It's a bloody curse,no more,no less.There's no other logical explanation.I mean,how would you otherwise account for the fact that I can never make any sort of plans?
If I want to go somewhere,something inevitably comes up or I get "people fright" or whatever.If I want to write,then the walls seem to be caving in and a sudden urge to hide under the bed overwhelms me.If I want to watch a movie,the TV turns all fuzzy or we have relatives coming over.My "carpe diem" is really fucked up,man.
People say I'm crazy for thinking this way,but I think it's just rather sad and a little tragic.I mean,I even chose where to go to high school at the last moment.Same goes for college.What's next?Don't answer that.
I am literally afraid to plan ahead because I always get this gut feeling it's all going to go to Hell.Why even bother then?
And,in all honesty,it's frustrating when others laugh,but I really do feel powerless.And it's not only about the small things...
I'm not good at "living the moment",but I seem to be forced into this truce by an invisible force.So I can't promise anything-ever.
Yep,not a plan in sight for me.Which is basically...awful.