sâmbătă, 30 iunie 2012

All the lost treasures

imi pare rau pentru plumbul sterp,
pentru floarea strivita-n mucegai,
imi pare rau pentru lumina fara cer
si pentru luceafarul parasit in putregai.

regret cuvintele de tinichea arucate-n
cupa cuvintelor din aur,
regret blestemele inocente proiectate-n
foaia cu rama de laur.

sa scot cristalul din ciuperci
si patima din tarana!
sa culeg arme din stanci
si pe femeie s-o fac sfanta!

urasc pogorarea in teluric
a buzelor din cerneala cosmica!
urasc prefacerea-n rit ludic
a paginilor de vita nobila!

orbiti de dogme si de timp,
asa ne tesem soarta!
manati de patrie si instinct,
asa descoasem cartea!

imi pare rau de acest viciu plastic
ce-a ucis in fasa un minunat catharsis.

vineri, 29 iunie 2012

Sidewalk sorrow

I am so tired...Tired to the point of lying on the ground and never getting up again.Tired to the point of temporary insanity,tired to the point of tears.My back is killing me,my eyes don't want to read another word,my body can't seem to keep up with my desires.And yet I fail to be noticed by a friendly voice.Not a particular one,just a glimpse of support to get me through the day.If my own flesh and blood won't acknowledge my efforts,then who should I turn to?
I'm trying my best here...I study from the moment I get up (which is pretty early in the morning for this time of the year) to when my head starts pounding like a million drums (let's say,late evening).I take care of my devilish cats and do what is to be done around the house.I help my brother and his (still) broken arm cope with the demands of everyday life.I do whatever it is asked of me,whether I like it or not,and never complain.I rarely talk back because I've learned (the hard way) that some words can't be redeemed.I keep my pains to myself,as I do with my joys.I now live by the imperatives of an inertial existence that allows me and the ones around me to make order out of chaos.But when is that ever enough?
Do I know that these things have to be done no matter what?Yes.Do I always feel comfortable with this mundane martyrdom?Probably.Am I now at peace with the fact that my efforts are being taken for granted?No.
I don't want a freakin' statue in the middle of the town square or a ceremony of gargantuan proportions to mark my pathetic struggles of household nuances.A simple "Thank you!" and an occasional hug would more than suffice.I also don't want hypocrisy and self-adoration and my actions being "graced" with curses brought back straight from the heart of Medieval loathing.World,world,world,why do you have to be such a child sometimes?
Everybody wants to first be noticed,then loved.And,though we are the center of our own unique Universe,we still want to claim the nucleus of at least another soul's perception.Here's where our intoxicated hopes fail to use reason:how do you make a person notice you when they also want to be noticed?Maybe I don't know how to choose the right words to express my idea and maybe my fingers are growing numb,but,my God,aren't we little egotistical brats!I personally blame it all on the movies which foreshadow a happy ending withing the first 10 minutes.I mean,who still believes in Prince Charming and a true reward,be it material or spiritual,for all the crap they go through in life?
"Lead by example"-that's one Hell of a good motto right here!So I'm going to let my tears wash away all this sorrow and start again.The Cosmos isn't going to stop and pity me,so I shouldn't either.Everything could be worse and love should be a medicine,not a weapon.That being said,I return to my shell,my stubborn silence and puffy cheeks.
In the end,I remain my true and sole best friend.

joi, 28 iunie 2012

She dances

she dances like a careless feather
in the midst of a hurricane,
covered in glitter
and bursting with rage;
her teal nails scratch the sun
and leave it bleeding
with light
above the desert's lungs;
this little black dove
thrives on the freedom
of a valley with no gods;
my damaged queen,
come back to sanity!
why lose your mind in the sunset
and your body to to a ghost
of sapphirine mist?
oh,but the night is stark,
while her dress can't hide
the amethyst growing on the flesh
of her thighs...
she dances like no one is there,
not even the rain,
not even herself.
she dances.

miercuri, 27 iunie 2012


the bones in my feet have been
sucked dry of marrow-
I can't march on one inch!
so tender is this naked flesh,
so crimson in the summer
the tight iron anchors of the spine
have started to patiently sink
into an abyss
of crushed ivory and shattered silk-
pain is here,
exhaustion has reached its limit...
what fine vines of thoughtful flesh
are fingers!
the way in which they linger
upon violet lips and sore eyes...
though I'll never understand why
their blood has such a rusty
the time has come to let
my nails fall to the ground and bloom.
so,atom by precious atom,
I am finding my way to the primordial womb.

marți, 26 iunie 2012

Crazy cat lady-the early years

Avand in vedere faptul ca fie sunt in negare absoluta,fie panica mea a atins pragul maxim al suportabilitatii si a trecut in amortire totala,astazi va voi prezenta creaturile minunate ce-mi prefigureaza viitorul solitar.Exactamundo!Este vorba despre cei patru demoni care mi-au facut inceputul verii mai frumos si chinul academic mai suportabil...

