vineri, 31 august 2012

Mending light and twisted shadows

Life is rather simple,I guess.You need air and food and water to survive,a shelter and a purpose to live,love to give meaning to it all.And you need them in this order specifically.Who's ever been able to properly grasp philosophy on an empty stomach anyway?
Thankfully,the Heavens have been kind to me-I now have enough to keep me going,but less than it would suffice for me to stop craving for more.Though this might not be the best way to put it,I'm proud.I'm proud of myself for trying to work with what I've been given,in the hope of achieving a better outcome.Somewhere along the road,my eyes have been cleansed and my mind has been opened-call it a variation of baptism,if you will.And I'm not ashamed to admit that I draw my energy and happiness from things and events that others may regard as childish,even excessively mundane.
Even so,I'm grateful for a good night's sleep.I'm seeing a privilege in the same morning routine of coffee,cats and sun-filled skies,not a granted thing.I can't imagine a more bonding activity than reading a book beside my brother,with nature pleasantly surrounding us.There is no greater feeling in the world than knowing that everyone you care about is safe and sound in this apparently swallowing pattern.
How easily could this empire burn to the ground!How undisturbed would the Universe carry on its progression,while your entire reality crumbles at your feet!
I'd rather not think about such scenarios,though I often find myself doing the exact opposite.That's when a concoction of panic and pain takes over,that's when it all goes to Hell.No matter how many tears I shed or how many prayers I say,it won't go away-the crippling sensation of helplessness.
The nightmares then start creeping in,with the full moon as their silent witness.
Here we go again...

joi, 30 august 2012

For the love of words!

...because what am I without my words?I cannot stand before the world without an idea orbiting around passion's core or a symphony of letters rolling towards the tip of my tongue.I need to constantly feel a novel carving itself between the edges of my ribs,around my heart's restless beat,beneath the skin of my loins.I desire nothing but the fragile skeleton of sincere poetry and the gripping strings of endless pages.My bones are made of wood,my meat's a sea of ink,the skin above it-transparent stories of life and death and everything in between.
Like rivers with reversed streams,my veins shelter crimson blood and exploding dreams in their journey to a higher power.And among the tallest mountains it dwells!And a crown of troubled thoughts it wears!And all that I am sprouts from there!Such heavy worlds on such weary shoulders...This glorious burden can crumble at any moment,its beauty becoming an unforgiving poison.And it often does...
Those beloved ideas turn into deceitful crows with pitch black feathers,their flight smothering and deceitful.Words wither and letters crush under the weight of their own bitter substance.The lustful necessity of a blooming novel only ends up destroying the organic being that holds its plot.Marrow drips from the ends of incomplete rhymes and action mirrors only splattered events.It's as if anxiety had become a cancer of some sorts,spreading and clutching to every cell of reason and tranquility and will not to survive,but to live.
How ironic!The master at the feet of his very own beasts!I'm already bleeding on the inside and it's starting to show...If only I could sleep.If only I could forget.If only I could welcome oblivion as a dear friend.

miercuri, 29 august 2012

Naked nerves

Imi fuge pamantul de sub picioare.Desi ceasul din colt striga din toti rarunchii arcuiti sa ma misc,nu pot.Ma sare cu o secunda la fiecare respiratie si raman mereu in urma.De parca as putea amaneta ore,de parca as putea imprumuta zile...Nu-mi vine in minte decat un covor acum.Un covor imens ce se rostogoleste monoton,cu un miez de spirale incerte si ticaituri asurzitoare.Nici macar toate zambetele din lume n-ar putea schimba acum faptul ca viata imi pare ca un covor ce abia asteapta sa fie calcat de cineva in picioare.
Doare?Doare.Doare cand ti se inroseste carnea si ti se lipesc buzele de dinti si gandurile ti se avanta prin minte cu furia brutala a o mie de soldati.Ce sa-i faci?Rabufnirea te condamna automat,iar linistea te umple de o fiere gretoasa.Calea de mijloc nu aduce consolarea niciunei parti-dimpotriva,lama ei boanta oscileaza constant intre a adanci rana si a-i oferi sarutul absentei.Ce faci cand vrei sa tipi,dar nu poti decat sa taci?Blestemi totul.Insa iti amintesti ca Universul este crud si ai vrea sa retragi veninul in cochilia-i alba.Pana la urma,cine stie?Nici nu vreau sa termin gandul asta,asa ca-i pecetluiesc soarta pe hartie.Sunt furioasa pe propria-mi furie si am pierdut planul de evadare din aceasta mizerabila cusca.
Oare cand am sa inteleg cu adevarat ca nimic nu dureaza o vesnicie?Emotiile au o data de expirare timpurie,iar sentimentele se descompun uneori de la sine.Nu mai simt nimic acum.Furie,entuziasm,mandrie,regret,consolare,inconstienta,toate au fost sterse de o mana invizibila de pe tablia sufletului.Sunt goala.Sunt stearpa.Sunt o carcasa fara scop si fara motivatie.O sa raman asa o vreme.Poate ca timpul chiar vindeca...Nu!Noaptea vindeca si intuneca si invinge orice tentativa de razvratire.Tic-tac,tic-tac...

