miercuri, 23 octombrie 2013

"My God,do I cry..."

I think I might have to see a psychologist soon.I'm slowly drowning in questions and answers which multiply at a rate beyond my comfortable control.The cold war inside my head is heating up and,ironically,I'm an ally to both parties.
Tonight,a dear friend made me cry.No,we didn't quarrel-she had the best of intentions,but that doesn't mean they necessarily stirred the same thoughts in me.
Right now,I feel like all my emotions have turned into stale vegetables.God,it's so hard to explain!I wish I knew more words...
How do you react when somebody tells you that you matter and that statement hits you like a ton of bricks?How do you go from "dead weight" to actual "being"?How do you cope with the realization that all your thoughts of altruism are pure and utter bullshit and that you only help others because you're practically begging for a morsel of love each time you breathe?How do you fucking deal with the fact that by sacrificing yourself to save others you only end up hurting them?And how do you make sense out of all of this?
Can you hear me breaking apart?'Cause I can.I can hear the shackles inside my body rattling like bells and all the logic draining from my existence with every passing moment.I'm a bad person,but I don't have the strength to become a good one.
I need sleep now...

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