Adele este o vulpe in miniatura,mai galagioasa decat un bebelus si lunga cat o zi de post!Dintre toti,ea ar fi cea mai potrivita sa alerge un maraton si sa aiba zambetul pe...bot!Te priveste cu luciditate si un strop de nebunie,mereu gata sa-ti reproseze ca ai intarziat cu mancarea.S-ar juca de dimineata pana seara cu degetele tale,asta dupa ce se asigura ca ti-a smotocit bine sufletul.Renumita pentru baladele jelite la 3 dimineata.

Alice reprezinta dragalasenia intruchipata,un bulgare de blana viu!Desi prima impresie este de ingeras printre feline,modul in care te musca de papuci in timp ce trebaluiesti prin bucatarie o coboara in mod clar in teluric!In afara de asta (si de faptul ca se duce numai pe unde nu trebuie prin curte),mititica este adorabila!Cea mai cuminte,prima la somn dupa joaca si un ajutor de nadejde cand vine vorba de procrastinare.

d'Artagnan ,"barbatul familiei",curajosul curajosilor in lupta pentru cea mai buna bucatica din castronel.Mic si indesat,aproape roscovan,cea mai calduta burtica de pisoi,el imi tine predici extensive pe care,din pacate,nu le prea inteleg.Tot ce am putut deduce pana acum este ca-i place sa doarma in poala mea si ca este foarte posesiv cu fulgii gasiti cine stie pe unde.Adora sunetul propriilor pasi grabiti pe parchet si sa-mi lase "cadouri organice" sub pat.

Amelie este,ca sa imprumut din "intelepciunea" lui Costache Giurgiuveanu,"fe-fetita" mea.Cu un colorit vrednic de arta camuflajului si o privire etern nemultumita,m-a cucerit din clipa in care a inceput sa doarma sugandu-si labuta.Ca sa fie sigura ca m-am trezit bine de tot dimineata,se asaza in fundulet si miorlaie pana considera ca si-a indeplinit misiunea.Cunoscuta si ca "pisica-papagal",dat fiind ca-i place enorm sa doarma pe umarul oricarui voluntar.

In concluzie,daca nu iau BAC-ul,imi deschid crescatorie de pisici.

luni, 25 iunie 2012

Orchid buds

I grow as does the orchid bud,
my shell a green too raw
and my soul glistening
with pieces of the broken
A light beyond my skin's desire
would crush all hope of blooming
in the summer;
the darkness of an empty room
could send my roots into a withering
A shield of glass and tender eyes
is all I need to fight
a world of extreme contradictions-
but where do I begin?
There never seems to be enough affection
in this world,
let alone sapphires of protection!
So I let my leaves fall heavy,
burdened with a yellowish fever
of rejection,
and my stem to slowly descend
into a fate of perpetual
I die as does the orchid bud,
too little in the hands
of this gargantuan jungle...

duminică, 24 iunie 2012

Purification through damnation

Sunt la cheremul propriei vieti-
joc precum imi dicteaza astrii
si iubesc dupa framantarile pantecului.
Nu racnesc la cer decat in virtutea
sangelui clocotind,
iar peretii ma strang chiar si in mijlocul
Ia-ma de mana,te voi lasa sa ma conduci
pana la marginea Pamantului.
Saruta-mi sufletul,el va ingenunchea,
cerand indurare.
Ma doare orizontul rasturnat in mare,
ma striga corbii in nucleul imparatiei lor
din zgomot si taciuni.
O sa mor candva,o sa ma descompun,
tot ce sunt se va sfarama intre dintii
unor viermi avizi de viata.
Mi-e teama de maine,de acum,
simt in locul inimii o moara de vant
supusa unui uragan
ba divin,ba pagan.
Sunt la cheremul Universului infatuat-
vrea sa fie remarcat
si-si fabrica un public suficient de dezolat
cat sa-l urmeze
intru absurd.

sâmbătă, 23 iunie 2012

Savage sentiment

Pleoapele devin din ce in ce mai grele,alarma suna din ce in ce mai demonic.Refugiul imi ramane in cafea si poezie.Cuvantul zilei (de cateva saptamani) =multitasking.Nimic nu striga "maturitate" ca o dimineata petrecuta cu fratele mai mic in fata televizorului si descoperirea unei iubiri imposibile pentru Tarzan.Oare cat mai am de subliniat,rememorat si...panicat?Sunt "fata lu' tata",asta este clar!Astept ziua cand voi gasi o motivatie sincera si solida pentru tot.As purta un singur set de haine toata viata daca asta m-ar scapa de corvoada spalarii si "prelucrarii" atator metri de material.Mi-e greu sa citesc despre oameni care au vazut lumea,si-au tocit inima si au lasat in urma lor o viata eterna pe hartie.Norii adunati intr-un manunchi de furie ma fac sa ma simt ca la inceputul lumii.Ce bine ca plamanii se umplu si coboara din instinct!Noaptea s-a salbaticit,iar deznodamantul este tot ce mi-a mai ramas de descoperit din povestea aceasta...

vineri, 22 iunie 2012

Badass nerd

"Change will come."

