I am so tired...Tired to the point of lying on the ground and never getting up again.Tired to the point of temporary insanity,tired to the point of tears.My back is killing me,my eyes don't want to read another word,my body can't seem to keep up with my desires.And yet I fail to be noticed by a friendly voice.Not a particular one,just a glimpse of support to get me through the day.If my own flesh and blood won't acknowledge my efforts,then who should I turn to?
I'm trying my best here...I study from the moment I get up (which is pretty early in the morning for this time of the year) to when my head starts pounding like a million drums (let's say,late evening).I take care of my devilish cats and do what is to be done around the house.I help my brother and his (still) broken arm cope with the demands of everyday life.I do whatever it is asked of me,whether I like it or not,and never complain.I rarely talk back because I've learned (the hard way) that some words can't be redeemed.I keep my pains to myself,as I do with my joys.I now live by the imperatives of an inertial existence that allows me and the ones around me to make order out of chaos.But when is that ever enough?
Do I know that these things have to be done no matter what?Yes.Do I always feel comfortable with this mundane martyrdom?Probably.Am I now at peace with the fact that my efforts are being taken for granted?No.
I don't want a freakin' statue in the middle of the town square or a ceremony of gargantuan proportions to mark my pathetic struggles of household nuances.A simple "Thank you!" and an occasional hug would more than suffice.I also don't want hypocrisy and self-adoration and my actions being "graced" with curses brought back straight from the heart of Medieval loathing.World,world,world,why do you have to be such a child sometimes?
Everybody wants to first be noticed,then loved.And,though we are the center of our own unique Universe,we still want to claim the nucleus of at least another soul's perception.Here's where our intoxicated hopes fail to use reason:how do you make a person notice you when they also want to be noticed?Maybe I don't know how to choose the right words to express my idea and maybe my fingers are growing numb,but,my God,aren't we little egotistical brats!I personally blame it all on the movies which foreshadow a happy ending withing the first 10 minutes.I mean,who still believes in Prince Charming and a true reward,be it material or spiritual,for all the crap they go through in life?
"Lead by example"-that's one Hell of a good motto right here!So I'm going to let my tears wash away all this sorrow and start again.The Cosmos isn't going to stop and pity me,so I shouldn't either.Everything could be worse and love should be a medicine,not a weapon.That being said,I return to my shell,my stubborn silence and puffy cheeks.
In the end,I remain my true and sole best friend.