marți, 28 august 2012

Blindfolded revelation

let's pretend the night's a sea of widowed dreams,
all black and deceitful and hungry for a saving ship.
let's pretend the light's a friendly gift from the gods,
a balm of yellow substance and tangerine core.
let's pretend I'm all grown up now,
wanting to create and fearful of the fall.
let's pretend this worn out circle is our sole treasure,
which we hate to admit,but love to remember.
let's pretend this moment is of divine origin,
with nature flowing towards my broken dignity.
let's pretend I can handle whatever life throws at me,
be it the smile of a stranger or my chest disintegrating.
let's pretend that time and death do not exist
and that the Universe is a blend of wonders and amethyst.
let's pretend my youth is just a fleeting game,
one I could recalibrate and somehow start again.
let's pretend we're real and infinite and blessed,
so that my dreams won't haunt me like ravenous beasts again.
let's pretend.

luni, 27 august 2012

Lost tapes and fluffy blankets

Beautiful dreams make up for ugly nights.This is my youth,this is my pride!A handful of blue words and crafted emotions,all spread out on sheets of strange perfume.Not quite what I've been dreaming about in the past,when I still believed in...It doesn't matter.I won't stop!I'll sing my songs and I'll raise my voice and I'll make my life an important one!This doesn't mean I have to conquer the world-oh,no!My bedroom,a tormented soul and the company of a beloved one would more than suffice.You see,I've built myself to be contempt,yet to always be craving for a little bit more.Better eyes,better lyrics,better core...It's never easy,it's never dull.With time moving as fast as it does,I rarely see my existence as my own anymore.But when I do,it's all an explosion of marvel and excitement and great things to come.If my mind can conjure it,then my body will most definitely have to materialize it!Beautiful dreams really do make up for ugly nights.

duminică, 26 august 2012

Big small things

This is the city of my youth,the city of my life.I've seen most of its corners and my memories are bound to it like roots to soil.Yet...Yet it sometimes scares me how much I deny reality.How buildings suddenly appear,though they have been there for years and years.How everything just is- right here,right now.And I have to open my eyes a little wider to let it all sink in...

I think a man wanting a child is a sign of true love.I think the look on his face upon seeing a baby is priceless.I think that nudging his wife every time a small one passes them by is beyond adorable.I think a protective and loving father is one of life's great blessings.I think I'm really,really,really lucky...

There is more to this than meets the eye...Brighter colors,fuller lives,happier hearts,tighter embraces,a general feeling of fulfillment we either don't see or choose to ignore.The Universe can be divided into infinite possibilities and spaces,so many that our minds cannot even begin to fathom!And I am worried and amazed and confused,all at the same time...

"Don't cover yourself with thistle and weeds..."

sâmbătă, 25 august 2012

Busy Saturday bee

List of things I have accomplished today:
  • woke up after a heavenly night of sleep and pretty dreams
  • had a traditional cup of coffee in the company of my furry angels
  • helped dad do some manly work in a very manly way ( 'cause,you know,I'm a manly man at heart )
  • cooked without setting the house on fire (hurray!)
  • managed to somehow not drown in the bathtub (double hurray!)
  • tamed my hair and obtained what my friends call a "squirrel-like" look
  • went out with my dear friend Lizzie for a "fangirl session" and a "no-dogs-allowed" walk
  • freaked out about uni (again)
  • spent my youth on the Internet (with no regrets whatsoever)
As you can see,I am a very organized,dedicated and prolific professional (*ba dum tsss*).Whatever,there's still time to rule the world...Geronimo!