Deci si prin urmare,aveti in fata dumneavoastra (virtuala) un sef de promotie.Bine,sefa mi se pare mai relevant,insa detaliile le lasam in seama artistilor etern nemultumiti si bunicutelor din fata portii.Dupa cum spuneam,astazi chiar am terminat liceul.Era si cazul,nu-i asa?
In stilul decernarilor glamour de peste ocean,am sa-mi prezint propria versiune a discursului de multumire.Ready or not,here we proceed to dramatic remembrances and a lot of self-centered appreciations!
In primul rand,vreau sa-mi exprim intreaga gratitudine fata de profesori si colegi.Mediul in care evoluezi iti marcheaza incontestabil pregatirea intelectuala,iar eu nu am avut de ce sa ma plang!Cu astfel de mentori si oameni determinati,spirituali,degajati in jur,era imposibil sa nu ma simt motivata,chiar inspirata!Teste,teme,ascultari,toate par acum invaluite intr-o ceata usor romantica,desi prezentul lor nu parea deloc asa!Dar nu se cadea fara ele-fiecare experienta ne invata cate ceva,fie ca vrem,fie ca nu.Si cum as fi putut eu sa-mi las "compatriotii" la ananghie cand era vorba de explicarea unui citat sau recuperarea unei lectii?Ca sefa de trib,dupa cum m-a caracterizat succint o draga prietena,n-as fi conceput o astfel de...grozavie!
In al doilea rand,trebuie apreciata la justa ei valoare contributia parintilor.Aceste suflete minunate,care muncesc necontenit si isi sacrifica propriile dorinte pentru a face dintr-o casa un camin adevarat.Daca in "tineretea mea zbuciumata" ii condamnam pentru "viziunea ingusta" si restrictiile de tot felul,acum realizez,nu fara o durere launtrica persistenta,curajul,perseverenta,nebunia sublima necesare cresterii unui copil.Apoi o inmultesc cu doi si multumesc providentei ca am avut,si nu doar in timpul liceului,ci de-a lungul intregii vieti,un acoperis deasupra capului,o masa calda zilnic si mereu o vorba buna in persoana celor care mi-au dat viata,mi-au asigurat accesul la o educatie solida si ma iubesc pentru simplul fapt ca exist (cel putin).
In al treilea rand,vreau sa-mi multumesc mie.V-am spus ca o sa devin egocentrica,acum stati si rabdati!Multitudinea proiectelor materializate in inima noptii,weekend-urile petrecute in fata nesfarsitelor eseuri,teama de a nu fi suficient de buna,grija pentru cele mai neinsemnate lucruri,toate au izvorat dintr-un impuls pana acum anonim.Cred ca i-am descoperit identitatea sub forma unui imperativ:eu vreau sa cunosc,eu vreau sa-mi demonstrez mie insami ca pot,eu vreau sa am un rost pe lumea asta!Si poate oricine va vrea sa ma strige "Tocilara!" pana i se usuca gura!Imi cunosc scopul si,spre deosebire el/ei,detin un dictionar.In plus,de cand au devenit istetimea si dezvoltarea personala ceva rau?
In concluzie,I'm a badass nerd.Si,pentru prima oara in foarte mult timp,sunt mandra de mine.

joi, 21 iunie 2012

Aquatic reverie

te-am visat in noaptea ce tocmai
a trecut!
erai toata o aura topaz
si-un vis lucid in rama
acestei reverii toride...
ploua pe rochia ta cu flori ca petele
de pe panza artistului frenetic
in rafale
de picuri grasuni si flori de tei
ne-aruncam impreuna in tumultul
strazilor cu asfalt ud,
cautand o dezlegare-n numere
pentru apasarea zilelor abia scrijelite
in calendar...
panouri maculate de lacrimile
cerului nelinistit
ne indicau locurile unde
nu trebuia sa pasim,
insa cum sa le poruncesti talpilor
sa renege pavajul sublim?
te-adoram si imi zambeai,
cerul era imbibat in lumina crepusculului,
iar dimineata m-a trezit fara mila
din aceasta minciuna perfect

Pentru T.

miercuri, 20 iunie 2012

Hell on Earth

Iadul s-a instalat pe Pamant si si-a pus in minte sa ne reduca pe toti la stadiul de cenusa dementa.Asfaltul isi agata magma neagra de talpile goale,aerul se prabuseste sub greutatea propriei uscaciuni,iar cerul s-a metamorfozat intr-o oglinda cu reflexii de foc portocaliu efervescent.Suvoiul apei nu poate sa mai atenueze desertul din trup,speranta noptii blande vine prea tarziu si prea diluata de valurile toride.Ce-am facut sa primim o soarta atat de ametitoare?Ne-am dorit prea tare mangaierea verii si am primit-o inmiit?M-au nenorocit ingerii incandescenti si ma arde sufletul...

Mi-e lene!Mi-e extraordinar de lene si asta o sa fie cat de curand in detrimentul meu!Prefer sa dau vina pe caldura cand imi scapa caietul din mana si motivatia de a reciti un comentariu se topeste in rana deschisa a soarelui.Stiu ca momentul adevarului se apropie cu pasi repezi,insa nu ma pot abtine si pace!Imi doresc o carte,o inghetata si-un colt de umbra!In schimb,trebuie sa caut o gura de aer proaspat si puterea de a-mi face datoria...Nici vorba sa ma plang,am tot ce-mi trebuie pe lume chiar aici si chiar acum!Doar ca rutina isi spune cuvantul,iar emotiile refuleaza deloc subtil...

