miercuri, 29 mai 2013

Churning core

My response system is apparently shattered-I don't know how else to explain this behavior which seems more cinematic than real to me right now.
I weep when I'm praised.I get mad when I'm confronted.I get drowsy when nightmares make their siren's call.
To not know what my next reaction will be is a source of great despair to me nowadays,since I don't particularly want to become a spectator in the first line of my own life.
Why is my brain so upside-down?Why is my heart just black and white?Why is my body like a shore in the midst of a hurricane?I'd like to have an answer for all these questions,but all I'm left with is sand in my mouth and sea water on my cheeks.
I want to love.Be loved.Be happy.Smile and hug and breathe with both my lungs at the same time.But I can't.I can't because there's something wrong with me and I don't know what.
Until I can find the root of my plague,I'm left with a longing soul and a churning core.

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