luni, 18 martie 2013

Where I belong

Do you ever feel like you just don't belong?Like your bones are supposed to be somewhere else,that your thoughts are borrowed,that something is just so damn wrong?
My throat is killing me,a rose adorned with thorns silently burying itself into the core of my being.My soles are on fire and itching from an unknown and burning desire.My flesh has lost its reason.
How do I fit in?How do I convince myself I fit in?How do I make an impersonal space swallow me up and make me its own?Too many questions for one particularly lazy afternoon...
Maybe I caught a cold,maybe my ghouls are having a party upstairs,I really don't know.All I know is that I'm aching and breaking and losing the little hope I never truly had.I can't even cry!For God's sake...How can you be torn between wanting it all and not wanting anything at all?How could there be no middle ground?
I feel like running.Swimming.Breathing properly.I wish I could wallow in my self-imposed and mostly imaginary misery in a more familiar place.That's why I can't cry...
Call me a child,but I need it,I need this world in order to keep my world afloat...Oh,if only these pillows would swallow me up already!I feel like a silly child in the midst of a full tantrum!
I need nature,I need rain,I need...something.
Will I ever feel like I belong?

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