vineri, 24 august 2012

Swollen lips

these dreams are hurting me,pumping
through bruised veins and
swollen lips without mercy-
drowsy mornings have never felt
so wrong,my love...
something's missing from this picture,
events have been left undone
and I'm in desperate need
of a heated touch...
the walls are a stark white,
why so?to push this fiery need above
and beyond the crimson seams
of sin?
I have built too many obscure realities
for this to be a sane thing-
as if living in your head
instead of your body
has ever been as satisfying
as a burning kiss...
past memories and present friends,save me
from my own cravings!
let's get drunk!
let's smoke the night away!
let's talk about things that are forbidden!
make me forget about these swollen lips
and my broken ego...

joi, 23 august 2012

From bad to good

Waking up with a headache the size of Mars isn't the best way to start out the day.Using it as an excuse to screw up breakfast isn't one either...Alas,what is my life?It's hot like Hell outside,my cats appear to have lost their fluffy minds and this weird nail polish is really starting to get on my nerves.Oh,and I'm feeling like a lazy cookie again!Ugh!What to do,what to do?
Well,"take a sad song and make it better",what else could one do?For example,have a cup of coffee- boom! two hours of complete happiness.A good book and putting things into perspective also help.And,when all else fails,go out with your good friends.Seriously,a few beers and a strong dose of talking do the trick all the time!Also,they remind you of the things you actually have and the fact that you need to cherish them (before it's too late).Isn't the past funny,though?How it comes back not to haunt,but to teach an old lesson.
Man,how I love these smoky nights!

miercuri, 22 august 2012

Anticipation and delight

It's hard to sleep peacefully when you have to be aware of every breath,every movement,every sigh of the night.
As usual,duty comes first and duty makes me more bitter than anything I've ever known-even so,responsibility is a somewhat pleasant side effect.
I've never dreamed I would be so engulfed in a story and so mesmerized by its words!
Waiting and not knowing are two of the hardest things in the world,I kid you not!
This peculiar sinking feeling gets to me sometimes and I can't help but yield in to its most charming delight (though the aftermath is messy and painful and rather atemporal).
How lovely it is to have an echo in the house again!
As they say,you never know what you have until you've lost it,right?
"Routine" is nice,"routine" is welcomed-if it means being with the ones I love,then so be it!
Maybe the nightmares will go away tonight...

marți, 21 august 2012

Strangeness and strangers

How many people do you know?
How many people do you love?
How many people make you quiver
in your skin and how many could you trace
from memory with light fingertips in the air?
How many people you wish you could have kissed?
How many people have left scars on you?
How many people do you crave to have
present in your dreams,in your bed,under your
How many people have you saved?
How many people have fallen because
of your ravenous eyes and damned lips?
How many people could you turn into a poem
or a novel or a book with no pages whatsoever?
How many people do you think understand
and enjoy your strangeness?
How many people could you fit in your
How many people did you forgive or cast out?
How many people are on this earth?
How many people would you raise
from the dark?
How many people?How many people,indeed...

luni, 20 august 2012

Crafty wrists

My hands are the ones which mold this enclosed Universe as they please,as I please.Fingers pressing against dirty coins,deciding whether or not they should be kept for darker times or spent on lavish sunny days.Tender skin touching shoulder blades,while smiles and plans and future's ghost are all swimming between them.Unaware nails tracing the outline of inanimate objects,dreaming and wishing they could be as useful as their original purpose.Polished bones,aching muscles,an aging mechanism in the midst of conflicting energies.Always ready for the next move,never prepared for what is about to come-helpful or not?I think "indispensable" is the appropriate word in this case.Be it dull or extraordinary,this left-right duet is what enables me to give meaning to something otherwise...vapid.The blisters in my palms stand testimony to my existence and my bruised knuckles make good use of blood.See?I am the work of my hands.This is my legacy,this is my unwritten will.As for the rest,it's all dust and fairy tales... 

