Everything I hold dear I feel must be kept hidden.
Whether we're talking about a pair of old earrings or a precious memory,it seems like the shadows act like a protective cocoon.I even keep my femininity to myself,for fear of it not being tainted by the world outside.I'll keep my lace close to the skin and my desires sealed with a coy smile,that's the only way I know how to be.
What will become of me?What if nobody will ever take the time to search for me beneath so many layers of nothingness?Will I be enough for myself?Most certainly not.But it doesn't matter.I know it doesn't matter,I'm just being silly.I'm acting like this was all a movie,not real life...
When I was little,I hid a pack of gummy bears in the closet because I didn't want to eat them.This diary,though made public by choice,is often shadowed by books or papers of all sorts,as not to reveal itself to particular eyes.My thoughts,my lusts,my handful of aspirations,everything I am at core and everything I value about myself,everything must be kept hidden.I can't risk making a parade out of something that has a lock and key inside this heart of mine.
Am I losing some part of the world by acting this way?Most definitely.Do I care?Not so much,no.
For now,I'll just stick to my lace and everlasting inner monologue and the smothered hope that,some day,the shell will crumble...for good.