De astazi inainte,eu imi tin gura!Se pare ca e singura solutie pentru o existenta cat de cat senina.Orice as face,nu-i suficient.Orice as gandi,copilarescul domina.Orice as spune,vocea mea nu conteaza.Asa ca ma resemnez intr-o abordare silentioasa.Nu din ranchiuna,nici din razbunare-cum ar putea afecta pe cineva lipsa mea de comunicare extinsa?Doar ca nu mai pot sa-mi rup bucati din suflet,fie ele cat de mici,si sa le impart celor carora le pasa mult prea putin...Asa ca sigilam buzele si lasam totul sa se adune in interiorul zidurilor cetatii.Fie ce-o fi,pecetea ramane!

marți, 19 iunie 2012

Emotionally draining skills

nerves pierce my skin
with their electrical branches
as my mind goes through a loop
of infinite circumstances;
everything is laced with overpowering
adrenaline and fright,
the senses become ecstatic!
the day is bright,voices are overlapping,
I'm in a corner with my sweaty palms
and a dramatic
to feel such a rush over nothing
is both overwhelming and bizarre-
the tentacles which dwell
in my body's shell
are tingling with a newly found
when the ride is over
and all has been said and done,
reality interferes-
led sinks through my thighs
and into my feet
like a ship falling into the abyss;
I am hollowed and numb,
but I have momentarily conquered
life's throne...

luni, 18 iunie 2012

Modern issues

How do I recover one year of laziness in one month?
Who would be willing to love me for exactly the person I am today?
When will I overcome my fear of everything?
Why do I even bother with so many things of little importance?
What am I doing with my life?
How does one manage to stay sane in the long run?
Who do I trust with my secrets and affection?
When will all this hard work pay off?
Why can't a day last longer sometimes?
What will I do with all this silence?
How do I part from my family?
Who would I be now without my brother?
When will the world be happy once again?
Why does it have to be so damn hot?
What would happen if time stood still?

Come to think of it,these aren't modern issues.They're just questions longing for a soul mate answer.

duminică, 17 iunie 2012

Broken arm

So my little brother broke his arm today.Nothing out of the ordinary,just plain-old football side effects.What surprised me the most out of this whole situation was my uber calm approach.No semi-heart attack,no tears,no wandering about like a giant squid of anger.Obviously,he behaved like a champ,bless his soul!But I wasn't even in shock or anything-for example,I was thinking about what model to draw on his cast and whatnot!What...the...actual...fuck?!
Anyway,I am beginning to think that I've lost it completely.All this (pretend) studying and summer heat must have gotten hold of my brain.They can keep it!It's not like I have my "maturity exam" in a couple of weeks...(also,if one more person calls this thing an event of utmost importance,I swear to God,I'll punch him/her in the...maturity!)
To top it all off,I was thankful for my being safe and sound because,let's face it,a temporary infirmity is just what I need right now!And the more I write,the more I understand that the only person who deserves a good smack in the senses is ME!
Who in their right mind would think in such an egotistical manner when faced with a not too pleasing event?My own persona...apparently!
I love my brother to the sky and back,I really do!These last few years have been a wake up call of massive proportions for me in which concerns family matters and the true importance of affection and care.More so,I understand now,while I'm standing on the brink of change,the actual value of time and its effects on the bonds that start with blood and end with the formation of an enclosed Universe.Needless to say,I'd jump in front of a train for my beloved ones!
In conclusion,I need a blanket.Because that's what people need when they're in posttraumatic denial. Because that's what I hope is happening to me.Because,otherwise,I find myself in need of a serious psychological analysis and some major soul-searching.And,though I'm not particularly looking forward to it,there's a whole month of double,if not triple,hard work ahead of me.This is life and it's unpredictable.
Live long and prosper!

sâmbătă, 16 iunie 2012

Alone on a Saturday evening

Asternuturi mototolite pana la refuz.Cafeaua contemplata in gradina adormita si racoroasa.Carti,caiete,foi,debandada,emotii progresive.Treburi marunte si insetate de timp.Pisici pline de energie si de povesti pentru viitor.Instinctul feminin mereu ascutit si mereu pregatit.Trandafiri,hibiscus,orhideea revitalizata.Dor de marea sacadata,de libertatea altor vremuri,de gandurile putin mai egoiste.Fuga de toropeala.Visine stacojii cu gust de viata.Oscilarea perpetua intre nepasare si panica.Ciocnirea nedefinita intre dorinta de a crea si cea de a distruge.Solitudine in doi.Ecoul surd al unei case golite.Dansul neintrerupt al farfuriilor.Pofta de a mai intoarce o pagina tiparita draga inimii.Viziunea unei vieti implinite.Dulceata de fructe si racoarea serii.Copii cu urechi pufoase si boticuri umede,copii neastamparati.O lume care emana posibilitati si creativitate.Soaptele virtuale ale unui prieten bun.O melodie care iti trimite fiori pe sira spinarii.Asteptarea chinuitoare.Reintregirea familiei.Vechile obiceiuri.Capsuni cu zahar.Senzatia de sfarseala.Multumiri cerescului.Noapte buna!