duminică, 19 august 2012

Empty rooms

a house is a house when it's got
a proper foundation and walls and a roof.
a house becomes a home when people
decide to infuse it with a soul.
these fragile beings give a purpose
to a foundation,a wall or a roof-
everything comes alive when life itself is allowed
to take roots.
that's why I don't like empty rooms-
they always give off a perfume
of insecurity and longing on still emotions.
alone!I feel alone surrounded by barren materials,
where there's no echo to listen to or return,
even more lonesome than usual...
and I give in to a state of perpetual disdain,
tired from doing nothing,
exhausted by a sentimental drought
that will not go away...
in the end,the decisions you make
are the ones which prove it's real-
but I still can't shake off this horrible
taste in my mouth and this incomplete
sense of existence...
a house is just a house.
a house can become a home.

sâmbătă, 18 august 2012

Losing track

Days like this one right here make me believe that maybe,just maybe,time doesn't control everything.Love has always been the same.So has hatred,so has pain.But the shapes they come in and the masks they wear shift according to an evolutionary process of proportions I cannot even fathom in my brain.The pages I go through with shaking fingers and burning eyes stand testimony to this truth.The words which melt into cursive songs whisper the same truth.The people we capture into immortal signs of blessed youth stand as proof.They have no age,they know no death.
...I do,I will and I am afraid I won't mean a thing-unless...Isn't it what we all dream of?A purpose,an everlasting voice,eternity...It sometimes appears to be one gruesome joke from above.Nevertheless,we rise,we help,we strive and we thrive.Insecurities and all.We occasionally turn a wrong into a right and the world starts making sense once more.At this point,time melts and every clock goes numb-it doesn't matter,nothing matters anymore.
A haze,a dream,a timeless purpose...

vineri, 17 august 2012

Cinder wings

though my feet would like to wander
through busy streets and lonely waves,
my mind won't move and always craves
to spread its roots among
the blackened cells of eternal dirt.
this body of mine is weak,so weak,
a collection of painful bones
pinned down against a meat sheet,
waiting to die
and longing to live...
am I important?
am I a hero in somebody's eyes?
am I enough of a man to make it all
stupid mind...stupid lies...
time flies like a forgetful sparrow
which I cannot trap in a cage,
be it memory or pen...
is this effort all in vain?
don't answer that,sweet stranger,
I'd rather close my eyes and pretend
I'm in the twilight of a dream...
I'd rather be a song.
I'd rather be a poem.
I'd rather be alone...

joi, 16 august 2012

Pretty faces and TARDIS blue

Things that made me happy today:
  • the fact that I slept like a baby
  • my morning coffee,steaming,dreamy and foreshadowing beautiful events
  • those fluffy balls of excitement and wonder known as my cats
  • an overwhelming sensation of laziness,greeted with both reluctance and joy
  • remembering that the small things in life make it all worth it and that the big ones only add to the "pile of good things"
  • painting my nails TARDIS blue
  • realizing that change is good and inevitable at some point (in time and space)
  • meeting up with the gorgeous girls who made my high school experience a truly awesome one and understanding how much I'm really going to miss their pretty faces and brilliant minds
  • listening to music not only with my ears,but with my entire body
  • my never-ending supply of green apples
  • focusing on the things that make me happy,rather than letting the ones which make me miserable take over

All in all,good day,man!Good day.

miercuri, 15 august 2012

Mary has a little life...

Mary has a little back
which hurts like Hell when she wakes up-
but that isn't the point today
because,wouldn't you know it,
it's her name day!
Mary has a little brain
that sobs into her coffee and flails
when fictional characters come this way-
fret not,little Mary,it's all fun and games!
(until you find out you can't even breathe anymore
because your heart can't handle the pain!)
Mary has a little flaw
which makes her occasionally lazy and dull-
but aren't we all every so often
like a mindless self indulgent sloth?
Mary has a little fear
that makes her shy away from people-
but she's working on it really hard,
so cut her some slack and shut the f* up!
(I'm talking to you,sassy voices in the head!)
Mary has a little family
for which she'd give anything to see happy all the time-
and,when serenity does arrive,Mary knows she has
everything she needs right here,right now.
Mary has a little life
of which she's proud and which she'll love till death
do them part.

