vineri, 8 noiembrie 2013

One small spark

"What a good day!"-that's what I've been tempted to say all afternoon,but even then I knew how the mere thought of this could make it backfire immensely.And it did.Oh,how it did...
My bucketful of happiness,scraped and scratched from here and there,is inevitably gathered in retrospective,otherwise it becomes jinxed.That's sad,I think,to be happy only using the past tense...
I played my part,I "earned my stripes",I begged my bursting temples to hold on for just one more day.I got on a train,I welcomed my home,I settled in for a night of unconstrained comfort.I found old demons,I got into a war,I bled my love and lost it.
It's heartbreaking to realize that the people you care about the most don't care about you equally.Or,at least,they don't know how to show it.Or are so swallowed up by the cruel world around them that they're too afraid to unshackle their souls.It's a real pang in the chest,closer to death than to grief.And,no matter how much I cry,the bitterness won't stop chewing on my organs and soul.
Life's absurd.My life is absurd.I'm merely counting time until the end,clinging to ghosts I've crafted instead of flawed people,wishing it would stop so I wouldn't have to.
Yes,it's been a good day in more ways than one.But all it took was one small spark to make it all burn,turn ablaze,smother everything.
I'm choking on ashes.

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