vineri, 15 iunie 2012

Wandering about

there is so much to see!
from the infinity of a soulless leaf
to the ceaseless torment
of an old city-
the life which I am surrounded by
becomes overwhelmingly delightful
with each new glance!
the chance to grow and thrive
follows the path
of every absent-minded stranger,
of every friend discovered
under the zealous sun,
of every shadow left behind
by your old shoes...
I greet my beloved ones
with open arms
under the moving cape of a formidable
the heat flows through our bodies
like sizzling charcoal,
but our lips stay cool
as our embodied thoughts soar...
the crowd!the chatter!the urban muse!
I become mystically confused
by this boisterous Cosmos
that hides behind every corner...

joi, 14 iunie 2012

Sour cherry lips

isi ingroapa degetele-n pamant cu setea
unui arbore fraged,
urmarind firul subteran al apei datatoare
de suflu si de cuget;
fiinta zamislita din taina trestiei
si duhul torturat al macului,
ea se-nalta,toata-un val,
unduiri de sarpe tragic;
vrei s-o cuprinzi cu bratele intregi,
insa iti scapa printre celule
substanta ei de carne rosie;
caci incearca s-atinga cu degetul incordat
oglinda cerului turcoaz
si sa sarute cu unghia
moarte in fibre,viata in soapte,
ea devine o minciuna sublima
a tangoului efemer-eternitate;
cand adevarul ii aluneca pe pometi
in sfere golite de culoare,
acesta se opreste peste pojghita visinei
se-acreste,se-nvarte,se metamorfozeaza
si se sparge
in toate aromele unei realitati
vara o hraneste si o pregateste
pentru binecuvantare...

miercuri, 13 iunie 2012

Sweat and study

It's hard to wake up early in the morning,so abruptly that even your sweetest dreams don't have time to blossom.
It's easy to water a flower or help a beloved one and receive a gift more precious than any amount of gold.
It's sad how some stories are never told,how some feet never find the right path,how some people never get noticed.
It's funny how my tears and laughs form a concoction of strings only my soul knows how to untangle as each day passes by.
It's troubling to see how many of our actions are fear and hatred driven.
It's amazing how a book can put things into perspective and light up a world of its own.
It's confusing to have to live more than one life in an existence.
It's enlightening to understand the way in which the world works,especially when you're trying to figure out your own unique mechanisms.
It's sunny,it's sweaty,it's study time...all the time!

marți, 12 iunie 2012

P-p-panic mode!

"Oh,c'mon,this is the easiest part of it all,I don't understand why you're being such a pain in the backside!"

"Nope.It's equally damaging and hellish.As a result,you will have to suffer accordingly.Well,we both have to.And,for your information,it's both our backsides.Yours is just more...metaphorical."

"Will you just shut up?The world is not going to end with this one exam!Gosh,you always embarrass me!"

"Like you're the one to talk!Believe me,darling,if people knew what was going on in that twisted little box of yours,my blushing and stomach cramps would be the least of our problems!"

"Oh,hush!It's not like you're helping or anything.Besides,that's not the point right now!We have to focus and get through this with all ships afloat!"

"About that...Would a full-blown panic attack suffice or do I have to pull out the big guns?"

"Don't push me..."

"Oh,I'd push you,alright!Out of me,that is!All that thinking and rambling and obsessing over stuff!Not healthy,man,not healthy!Not to mention the insane amount of coffee you use as an incentive for practically everything!I can do things on my own,you know..."

"You'd be nothing without me!Literally.Well,maybe compost,but that's a pretty lousy consolation,don't you think? I own you,buddy!"

"Wanna go into shut down mode and see who's right and who's wrong?"

"No,I just want this day to be over with and see the both of us intact at the end of it!Actually,I want this whole summer to be productive and fun at the same time,but that can't be achieved if we keep constantly fighting!"

"You're right...But you know I can't help myself!All those years of fear and shyness can't be thrown out the window just like that!Though I'm the one still showing the scars,it's you they belong to..."

"I know.I'm trying.We're trying.It's hard to become all grown up,isn't it?"

"It sure is..."

"Let's go kick some exam butt,shall we?"

"Already putting one foot in front of the other!"