marți, 14 august 2012

Honeyed strawberry

Ador zilele incarcate!N-ai timp nici sa respiri macar,dar nici sa te temi sau sa regreti ceva imposibil.Sunt zile dominate de miscare,de actiune perpetua,ca si cum viata ti s-ar fi transformat brusc intr-un film turnat in ritm alert.Te simti viu!Te simti util!Te simti capabil sa construiesi,sa purifici,sa renasti.Gesturile simple se proiecteaza in neant si-ti amintesc de faptul ca viata merita traita din plin,chiar daca numai pentru acest sentiment infloritor.Iar timpul nu mai fuge,ci se aliniaza fiintei tale mereu impinse inainte,urmand sa se contopeasca intr-un mecanism sublim.
Ah,cata fericire se poate naste din cele mai neinsemnate atingeri!Abia acum realizez cata energie se pierde in cladirea unor lumi putin probabile si cata se investeste in concret...Sincer,mi se pare un raport inegal si ireal!Vreau sa invat cum sa traiesc mai mult aici,printre oameni cu fete fascinante,schimbari de vara,culori insiropate,zile insorite,momente in familie,cuvinte personale si stupide,in magia vietii obisnuite...
Am ajuns sa-mi fie frica de toate minunile astea cotidiene,insa incerc sa le pretuiesc si sa mi le conserv in minte ca dulci amintiri cu gust de miere si capsuni...

luni, 13 august 2012

Tinged day

every shadow has a light
shining through the layers of its heart-
this is how the world works,
a blank canvas awaiting the loving touch
of a blind man...
I slowly drown in the illuminated waters
of life and hope and endless possibilities,
longing and lusting for a breeze
of yellow and black touch...
color has become a trickster
of ever-changing moods-
blue piercing through my eyes' silence,
red's opulence dancing between
people and places,
even green slithering beneath soles
in the middle of a sizzling day...
I am a slave,a fool for a mirage!
how can one carve a story out of every lie
sent by the Sun and laugh
at the tinted words and hued paragraphs? young,my God,so in love
with a fleeting sentiment...
even so,there I am-drenched in orange,
purple and teal,smiling and nodding
at my yet to be finished
imperfect picture...

duminică, 12 august 2012

Bastard land

Imi cer scuze (din nou) celor care mai citesc duminica aberatiile mele.Se pare ca aceasta zi este intr-adevar speciala- invoca toate progeniturile Satanei si le pune sa danseze in curtea mea de speciala ce este...Literalmente.Ca de obicei,sa curga tampeniile vietii mele "palpitante".Dupa caz si preferinte,va urez "Bine ati venit!"/"La revedere!".

Stiti ce e cu adevarat de cacat pe lumea asta?Pamantul.Nu,nu planeta in sine (desi,prin extensie,s-ar aplica problema).Nici locul de veci al majoritatii.Pamantul ca mostenire imi sta mie ca un nod in gat acuma.Inteleg,vorbim de sentimentul posesiunii,de nostalgia trecutului,de legatura cu parintii si stramosii,de n  miliarde de chestii perfect rezonabile.Dar lua-l-ar naiba sa-l ia!N-as fi crezut vreodata ca un lucru atat de frumos si de spiritual poate produce atata rautate.Fara gluma si misto,ma rog sa mor saraca/fericita/impacata,apoi sa fiu postata gratios intr-o vaza spatioasa.Macar sa nu fiu motiv de cearta nici deasupra celor 2 m (metaforici) de tarana,nici sub ei.Desigur,cum soarta (vad) ca imi aloca numai artificii si surprize,nu ma astept decat la scenariul temut de deasupra.Daca am dreptul sa ma tin cu dintii de un singur lucru,sper ca acela sa fie ratiunea...
Alta chestie absolut geniala (*cough,cough* sarcasm) pe ziua de azi este amestecul fascinant dintre ploaie,munca,frig si descompunerea fizica (cea emotionala se subintelege).Pe scurt,m-am trezit cu un nucleu de nervi inveninati in stomac,m-am luptat cu eterna durere de spate,am stat sub o cortina sacadata de apa (daca circumstantele o cer,ne sacrificam) si m-am confruntat cu un apetit fluctuant,toate pe fundalul unei minunate altercatii familiale (as putea adauga chiar "geriatrice").Nu-i asa ca deja ma invidiati?Cred si eu!Imi vine sa-mi brevetez existenta,nu alta!Cel putin acum nu mai am scuze sa nu scriu un roman-Dumnezeu mi-e martor,"resurse" am din belsug!Of,sfinte...
In cele din urma,trebuie neaparat mentionat faptul ca am pierdut ceremonia de inchidere a Jocurilor Olimpice.Si ce m-am mai distrat la deschidere!Bine,daca se poate numi "distractie" statul de una singura in fata computerului,mancand,razand si plangand,uneori activitatile acestea combinandu-se intr-o imagine,sa zicem,deloc "estetica".Totusi,este un eveniment ce se traieste mai fain "pe viu" (aka live),asa ca imi pare rau pentru victoria detasata a epuizarii in fata vointei de a impartasi,macar din fata ecranului,un mic segment al istoriei.
Per total,n-a fost o zi chiar atat de naspa (asta daca dam la o parte lucrurile nasoale si ne concentram exclusiv pe cele simpatice).Eh,se putea si mai rau,asa ca nu ma plang (hahahaha NO.).Oricum,vreau sa cred ca Universul le echilibreaza pe toate,asa ca nu-mi ramane decat sa astept.
Tomorrow is another day.

