vineri, 11 aprilie 2014

Stupid decisions

Everybody makes them.Some more than others.I,for one,seem prone to acting suicidal most of the time,even though I don't (always) mean it.
Today was my second day of almost not eating anything from dusk till dawn,of spending countless (and pointless) hours attending draining courses,of punishing myself for God knows what mistake.
I mean,was it really necessary to go out in the cold after jumping out of a scalding shower?(my back doesn't seem to take kindly to my reckless goals nowadays either)
And did I actually presume I would get to enjoy a nice night out watching a play?Of course we didn't know where the place was,why presume such a marvelous feat...Not to mention-but I really can't mention that,though.
Fact of the matter is that I don't love myself to even care anymore,apparently.Otherwise,why would I torture my body and torment my mind in such ways?They're mundane,I can see that,but that's what makes it all terrifying -I feel at such a loss that I'll probably (an intentionally!) forget to drink a glass of water while it's pouring outside...
I need to dry my clothes and go to sleep-maybe my nightmares will take pity on me...

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