I give up.You win!You win,rain!You win,aching limbs!You win,shallow conversations and insecure eyes!You win,everything!I am done.So done.So motherfucking done.
Some of you may think that I've gone nuts by now.You are probably right.No,really,that's it!Kudos for you!Here,have an imaginary cookie.
...but seriously,though.How do you expect me to be "fine" when everything around me seems to be alike a raging copy of personal Hell?Time has no substance anymore.I hate my alarm clock with a burning passion.If I eat,I feel horrible;if I don't eat,I run the risk of fainting and...and being eaten by pigeons,let's say.The amount of "school work" I have to do is equally opposite to my will and determination.I have moments when I can't even breathe properly.This inopportune rain is literally killing me and my clothes couldn't be more wet and cold.People are starting to annoy me to the point of closed eyes and prayers.I'm growing mean and sad and lonely.I don't like myself anymore.
"One more day"-this is how I get past the devils in my head.One baby step at a time.One lie per hour.I'm such a fool,but there's no other way.Not for me there isn't,anyway.Art isn't comforting anymore and my mind's dissolving like a fragile shore.Trust me,this isn't a lament.This is the real deal.This is me actually confessing a hurtful state of being.This is horrible.
I miss the way I used to be.Naive.Happy.Beautifully lost in books and tea and surreal representations of the world.Incredibly oblivious and hopelessly in love with the miracle of human life.Anchored to a simple,plain,ideal existence.Protected by a familiar shield.Self-sufficient.How did I lose all that?Why?Where?
Maybe I'm not crazy...yet.At least,I hope I'm not.I need sleep.And some encouragement.
Salvation would be nice.