sâmbătă, 11 august 2012

Observing nothingness

my bed is a place of wonders and sleepy ghouls
this morning is like a framed memory:just a cup of coffee,a bunch of cats,my father looking like the man who saved the world
the rain is tender and fresh,a bouquet of water drops and icy air
this cold wind bounces with electricity against my body and transforms the autumn clothes into a cozy retreat
my thoughts wonder like aimless leaves,blurring reality and soothing this threatening feeling that's taking over me
the steaming plate in front of me paints a picture of forgotten childhood and gratitude
these words that hold together the strings of sound make my heart blush and lust and beat like a thousand drums
my written emotions are a treasure of feeble,yet unmeasurable worth
the amount of hot cocoa that I drink is slowly becoming an issue for my summer nights
these green apples remind me of fairy tales
my merciless back is a conscious creature and a familiar enemy
this life is sometimes OK

vineri, 10 august 2012

Cozy storm de ce imi decide umbra somnului lumina zilei?Poate ca intunericul constiintei latente reprezinta in sine o alta viata,un Univers cu drepturi depline.Mi-am gasit geamanul dizolvat in neant!Traieste langa mine,in coltul luminat de Luna pe pat... de ce ma linisteste rutina atat de mult?Cred ca tanjesc dupa starea de dinaintea vietii -asa am citit undeva- d-aia imi urmez cu sfintenie actul demn de circ.Cani,castroane,usi,paturi,coate,genunchi,voci,ochi,buze,iar,iar,iar si iar. de ce ma pierd in iluzia fericirii temporare?Ma incred in straini,venerez chipuri distante,ma mulez emotiilor unui spatiu creat din nimic.Magie sau blestem,inima mea este acum o bomba cu ceas... de ce imi aduce totul aminte de copilarie in ultimul timp?Seri lenese,desene vechi,chicoteli tinere si sentimentul dulce al vacantei cu spatii goale in calendar- de-ar fi toate furtunile atat de primitoare si calde! de ce imi pun eu atatea intrebari fara ecou?

joi, 9 august 2012

Rainy train station

"Se doarme mai bine cu sufletul impacat,perna mototolita si stomacul gol.Astfel,te trezesti amintindu-ti cu drag de ziua magica a trecutului si pregatesti cele necesare vrajilor urmatoare cu fluturasi prin vene.
Of,cat de greu se naste o scrisoare cu adevarat sincera!Cat de dificil se materializeaza sufletul in cerneala bleumarin!Dar rezultatul...Sublim!Marin!Submarin!Aproape carmin...
Sunt utile si sentimentele imprumutate,nu-i asa?Da,da.Mai are inima multe de invatat si de pompat,asa ca orice ajutor este mai mult decat binevenit!Chiar daca,uneori,palma de pe obraz se transforma in pumn...
Mi mic,m-ai lasat intr-o gara de joi,cu ploaia pe umeri si cu zambetul legat in colturi de urechi!Iti multumesc-pentru ce,ti-am explicat.Desi cuvintele au devenit de prisos...Sincer,nu-mi imaginam un "final" mai reusit:dramatic,totusi linistit.
Ma simt ca personajul secundar dintr-un film frumos despre viata si nu regret nimic.
Sper sa ajungi cu bine acasa si oriunde altundeva iti propui.Cu sunet de tren in urechi si amintiri proaspete pe buze,te sarut!"

