duminică, 27 aprilie 2014

Overbearing situations

Again,things that are not smart/"nice" (I'm looking at you,Universe!):
  • staying up till 3 a.m. to watch a movie that will make your skin crawl
  • waking up at 10 a.m. with the sun malevolently bursting through your windows
  • starting homework,realizing it's too much to cope with,then having a nervous breakdown
  • thinking coffee can solve everything (it cannot,unfortunately)
  • staying to talk with your neighbor about silly things
  • having to deal with a lot of baffling and confusing papers
  • not knowing what to buy first at the supermarket
  • finding a cockroach floating in the shower 
  • trying to cope with the notion of "stubborn highlighters"
  • living an absurd life and having to read about it as well
  • trying to make sense of your efforts
  • realizing all your hard work of cleaning has been utterly in vain
  • thinking about the hellish day of college tomorrow
  • trying to keep your prayers out of the gloomy side (to no success)

sâmbătă, 26 aprilie 2014

"Smart" choices

Going to bed late when you have to wake up at 6:15.
Attending courses on a Saturday morning.
Asking yourself how you got such a good grade on your midterm (9) when you can barely remember how you got back home that day.
Getting back to your dorm room and heading straight for your laptop.
Deciding a nap would do you good.
Realizing your nap turned into a full blown sleeping session,which left you dazed,confused and ridiculously sleepy.
Opting to clean said room (since pigs probably live in cleaner environments) and discovering you've slept the entire afternoon on a cockroach,keeping it warm and company.
Spraying so much Killtox after you're done with your almost gruesome tasks of sweeping and mopping  foreign hair that you feel blessed to end up with only a headache (and not dead,presumably).
Trying to eat something while listening to music,only to discover a careless millipede strolling on your wall.
Procrastinating on the internet, while still having to do college homework and a movie to see (also college related).
Realizing you are fucked as Hell in this life (and,probably,the other one too).

vineri, 25 aprilie 2014

All at once

D-aia nu gasesc eu niciodata un echilibru in viata,pentru ca zilele mele sunt fie absurd de fade ("ne-rezumabile" chiar),fie absurd de incarcate.Asa se intampla cand te incapatanezi sa lasi viata sa treaca pe langa tine...
In fine,mi-am luat curajul de a infrunta lumea la purtator si am inceput sa-mi rezolv din treburi.
M-am intalnit cu my platonic soulmate (Honey,I love you) si ne-am luat bilete la Summer Well (*heavy breathing because BASTILLE*),am fost sa cumpar cadouri (what are friends for otherwise?),i-am adus bunicii flori de ziua ei,ce sa mai- om ocupat.
Plus ca am plecat la camin deoarece,nu-i asa,cum sa ratez eu prilejul de a ma duce sambata la un singur curs,cum sa nu...Norocul meu ca exista turta dulce delicioasa si conexiune la internet buna,altfel m-as fi dat cu capul de pereti acum (mai mult decat o fac de obicei,de altfel).
Oricum,am de stat mult si bine pana miercuri in caminul asta "fantastic" si deja ma doare sufletul cand ma gandesc.Stiu sa ma adaptez,dar nu pot sa accept anumite lucruri,ce sa-i faci...
Nu-mi ramane decat sa ma indop cu zahar si sa plang pe melodii triste.Ceea ce fac eu mereu,adica...
Trebuie sa ascult neaparat "Snap out of it" de la Arctic Monkeys.Neaparat.

joi, 24 aprilie 2014

The moon in my hand

the window is coated
with gloomy lace

my temples are pounding
with the sound
of drums made from
human skin

I have broken my
and the scattered pieces on the floor
make my heart's soles
bleed from within

the moon is white and naked
in my hands,
waiting for words
to robe her with a purpose

I don't know
how to behave
when I am mad at myself

the air between us
is so tense
it could slap you across the face
if cut with a kitchen knife

the stale smell of air
lingers in my brain

I can't seem to be selfless
to keep my misery from breeding

miercuri, 23 aprilie 2014

...and again!

Why does school happen to good people?Well,not me (not yet,anyway),but my brother-which means I have to get into this routine of his as well while I'm still at home.
Ugh,why can't I suspend time and thrive on bucketloads of TV shows and coffee alone?The gods of procrastination are treating me awfully nowadays.
Anyway,maybe his starting school will jump start my academic drive as well,since I have almost forgotten I actually do attend college (apparently).What are books?What are responsibilities?What is life?!
Excuse me,I'm still emotionally compromised because "I'M WITH YOU TILL THE END OF THE LINE". Indeed,I need a moment,please.Yes,I get invested in fictional characters like that,kudos to me.
It's rough,though,having to plunge into another stream of tedious activities after a long period when your only concern was not to forget (how) to breathe.I mean,I feel even more tired than before and my interest levels are at an all time low.
Even so,I'll leave aside thinking about the future because I'm in no mood for a panic attack.
Instead,I think I'm going to rely on sweet oblivion one more day-that's all I'm good at after all.

marți, 22 aprilie 2014

"...till the end of the line"