Update: The day ended with smiles and success.They lived happily ever after until the next morning.

luni, 11 iunie 2012

Innocent disregard

I float upon a veil
that conceals all my frightening
why worry about tomorrow if today
is yet to unfold?
the things one does for one's soul!
to trade sensation for desperation
means forgetting about the present
and giving in to a sadistic temptation-
the cards have been made,
the sword still hangs by a string,
day follows night in this eternal chase;
I am but a leaf of the tree
that never stays young,never grows old-
why become my demon's prisoner
when the gates are merely smoky feathers?
sunny strokes grace the earth,
while birds pierce the sky
in search of new celestial peaks-
why can't I let my mind
grow wings and soar?
privileged curses bind me to the ground
and make this sweet perdition
why do I always question the things
which are already answers?

duminică, 10 iunie 2012

Stamp of approval

"Sunt un om liber!Sunt un om liber!".Glumesc!Dar nu glumesc.Doar ca ma incearca o emotie noua si inca ii caut forma adecvata.Da,astazi chiar am votat pentru prima data!
Ca sa fie totul clar:nu ma fascineaza politica si sper sa nu ma afecteze "microbul" acesta prea curand.Desigur,daca vrei sa-mi ingradesti drepturile sau sa-mi furi de sub nas (libertatea),atunci imi iau torta si ma supar.Nu ca nu s-ar fura in mod constant (totul),doar ca factorul "evident" ma racaie pe creier.Una peste alta,ne jucam frumos pana la regimurile totalitare(sau astfel de tendinte in granitele democratiei) si nesimtirea curata.Cateodata,parca prima parte e mai usor de combatut...din pacate!(?)
Acestea fiind spuse,am votat.Stampila,buletin de vot,urne,tot tacamul electoral.M-am ferit constant de culoarea unui partid specific si nu mi-am racit gura de pomana incercand sa apar "inaltele standarde morale si sociale" ale vreunui candidat.Alegerea mea de a vota a fost una in virtutea simbolului.Am facut asta pentru cei care nu au avut sau nu au nici acum sansa de a o face.Spun "sansa" deoarece "privilegiu" este o abordare total incorecta,iar "posibilitatea" are o rezonanta ambigua.
Pentru toate femeile care erau considerate de societate inca un obiect de schimb si doar o sursa de produs mostenitori,o entitate fara voce si fara ratiune.Pentru toti sclavii legati cu trupul ori spiritul de un univers obtuz,cei pusi pe aceeasi treapta cu un animal in termeni de putere de decizie.Pentru toti barbatii a caror avere nu insuma suficient spre a le putea oferi puterea unui "da" sau a unui "nu".Pentru toti cei care au fost sau continua sa fie sub conducerea unui conglomerat de minti oarbe si egoiste,fiind obligati sa-si piarda identitatea in favoarea uniformizarii utopice.Si pentru toti cei care,dintr-un motiv sau altul,nu-si pot declara optiunea unui reprezentant in lumea asta mare si ciudata.Pentru acestia mi-am facut datoria,in aceeasi masura in care mi-am facut datoria fata de mine.
Stiu ca suna extrem de pompos.La naiba,poate suna chiar stupid pentru unii!Si poate ca este cu adevarat aiurea,iar eu sunt doar o nebuna cu acte in regula!Dar nu-mi pasa!Asta simt,cred sincer si asta ma motiveaza sa actionez.Pana la urma,un sac se umple bob cu bob si pasivitatea nu-ti da in viitor dreptul la revolta.Oricat de banal ni se pare acum gestul,nu trebuie sa uitam ca au fost vremuri cand semnifica un concept abia trecut in categoria "vis",daca nu chiar "imposibilitate".Sper din tot sufletul sa nu fie nevoie de o pierdere ca sa apreciem cu adevarat ce avem...
Inainte sa revin la comentariile si hartile mele chinuitoare,mai vreau sa spun doar un lucru:ii rog pe cei care m-au auzit cantand in cabina de vot sa ma ierte!Este un efect secundar al stresului si al faptului ca playlist-ul din capul meu merge automat/permanent.
May the ink on your stamps be ever in your favor!

sâmbătă, 9 iunie 2012

To conquer a heart

"Everything is more beautiful because we're doomed."

The way in which a dress unravels a body.The faint scent of tobacco and cologne.How a pair of eyes can encompass an entire Universe between two shades of green.Heels tormenting the blistering pavement.A tie revealing the slender lines of the neck.White hands that handle flowers and laundry with the same tenderness.The way in which summer's light flows down a smooth jawline.The timid song that graces rosy lips in the afternoon.Palms with rugged skin to carry a bouquet of water lilies.Rain drawing free lines upon laughing shoulders.Shadows sliding between cheekbones.That peachy hint coming from behind an ornate earlobe.Conflicted eyebrows.Dancing feet in the moonlight.Careless fingers upon navy blue trench coats.Vines of black falling down on troubled temples.The melancholic tempo of a sinuous chest.The salty taste of a tense collarbone.How the spring winds play with braided mahogany.Snow dangling from thick and eager eyelashes.A hasted pace.A voice deeper than the sea.A soul exposed through sight,sound,smell,taste and touch.