miercuri, 8 august 2012

Infinity tower

As vrea sa-mi pot scutura capul la sfarsitul noptii intr-o galeata,sa iasa toate cosmarurile si toata moartea cu gust real din el.
As vrea sa pot crea toata viata din nimic si sa fac ceva memorabil.
As vrea sa am o rezerva inepuizabila de cafea,pisici,mere verzi si zile insorite la indemana.
As vrea sa pot indura micile si marile dureri ale vietii cu mai multa mandrie.
As vrea sa ne ramana mereu in suflet aceasta zi plina,cu turnul,cu infinitul,cu zambetul si cu gandul soptit,cu inghetata verde si cartile citite ca prin vis la "masa sunetului" intiparite in amintire.
As vrea ca totul sa fie mereu bine si bun.
As vrea  ca istoria noastra sa se impleteasca intr-un model senin cu istoria colectiva.
As vrea ca toate verile sa fie la fel de spirituale si aromate ca aceasta.
As vrea sa pot iubi mai mult.
As vrea ca epuizarea fizica sa fie intotdeauna atat de dulce.
As vrea sa nu regret cafeaua asta.
As vrea sa zambesc fara motiv.
As vrea sa fie fericirea la fel de simpla ca acum.

marți, 7 august 2012


"Unele momente vin prea tarziu,iar altele nu vin niciodata.Insa momentul acesta a poposit in viata noastra la apusul hotarat de Univers,pe marginea unui lac vorbitor si in sanul unui 3 feminin.N-au mai contat oasele sacaitoare,nici gandurile imbacsite de cosmarurile noptii abia aruncate in bratele trecutului-magia a stat in buze,in priviri,in prezent.Toate ceasurile petrecute sub copertina cuvintelor blajine (dar scrise pe coli ori batute in neant) s-au metamorfozat in realitatea parului blond,a penelor zburatoare,a ruinelor intunecate.
Poate ca te-am speriat putin,Mi mic,insa aveam atat de multe sa-ti spun,sa-ti arat,sa-ti transmit,incat mi-am lasat vocea sa navaleasca in aer si mintea sa absoarba adevarul tangibil al clipei.Iar acum avem o banca,nu-i asa?Una cu fum,umbre,Batman si amintiri...
As vrea sa am suficiente cuvinte sa pot broda imaginea luminoasa a acestei intalniri,insa nu ma lasa inima s-o dezvalui lumii.Este si va ramane in sanul unui 3 feminin,cu Lana del Rey pe un fundal imaginar si infinitul ca omniprezent complice..."

luni, 6 august 2012

Melting skin

celula cu celula,ne topim
intr-un amalgam de asternuturi ude,
blestemand cerul si urandu-ne trupurile.
ranjetul incandescent se inalta
mai sus,
cel mai sus,
iar pielea ni se scurge printre degete,
printre genunchi,peste pometi si prin buze,
ca un rau piersiciu iesit din matca.
ne sprijinim in oasele albe ca sa alungam
vartejul cel negru din tample si ochi,
insa lumina inunda
tot orizontul.
o furie oranj se inalta in mine
precum o faclie din nervi innodati-
nu ma poate salva nici noaptea,
nici promisiunea unui inceput inghetat...
celula dupa celula,ne reconstruim
in arhitectura asternuturilor aride,
rugandu-ne Lunii si pansandu-ne trupurile.

duminică, 5 august 2012

For crying out loud!

This is really stupid.Like,really,really,really stupid.Bear with me.Or not...

Son of a bitch!Why me?Why can't I get a good night's sleep?I don't deserve it or what!?Frankly,I'm past the point where waking up with a tormenting back and my ribs digging into my lungs can be considered "acceptable".
...and where the fuck did these feelings of anger,desperation,cruelty and fear come from?I mean,whoa!Whoa!WHOA!I don't need to be the "big bad bitch" right now,seriously!And you know what's truly damn wrong with this whole picture?I can't help it.I can't help wanting to split open somebody's skull just to release part of the tension.
The Devil must have decided to make me his own "special project"-this is the best explanation I can come up with right now.And it fucking sucks!I hate it!I hate myself for being like this.And I particularly loathe the fact that I've basically ruined an entire day for my whole family.Because I'm that type of fucking person who can't hold in all the misery and just "decides" to share it with most innocent bystanders.Freaking awesome,right?
...except it's not.It's not alright to be fine one minute and the next to behave like a complete lunatic.It's just not right...
The little things get to me and turn a simple issue into a problem of gigantic proportions.Man,it's ludicrous!Why am I being bothered by the way in which someone eats or walks or thinks?Why can't I stand it when things don't go exactly as planned?Why,in the name of all that's holy,do these situations always make everything worse?Son of a...
We're not the perfect family.I'm not as good as I could be (from every angle you could imagine).This is not the best city.Or the best country.Or the best Universe,for that matter.But...We try,you know?We struggle and fight and endure a lot of shit to get where we want to-yet it never seems to be enough.And that fucking sucks:for me,for you,for the entire freaking world!
Wouldn't you know it:another Sunday gone down the drain!I've got to hand it to my mood swings,they always seem to find the optimal time for a good kick in the guts!Oh,come on,just shoot me and be done with it!I'm sick of regret and pain and anxiety and the crippling feeling that something bad is about to happen...
Screw coffee!Screw mindless distractions!Screw this superficial bonding of ours!Screw IT ALL!I officially give up.I surrender to a burning desire that breeds only fury and disgust.
I'm sorry for this pointless piece of writing,but I really needed to get it out of my system.Even though complaining is all I ever do nowadays...

