miercuri, 17 octombrie 2012

Heartache and roses

I slept through a troubled war going on in my head,defenseless and damned to wake up even more tired than I went to bed.
I was in my local supermarket,you know,buying stuff that students usually need (like candy and instant soup and fruit juice).The radio then started playing "Northern Downpour" by Panic! at the Disco.I swear to you,the urge to cry filled me like a thousand oceans and only God knows how I escaped with a dry face.Still,my soul remained damaged and heavy.
I read way too many pages at a time and understood way too little: is this my mind now?A useless sponge?A soft brick?A damned friend?I'm scared.
I wandered through now known spaces,fighting the urge to run back and kneeling in front of my broken dignity.
I held on to my rosy cardigan like a drowning man to a buoy and hoped someone would notice change.
I watched the hours pass by,clutching to shreds of recognition and wishing my savior would come already.
I let the wind pass through me in the middle of a very busy street and in the midst of a soul crisis.
I let go of "never would I ever" and lied everything is alright.
I ate a sickening soup (yes,that soup!) and wished I could literally cry my heart out.
I asked myself "Why?" a thousand times and "Because..." couldn't come up with a valid answer-there was a sane one,but not enough to be worthwhile.
I hoped for the best and let go of the rest.
I sinked into my bed with masked relief,not knowing whether to be grateful or uneasy.
I had a rough day.

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