To conquer a heart requires to first conquer the senses.

vineri, 8 iunie 2012

The right thing to do

Wake up early so you don't miss out on your life.
Brew a good cup of coffee.
Take a deep breath and let go of yesterday.
Treat time as you would a child: with care,love and appreciation.
Take responsibility for your actions and your mistakes.
Love without compromises.
Spend time with people that make you smile.
Help the ones you can with every given occasion.
Read a good book.
Enjoy all the small things that still make life worth living.
Don't judge what you cannot understand.
Tell someone who inspires you how truly amazing they are.
Be honest,be sympathetic,be yourself.
Apologize while you can for your wrongs.
Don't give advices you wouldn't follow yourself.
Accept that you have to do things you probably don't like in order to savor the ones you do.
Turn your personal growth into a permanent goal.
Cherish your family.
Make your story worth telling.

joi, 7 iunie 2012


I have a major issue going on and I'm currently freaking out...
You see,I have to study my ass off.But I don't want to be studying my ass off.I'd rather be spending my summer's prologue drinking coffee,listening to some fine music and playing with my almost one month kitties.Instead,I have to somehow convince my brain that Romanian Literature is extremely interesting,that History is the most fascinating thing in the world and that Geography rules...everything that is to be ruled.While I do enjoy a good session of "knowledge jamming",I don't particularly care for an unstable combination of panic,insecurity and future challenges.
What if I'm not good enough?What if I screw it up completely?What if I disappoint everyone I know and love?What if I get hit by a bus while crossing the street?! And so on and so forth.What bugs me the most is not that I'm a walking mess,but that it's not a constant thing.Actually,I would describe my current psychological state by comparing it to a roller coaster:one moment I'm up and confident,the next I'm plunging into complete despair.
I really want to pass my exams with flying colors.I really want to get into my college of choice.I really want to see the world and enjoy my life to the fullest.Meanwhile,I have to stop whining about everything,man up and open a book.Even if it's not my first choice.
Wish me luck!

miercuri, 6 iunie 2012

Water from above

Let it pour!Let it pour!Let it pour!
May this water form above
cleanse and heal and feed
our souls with the salvation we never received
from our barren prayers.
A drought can curse both a field and a man,
burning seeds of light and wisdom
right into the ground.
A storm may as well flood a house
as it can raise a man from perdition.
But a curtain of baptizing tears
has the power to reveal,rather than conceal-
does the ground not carry a fresher perfume after?
Does the sky not glisten with a new layer?
Does a body not grace the mind with hope
when faced with such primordial delights?
I beg of these liquid stars to show
the world a different image of happiness,
one where innocence and bliss do not damage
the kiss of crimson passion!
The window is now a mirror and its reflection says:
"Let it rain!Let it rain!Let it rain!"

"Every time you see them happy,you remember how sad they're going to be.And it breaks your heart.Because what's the point of being happy now if they're going to be sad later?The answer is,of course,because they are going to be sad later."
(Doctor Who)

marți, 5 iunie 2012

Tragedy unfolds

...it's the same sensation one gets after a punch in the stomach: a body dominated by nausea and pain,with a soul equally damaged as companion.Reality suddenly becomes a dream of demonic proportions and every movement is covered in a grayish haze.Why can't the clock go back just one second and erase it all?
It's not your burden,it's not your fate.Even so,you can't help but feel your whole entity being stabbed with tiny needles of fire-why do bad things happen to good people?Why here?Why now?Why?
I find myself cursing God with the same passion that fills my prayers.Maybe it has to do with the crippling effect of impotence when faced with life's challenges.Maybe I just can't understand why everything has to be so random and hurtful sometimes.Or maybe I'm just a biased hypocrite.All I know for sure is that fairness doesn't quite fit into the description of existence.
...and you try to close your eyes,your mind,your senses.You try to somehow numb yourself into oblivion.You try to pretend it never happened...and how wrong of you to act in such a sadistic way!Every new moment of ignorance brings one of recollection,one that makes this tragedy even brighter,even newer.Why do devilish acts always want to be noticed?
My empathy is definitely my curse and salvation.I am hollow and overflown with truth at the same time.But none of this matters now because a road has found its dead end.And I want to bang my head against a wall and scream and kneel and kiss the earth and whisper with swallowed fury to the ground:
"Why can't we all be happy for once?"

luni, 4 iunie 2012

Books and beasts

am demoni din cerneala sub palme
si panza cu stele diurne deasupra-
ce sa mai cer de la viata cand tava
de argint imi tine dimineata
si cafeaua,si teama?
imi caut salvarea prin revelatia celor ce
acum sunt atomi nestaviliti
in pergamente,in gradini,in plamani,
insa vointa isi pierde luciul gloriei
cand se-mpotmoleste-n noroi...
in loc de marmura,vreau ca sculptura
mea sa dainuie in spirit si in oameni-
nu am in degete harul,
dar simt pe buze cuvantul
si prin trup taria de a suporta purgatoriul!
dar pana la talpa piedestalului mai este
cale lunga,iar fruntea-i nici orizontul
n-o taie cu-o luminata dunga!
ma-nvart printre viermi si intelepciune
cu gust de sare pana la dezgroparea
adevarului nepatat-
imi garanteaza oare o pereche de maini murdare
viitorul unui pat curat?
am lumea neingradita la picioare
si pulsul sperantei in piept-
cu pagini si cu brute am sa razbesc...

