the size of Mars and I'm going to watch a really fucking sad movie (to add to my misery) because I'm feeling particularly masochistic today.So yeah,that's the deal right now...And I can't do anything about it. 

joi, 12 iulie 2012

Silent riot

I can feel my emotions building a wall of hatred,resent and fear,blocking every soulful word I ever wanted to shout,cry or condone.To run away,to never look back-all that I want to do now and all I dread with the strings of my soul tortured by a heartbreaking tension.So torn between never leaving and the need to see the world,how do I make peace in the middle of a war?And shaking doesn't help.And crying comes as a primitive sign weakness.And I cannot unbind my sentiments because the world doesn't accept them.Is my future really mine?Or am I just a puppet at fortune's will?Stop the bricks,mother,stop the clay from turning me into a forgotten statue!And I'm not worthy.And I'm not ready.And you're not helping me one bit!You,the one who forces my soul to huddle,my eyes to fall in shame,my lips to quiver.Afraid,afraid,my God,terrified I am!Why does there always have to be a bloody battle for a place in the Universe?My heart can't handle this and I want to escape...I can feel my entire being slowly sinking into an abrupt resignation.

miercuri, 11 iulie 2012

Running after trees

I mustn't fear light,
I mustn't fear love;
there are clouds over my soul
and the ground's a stark blue.
not even the sun
could heal this patient,
not even a voice
of sweet serenity
could invoke salvation...
blunt knives
are the raging raindrops!
wholesome blessings
for earth's lips-
but arctic reminders
of a shallow breath
against my ribs...
the thread between my teeth
is slowly stitching silence,
while the dying storm
around this hospice
is seeking a leave of absence;
running after trees,
counting down the years,
dreaming of equanimity.
I mustn't fear a darkroom,
I mustn't fear rejection.

marți, 10 iulie 2012


How do you just know what to do with your life?And the difference between what you love and what you loathe?The things you could do and the ones that will always remain out of reach?How do you just decide your faith and go forth with everything wholeheartedly?How do you convince yourself that you can be brilliant in any given situation?That your only limits are the ones you impose on yourself?How do you experience everything there is to be lived in just one existence?How do you carry on with death as a final reward?How do you escape sorrow and embrace serenity?Flee from this world and create your unique kingdom?How do you ignore those people who only want to drag you down?The ones that,in spite of all,you still adore?How do you act normal when your mind is a bedlam?A misunderstood little corner of the Universe?How do you just cope with the days,the months,the years and put on a brave face?How do you keep your cool in times of infernal trials like this?How...How?!

luni, 9 iulie 2012

Change has come

How to celebrate an achievement...crazy cupcake style:
  • bathe in sweet dreams and drink tons of coffee
  • declare your boundless love for everyone and everything
  • pat yourself on the back
  • face the scorching heat with a full-blown smile painted across your face
  • grab one of your best friends by the hand,invade a post office and then go get the haircut you always wanted (but never actually knew you wanted)
  • admire and get acquainted with your new and SHORT locks
  • ignore the tedious sun (and your melting soles),walk around town,clear your head
  • eat with gratitude,drink passionately and savor a good ol' fashioned cup of coffee (yes,again)
  • visit a beloved one that has stood for too long in time's shadow
  • talk about the future and believe in yourself wholeheartedly
  • pump music through your veins and let beauty shine in your eyes 
  • kiss the cats goodnight and have a laugh with a silly duckling
  • say a prayer and welcome the silent night
Change has come.

duminică, 8 iulie 2012

Captain's log:B.A.C.-The End!

Tentative esuate de distragere a atentiei de la punctul central al zilei.
Despaturit,calcat,impaturit,emotii colosale.
Primirea rezultatelor:fericire exprimata prin foarte,foarte,foarte multe lacrimi;revenirea din "soc";explorarea unui sentiment rar si sublim.
Revenirea apetitului si a poftei de viata.
Fiintele cu botic umed,muzica de suflet si linistea naturii completeaza o fila de pura binecuvantare.
Zambete fara buton de oprire.
Reluarea contactului cu societatea.
Inlaturarea aurei profund negative a lumii si inlocuirea ei cu simplitatea nimicului atotcuprinzator.
Luxul aproape uitat al unei seri fara griji si fara reprosuri.
Felicitari,pahare in ritm de clinchete transparente si recunoasterea proprie a realizarii.
Entuziasmul ce prevesteste o noapte fara cosmaruri.
THE END:excellent.

sâmbătă, 7 iulie 2012

Just water

oglinda lacurilor din vis,
siroiul stacojiu din vene,
ghetarul fraged din Paradis,
iazul sufletelor fara pene.

cascada fibrelor imbibate,
picaturile trecutului maculat,
vaporii amintirilor aruncate,
balta chinului asumat.

stralucirea lacrimilor interne,
ignoranta cetii violente,
poleiul sperantei depline,
zapada increderii neimpartasite.

grindina trecutului tumultos,
marea iubirii amare,
uraganul imperativului nervos,
oceanul afectiunii precare.

izvorul rautatilor permanente,
cursul intrebarilor fade,
copca urii demente,
afluentul simturilor calde.

burnita noptii innegrite,
lichidul privirii carnale,
molecula vietii intregite,
atomul existentei reale.

