luni, 21 octombrie 2013

Blissfully incompetent

When I realize how utterly incomplete and incompetent I am,I can't help but smile.
I mean,I always try so hard to do everything right and I always end up as this blurred picture that can't quite encompass all there is to.At some point or another,it becomes frustrating beyond the point of real tears.
Worst part?The ones I love and who love me back live with this fantasy that I'm so goddamn perfect...I can't and I know I won't live up to that.Still,the facade doesn't break and I keep molding this enormous lie over and over and over again.
I'm way past personal sorrow and existential grief-yes,I'm blissfully embracing the fact that "life sucks and then you die".
Except that I'm actually constantly freaking out about anything and everything-but it's much more easier to hide it all behind a cheerful expression,don't you reckon?
This is all a really weird time for me,like I've suddenly forgotten how to add up two and two.My next steps are a mixture of uncertainty and fear,my brain is a cabbage field and my hope is nothing but a four letter word.This is getting too repetitive and too silly too quickly.
And I know I shouldn't be the first to kick myself in the backside,but I can't help it.It doesn't matter,though-others are also standing in line,consciously or not.
Well,I guess I'm stuck with my dumb smile now.

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