duminică, 3 iunie 2012


the heat that's tearing up my skin appears to be
infinitely more ravenous between the teeth
of a gilded cage;
why was the weakest hunter blessed
with the gift of reason in speech?
does a sparrow not deserve the sky
because its tongue is merely a melody?
I cringe and wince at the sight
of a reality I almost always conceal:
the locks belong to the beast
and the master patiently waits to perish
behind six rows of tamed spears.
such laughter,such haste,a bargain
ready to be made at all times
with the soul of a teary-eyed creature
on the line!
my smiles and awe portray a rotten image
of misguided fascination:
one does not contemplate a spiritual massacre,
one acts by means of rebellion!
but how to silence the conclusion of everyday life?
how do I now tell my heart to forget
those prisons under the sun?
oblivion does not bury the truth
nor does it resurrect a lost past.

sâmbătă, 2 iunie 2012

Joyous June

Planuri pentru luna IUNIE:
  • sa nu stau nicio clipa locului
  • sa mananc visine si cirese pana nu-mi mai simt dintii
  • sa ma bucur din plin de prieteniile frumoase care mi-au fost scoase in cale
  • sa-mi beau in fiecare zi cafeaua sub soarele melancolic
  • sa cresc odata cu pisoiasii fara astampar
  • sa nu-mi pierd speranta
  • sa ascult muzica plina de suflet
  • sa-mi apreciez mai mult minunata familie
  • sa fac tot ce-mi sta in putinta pentru a netezi calea viitorului
  • sa citesc macar o carte
  • sa fiu mai atenta la sfaturile naturii
  • sa traiesc fiecare zi in parte cu respectul cuvenit si cu pasiunea aferenta
  • sa dansez mai mult
  • sa invat un lucru nou de cate ori se iveste ocazia
  • sa nu-mi mai fie frica de standardele societatii
  • sa iubesc,sa iubesc,sa iubesc

vineri, 1 iunie 2012

A child no more

C'est fini! Nu pot sa cred ca a trecut timpul si refuz sa arunc ancora.Refuz sa scufund in mine un vas facut din patru ani de viata noua si clipe la fel de rare ca perlele oceanului.Unde au fugit orele si de unde am plecat?Mi-e greu,mi-e foarte greu,mi-e greu sa spun cu adevarat "Gata!".
Am inceput liceul pe ploaie,pe ploaie l-am terminat!Si nu pot decat sa ma minunez si sa constat ca toate au avut soarta unui cerc:au pornit,au calatorit,s-au incheiat.Diferenta este ca povestea noastra s-a maturizat la fel de suav ca vinul bun,fiecare ceas petrecut impreuna adaugand o nota noua parfumului armonizat.
Suntem oameni si asta spune totul!Prin urmare,am avut momente cand abandonul si aruncarea tuturor proviziilor peste bord sunau mai bine decat insasi chemarea unei sirene.Dar ne-am invatat de fiecare data lectia si,la nevoie,am schimbat directia.
Iar capitani iscusiti am avut cu zecile!Fiecare si-a pus in joc experienta si priceperea,rezultatul voiajului fiind unul de necontestat!Desigur,echipajul n-a rezistat uneori tentatiei de a porni o rascoala-la o adica,noi nu trebuie sa ne distram cumva?Insa cel mai de seama lider a fost alaturi de noi inca din primul ceas,pe ape tulburi sau in zile senine,in vreme de prosperitate si pe timp de furtuna!Sub faimosul nume de "Diriga",ne-a fost parinte in mijlocul marii si ghid bland cand ni s-a stricat busola sufleteasca.Nu pot decat sa-i spun "Multumesc!" pentru comorile pe care m-a ajutat sa le descopar si pentru faptul ca face parte din viata mea.Captain,this one's for you!
Am ales sa imbrac legenda noastra,a "nelegiuitilor" cu E in frunte,intr-un strat usor comic,insa aceasta metoda de conservare a amintirilor risca sa dea gres:nu mi-a zis nimeni ca exista apa mai sarata decat cea a marii!De stiam,imi salvam lacrimile in batiste si le faceam vele emotionale!Cata istorie!Cate prietenii! Cate lectii din cerneala si de pretuit!
Pot sa spun cu mana pe inima mea arsa de soare ca am avut parte de colegi minunati,unici,cat zece stele de mare fiecare!Nu o sa-i laud excesiv,nici n-o sa-i ridic pe un piedestal.Ii iubesc tocmai pentru ca au fost oameni reali,sinceri,cu bune si rele,o familie eterogena ce a muncit sa-si construiasca un camin intr-un mediu potential ostil.Cu chiul sau ore de psihologie dormite pe caiet,cu lucrari "vajnice" la istorie ori traduceri putin probabile la latina,cu "filosofeli" religioase sau drame literare,am fost una,am fost o clasa.Un loc placut,un sprijin la nevoie,o binecuvantare de care nici macar nu speram sa am parte.Guys,it's been a pleasure and an honor to share this adventure with you!
Am plans astazi cat pentru mult timp si m-am despartit de niste oameni geniali.Nu sunt trista ca s-a terminat,ci recunoscatoare pe deplin ca s-a intamplat.Le urez tot succesul din lume camarazilor mei anglofili si sper sa ne intalnim cat de curand la o sticla de rom si-o barfa.
Incepand cu acest 1 iunie,eu nu mai sunt copil.Nu mai sunt nici eleva.In mod cert,de astazi sunt...pirat!