totul este apa si apa traieste in toate

vineri, 6 iulie 2012

Captain's log:B.A.C.-day 3

Reactie initiala:PANICA!PANICA!PANICA!
Alarma (extrem de matinala) si o recapitulare sumara a informatiei aparent anihilate de pe "disc".
Stare fizica redusa la senzatia de durere si nerabdare.
Chipuri invatate "pe de rost";caldura infernala pusa pe repeat;asteptare echivalenta cu toate poverile anterioare.
Primirea subiectelor:concentrare,ciorne,epuizarea tuturor resurselor cognitive si emotionale.
Concluzie:matematica nu mi-a fost,nu-mi este si nici nu-mi va fi vreodata o prietena buna.
Parasirea definitva a sediului torturii:pareri,presupuneri si speranta ca ultim panaceu.
Programul obisnuit:ingrijirea monstrilor blanosi,verificarea starii generale a fratelui,asigurarea unui climat standard in camin.
Eliberare prin lacrimi si lectura.
Chinul intepator al asteptarii si constientizarea unei perpetuari consistente a acestuia.
Astru neiertator si cafea fada.
Confruntare cu sine si cu lumea exterioara.
Acelasi refugiu gasit in muzica si tacere.
Film recuperat din trecut si film regasit in prezent;experiment sentimental maxim.
Cadrul impersonal al asternuturilor obosite si neprimitoare.

joi, 5 iulie 2012


to sleep or to dream?
to eat or to drink?
to love or to loathe?
to help or to watch?
to study or to pray?
to try or to fail?
to care or to damn?
to give away or to give in?
to walk or to lay?
to brew or to freeze?
to laugh or to cry?
to fly or to crawl?
to hope or to quit?
to suffer or to soar?
to carry or to drop?
to see or to ignore?
to feast or to starve?
to walk or to run?
to smile or to frown?
to breathe in or to breathe out?
to admire or to deceive?
to cleanse or to sin?
to shine or to blacken?
to be or not to be?
to live or to die?

I'm feeling particularly reluctant today.

miercuri, 4 iulie 2012

Captain's log: B.A.C.-day 2

Reactie initiala:PANICA!PANICA!PANICA!
Stare fizica similara cu cea inregistrata in situatia precedenta;stare emotionala usor atenuata (se presupun leziuni cerebrale cauzate de evenimentele anterioare).
Multime acum familiara si aparenta stergere a informatiei din memorie.
Asteptare,exacerbarea starii fizice si paralizarea temporara a creierului.
Primirea subiectelor:calmare si tentativa de aranjare mintala a cifrelor/numerelor in ordine cronologica.Succes relativ.
Depunerea unui efort substantial si constientizarea acestui lucru.
Iesirea din cabina de tortura:impresii,imprecatii,acceptarea realitatii si retragerea.
Lupta titanica dusa cu "monstruletii" si cu indarjirea fanatica a unui membru insensibil al echipajului.
Atingerea unui nivel al rabdarii si calmului neasteptat.
Efecte devastatoare ale caldurii in forma unei dureri atroce de cap si lipsa apetitului.
Terapie muzicala si zaharoasa,completata de umorul inepuizabil al universului virtual.
Nevoie acuta de refacere,materializata prin acceptarea spatiului protector al patului.

marți, 3 iulie 2012

Juggling circles

the same nightmares
built upon pain and sorrow.
the same coffee
stained mornings of summer.
the same whiskers
that reassure an instinctual love.
the same papers
which predict my kingdom come.
the same heat
of infernal descent.
the same routine
of silence and stark resent.
the same bonds
that make the blood thicker.
the same mistakes
which bring a soul to wither.
the same drums
that race through my mind.
the same melodies
which turn my hunter blind.
the same words
from mother to daughter.
the same echoes
of forced laughter.
the same thoughts
that win no battles.
the same game
of juggling circles.

luni, 2 iulie 2012

Captain's log:B.A.C.-day 1

Reactie initiala:PANICA!PANICA!PANICA!
Senzatie de "Ia-ma,Doamne!" si 10 minute de meditatie in vederea ridicarii de pe scaun.
O multime eterogena de fete neidentificabile.
Degradarea fizica si mintala se amplifica.
Ceasul devine cel mai mare dusman si prieten in decursul celor 180 de minute alocate sfarsitului lumii.
Primirea subiectelor:dezamagire amestecata cu optimism.
Blocarea mediului extern si focalizarea exclusiva asupra cerintelor.
Fluctuatie constanta a nivelului de stres din organism,corelata cu fierbinteala din Iadul inconjurator.
Relativa multumire fata de rezultatul personal;speranta unei "judecati juste" preia comanda panoului emotional.
Consultari posttraumatice,opinii,preziceri.
Revenirea la baza:eliberarea creaturilor "miaunicioase",ingrijirea sumara a fratelui,revenirea din soc.
Infruntarea unui nou val de caldura;repaus pe banca;ambientul perfect al serii,dublat de o cafea si satisfactia efortului initial.
Imperativul refacerii fizice se instaleaza devreme astazi.

duminică, 1 iulie 2012

I cannot!

Nu mai vreau sa aud alarma de dimineata.
Nu mai vreau sa urasc din scarba si durere mancarea.
Nu mai vreau sa reiau aceleasi minciuni.
Nu mai vreau sa plang pentru incapatanarea,egoismul si ura altora.
Nu mai vreau sa vad viitorul ca pe o povara.
Nu mai vreau sa ma consum ca o lumanare intr-un colt obscur.
Nu mai vreau sa simt lucruri nedefinite.
Nu mai vreau sa provoc mila celor din jur.
Nu mai vreau sa asist neputincioasa la suferinta celor pe care-i iubesc.
Nu mai vreau sa fiu condamnata pentru ca imi exploatez sentimentele si trairile la maxim.
Nu mai vreau sa vad oameni tristi.
Nu mai vreau sa las fericirea pe ziua de maine.
Nu mai vreau sa ma sacrific pentru ceva efemer.
Nu mai vreau cosmaruri.
Nu mai vreau dureri de cap.
Nu mai vreau sa spun nu mai vreau.