Do you ever feel like there is an elephant perched on top of your chest?Like your lungs have developed a consciousness all too stubborn to cooperate?Like you don't quite know the exact definition of a panic attack,but you're fairly certain you're experiencing one as you speak?Yeah,I thought so...
It's extremely frustrating to have a good day and then have it blown to pieces by a creeping emotion with hard edges.That's why I can't ever enjoy the present: because I'm too involved in the future to even notice it.
Why can't I live today just for the sake of today?Relax,unwind,say "To Hell with it!"and put things into perspective?
"Stupid" seems too harsh-I have my reasons,though-but no other word comes into mind first.
If I could see myself through another's eyes for only a moment,maybe then I'd consider things differently.Until that happens,I'll have to settle for a salty pillowcase and an atomic bomb heart.
Usually,times like this teach people how to become bigger and better.Me?I'm stuck.That's it,I'm stuck in the middle of a piece of nothingness I created for myself the moment I asked my first question:"Why?".
How do others do it?Is it in their blood or are they merely better at holding up a facade?I wish I knew their secret.
Right now,I'm holding on to every shred of reality in order to carry on.