joi, 29 noiembrie 2012

No more.

I'm thinking about giving up.Seriously.I mean,what's the point to it all?Exactly!There is no point,there is no motivation whatsoever.Why continue here,why carry on with this when I can't find a logical and,more importantly,passionate goal?A waste of money,time and youth,if you ask me.A huge and foolish waste...
I don't know how much more I can hold on.I'm breeding hatred and panic and disgust,vicious emotions reflected in an aching body.What will I do with my life after three,seven,ten years?Huh?Something I now dislike with my entire being?No,I don't want to be that person.That statistic.That five o'clock suicide news.
But what to do?What to fucking do?Lie?Cheat?Drink until I can feel no more?!I don't like it,I don't like it,my God,I despise everything about it at this moment!
Truth be told,I signed my own sentence.I wanted this city,this college,this life."Be careful what you wish for" much?Even so,it's equally relevant that I wouldn't have chosen other ones,similar or not.Not belonging never seemed so wickedly damaging.And personal.And self-inflicted.Son of a...
Anxiety.My actions,my thoughts,everything simply drenched in this one harmless word.I'm becoming more and more aware of the fact that life means death-mine,yours,the world's...Jesus Christ,why?!Why do I even try?My heart...My poor,poor heart,owned by a crippled mind...
I wish this train would only go home and not vice versa.Resume my "boring" life and be happy once again.Serene.Untroubled.You know how I feel now?Haunted.Chased.On the verge of diving from the top of a cliff into nothingness.My brains would look so beautiful sprawled across a white wall...
I'm going home,to my family,my cats,my room,"Cinderella",coffee and undiluted personality.Maybe it'll help clear my head,get a new (and,hopefully,brighter) perspective on life.I need to,otherwise...
I could weep my soul away right now,not knowing whether it would be due to sorrow or joy...
Blue car,take me where I belong!Make it better.Save me from myself...

4 comentarii:

Tibi spunea...

No one can save you from yourself but yourself...

Adriana spunea...

I know that.But,sometimes,I don't want to be saved at all...

Tibi spunea...

Why not?

Adriana spunea...

...maybe because it's all in vain?