Pentru ca eu sunt o sora perfecta si extraordinara (*cough cough*),am decis sa-i fac un cadou de Sf.Gheorghe fratelui meu (George,adica) si sa mergem impreuna la Bucuresti (pe cheltuiala mea,se intelege).
Lasand la o parte panica generala de acasa (pentru ca,asa e,nici n-am eu 21 de ani si el aproape 14,nu,nu!),a fost o zi mai faina decat ma asteptam.
Am ajuns bine,ne-am luat numai prostii (dulciuri si jucarii LEGO),am dat o fuga pana la camin (I'll contain my rage for another time concerning this),apoi ne-am plimbat prin AFI (a se citi "ratacit enervant de mult pentru ca n-am fost in stare sa ne urcam pe primele scari rulante vazute") pana sa inceapa filmul.
Normal ca ne-am dus la "Captain America: The Winter Soldier" in 3D, iar singurul mod in care pot rezuma experienta este citandu-l pe insusi fratele meu:"Am fost compromis emotional".
Ceea ce este curios totusi este ca,dupa toata ziua asta de "du-te,vino",el a mai avut energie sa se duca la antrenamentul de baschet,pe cand eu inca zac mormaind in pat,cu pisicile misunand pe langa mine si sperand sa-mi treaca senzatia de greata (daca mananc tampenii,asa-mi trebuie!).
In definitiv,a fost o experienta memorabila si deja ne-am pus amandoi bani de-o parte sa o repetam.

luni, 21 aprilie 2014

Domestic roots

leave me be with my
crumbled sheets
and stinging sides

leave me be with my
chopping,hungry teeth
and bloodshot mind

leave me be in my
lightning-house cocoon
and letter craving

leave me be in my
uncertain future
and made up past

leave me be with my
domestic roots
and foreign loves

leave me be with my
cathartic rivers
and purple thighs

leave me be with my
unholy stomach
and circular days

leave me be with my
illusions and
thoughts of a better

duminică, 20 aprilie 2014

"Holiday" redefined

Cand eram mica,toate sarbatorile aveau un aer special.Craciunul mirosea a portocale si a caldura,iar Pastele insemna hainute noi si zile insorite.Am crescut,am imbatranit,s-au schimbat povestile.
Acum,parca ne incearca pe toti in casa un aer de enervare si tristete de cate ori trebuie sarbatorit ceva "oficial".Oare am pierdut prea multe (si prea multi) sa mai simtim fericirea la date fixe sau ne-a pervertit societatea in care traim?Nu stiu,chiar nu stiu...
La Prohod n-am mers anul acesta (bunica a fost prea obosita-cozonacii cer multe de la om!-si a ploua teribil),iar Invierea a fost,cu scuzele de rigoare,un fiasco.
A turnat cu galeata pana am ajuns acolo,au inceput sa sune toate telefoanele mobile cand au iesit preotii afara (pe toate limbile si melodiile posibile,desigur),lumea parea ca executa mai mult un automatism decat un gest spiritual si cate si mai cate.Pe scurt,ma mir ca nu s-a pravalit peste mine biserica atunci si acolo la cat am injurat.
Iar ziua de Paste in sine a orbitat in jurul meselor (copioase) si a papoy-lor si a lenei generale.S-a instalat apatia,asta constat...
Nu pot sa fac nicio urare acum,nu-i mai simt de mult timp esenta...

sâmbătă, 19 aprilie 2014

Useless child

Mark my words: having a child is like gambling away your sanity while being blindfolded.
Sure,you can do your best to try and mold a beautiful human being, but creation has its habit of surpassing the "depth and breadth and height" originally imposed by its master.
In other words,you can get anything ranging from an angel to an asshole.
Me?I think I'm somewhere in between.I'll have my days of "domestic martyrdom" and general fluffiness towards my family,but most of the time I'm just miserable,lazy and deeply lost in an existential crisis only I understand (apparently).
For example,mom is in the kitchen right now,toiling away to prepare food for Easter (which is tomorrow-hey,who knew?!) and I'm here in my room,writing about silly things that no one cares about (including me sometimes,to be honest).
As much as I want to help her,1.I don't think she wants me to (she gets possessive like that with the kitchen) and 2.you couldn't get me to move right now even if you used a crane.
See,you're gambling with the outcome,each child at a time!
Ugh,when will I ever learn to behave like a "normal" human being...

vineri, 18 aprilie 2014

12 on the dot

I am nothing

don't worry,I swore to tell
nothing but the truth,
be it one that masks
a phantasm or one
that startles the insane

revolves around divine numbers
when the flesh
grows weary,
not caring whether the sun is set
or beaming its obnoxious

I could have sworn I saw
blue petals dangling
from my ankles
mere moments ago...

a symphony of crackling bones
presides the opening ceremony
of the morning,
while bubbling eyes moan their clarity
into pillows-
what did I do to deserve life?

I swear I have no pleasure
brought about by being
in the middle of
a swelling body and an inarticulate mind

joi, 17 aprilie 2014

My bones are weeping

to feel the unbridled joy
of gentle degradation
as your bones weep with the gratitude
of the saved

for such a stinging pain
of pleasure
has never dripped from tainted walls
and dusty floors-
I feel as dead
as never alive before

could those be ivy-fingers
crawling up my thighs?
or velvet cockroaches entwining
in the hollow crevices
of this spine?

I'm too numb to protest

my limbs have turned
into marble,
you could carve another
out of them

what did I hear just now?
the flutter of wings
or my own sinking lungs?

rooted lips of envy
sing one final song
for the undead and weary

miercuri, 16 aprilie 2014

On the cold run

I never thought I'd hate rain
or rusty clocks
or people who forget
how to be mundane

my soaked heap
of fabric and memories
stands sprawled
at my feet,
while I clutch,both trembling
and weary,
to the mirrored soul
next to me

wheels turn

people come and go

houses melt into
a single tableau
of green and gloomy

a voice marching in my ear
tells me misery
is universal-
ah,but so are its nuances,
terrible stranger!

I arrive, I say "goodbye",
I depart-
such are the days
when you are
on the cold run