sâmbătă, 4 august 2012

Streets and feet

as merge pana pe Marte
cu huma pe talpi
si cu aripi de randunica pe spate.
as merge prin ploaie
cu tine de mana
si cu timpul mototolit in buzunare.
as merge pe Soare
cu buzele impletite
si cu mintea golita de orice intrebare.
as merge pe toate strazile vietii
cu ochii larg deschisi
si cu ghirlande agatate de plamani.
as merge prin paduri
cu pulpele goale
si cu amintirea fericirii prin ganduri.
as merge peste cer
cu umerii poleiti
si cu incheieturile legate de un curcubeu sincer.
as merge pe sub ocean
cu respiratia ferecata
si cu incantatiile parfumate ale unui indian.
as merge,as alerga,
as zbura...
as merge cu voi pana la capatul lumii
si inapoi.

vineri, 3 august 2012

Ghostly sheets

giulgiul in care dorm nu ma paraseste
nici cand lepad spuma noptii,
nici cand colind strazile,
nici cand incerc sa sterg ceata
cu mana cufundata in albastru...
fibra maculata
de emotii indescifrabile
imi inunda gura,plamanii,carnea si gandurile;
fibra naturala
aduce la suprafata
toate cosmarurile pe care le vreau
departe de mine,sugrumate in valuri;
fibra posedata
ma imbraca
in fantome,varcolaci,incertitudine si teama; simt cum colcaie ceva prin intuneric,
incarcandu-se cu zdrentele innegrite pe care n-am putut
sa le arunc din mine la timpul potrivit...
impaturesc asternuturile.
alung norii somnului tumultos.
imi urmez pasii pe cararea zilei.
giulgiul in care traiesc ma ingradeste.

joi, 2 august 2012

Summer changes

I release myself from the bounds
of pain,of sorrow,of meaningless regret.
the darkness can no longer
surround me
because I am light and sound and laughter.
I send my worries into the summer sun
and purify my body
in the sacred water
that springs from nature's womb.
sweetness engulfs unborn tears
in a swirl of leaves and fruits and kisses:
if only I could cradle my soul
beyond Heaven's gates...
I close my eyes and I close my mind
when floods of blackened thoughts
threaten to strike down
the golden ivy fence
which embraces this fall
into serenity:
it is not disappointment I fear,but wrath...
fire can no longer
burn my skin
because this is a hurricane and a prayer:
I sacrifice myself on the altar
of divine surrender.

miercuri, 1 august 2012

August rest

Sleeping is much better when you actually wake up not wanting to tear out your spine.Even so,I think I need a new bed.Or a new body.Or both.
Is it a good or a bad thing that I've become the type of person for which happiness represents a cup of steaming coffee,some playful cats and good music?
All my social interaction skills come from movies/TV shows.I think that says a lot about me.
It's nice to have a friend who truly understands and shares your dark,twisted and sick mind.At least I know I'll have someone to share my room with at the nuthouse I foresee in the near future.
We're all going to die,mark my words!If this heat keeps up,I swear,we're gonna wake up one day with the Sun in our backyards and then what?!This current meteorological situation gives a whole new meaning to the phrase "all Hell broke loose"...
If everything else fails,I know I'll always have my family,green apples and cocoa.
Things become infinitely more entertaining after midnight,trust me!
It appears that August will continue my summer tradition of pure laziness and regret.