Gifts from the rain

It's that time of the year again,
when everything moves as if
life were a ferris wheel-
up and down,down and up again,
what a journey to cherish,
what a story to tell!
I bring my fleeting contribution
in gifts of paper and sand,
for I know no better way of saying
my heart's monologue
than through passing bits
of our eternal novel.
The oncoming storm foreshadows
a time not yet born,but equally alive
in sound and in image-
but why worry before the first drop?
Now is reality's mark and
now is waging a war
with the speed of light!
Give me joy and give me sorrow,
I know their ways too well-
I've danced as a queen and
wept like a servant
in the same castle for decades!
It's that time of the year again,
when I'd rather grace somebody else's eyes
with a little glimpse of Paradise.

Scrapbook head

This is how I want to remember us:
human buildings that rise from dust
and clash with the stars on their way
to the Universe's arch!
We are so fresh,so hungry,
so beautifully deranged
that not even Revelation
could drag us back down into piety!
How vain to think we're tragically unique!
But how delicious and empowering...
It's worth the struggle,the constant hassle
with uncertainty,it truly is!
For what would we be today
if it hadn't been for a rebellion
to make this marriage last?
Though winds murder foundations
and crush the unprepared and loving,
our roots will never fade away
from our memories:
our breaths,our food,our shelter
and our hearts were once woven
with inexplicable delight
into the same basket;
it's there we left our pride
and found a gracious empathy!
This is how I want to remember us:
together,free,loud and forever.

Last signatures

It's all coming to an end now!
Last tender echoes of the wooden benches.
Last gasps that come from an abstract number's will.
Even the last unrequited riot of a blinded soul.
How will I miss my dear burden!
"Expect the worst,hope for the best"-that's what I used to say to myself all the time.Well,I still do,but there are things in life that occasionally make me want to change my creed to something much more...serene.
Oh,the last drums,the last bells,the last smiles that swoosh through the morning air!
Last quarrels over autumn's leaves.
Last signatures upon the image of the present,a sight left to be seen in an older and wiser future.
The very last time to cherish the view properly!
I know a song that says: "High school never ends".Maybe it's true,maybe it's tragic,maybe it's melancholy's touch.Nevertheless,there's wisdom in every lie and mischief in every confession.
Last day to curse this hidden blessing.

Clocks on crack

...could someone just tell me why?

I'm not going to talk about the indefinite pain that flows through my body like an angry river.I'm not going to mention the resurrection of my hellish nightmares.I'm even ignoring the fact that I'm scared out of my wits by the following months and their outcome.But why in the name of all that's holy is my sleeping routine so fucked up?!

Yeah,at first glance it all looks contradicting and shit,but I know what I'm saying,trust me!

I can cope with stress and anxiety-in my own way,that is.I'll get a headache or two,some crippling examples of stomach pain and an imaginary skin irritation to top it all off,but that's just my mind behaving like a prick through my body.Been there,done that!

And the fact that every possible horror movie scenario has taken place in my brain throughout who knows how many nights now is no secret anymore.If you get past the immediate shock mixed with disdain,it can even become repetitive and boring!Well,no...but it's worth a try once in a while!You know,hiding behind a beautiful lie.

Let us not forget my old frenemy,the future! I've been getting this sickening feeling about what comes next since I can remember,so nothing new under the sun here!It's just that kinda everybody my age and "condition" is now running around like a headless chicken-the negative energy was bound to get to me eventually!

Alas,I'm screwed!I know I sound a child,but I really,really,REALLY hate having to wake up and ask what century it is!The sensation is that of a homeless soul and a hollow body-who would desire such a faith?

Maybe a cup of coffee and some toast will get me on the right track.After all,life goes on and I surely don't want to get left behind!Stupid clocks on crack... 

Moody me!

Things I really don't like about myself...
I always waste my Sunday morning.
I rely on coffee to kick-start my positive thinking.
I never write what I really feel because I lack the words to do so.
I start about 300 books at a time and finish none whatsoever.
I shift from laughing to crying and vice-versa with frightening ease.
I take the blame for things that were once out of my control.
I daydream about impossible and irrelevant scenarios.
I make promises when I'm happy.
I don't dance like I used to.
I haven't got a clue what to do with my life next.
I am too fond of summer's melancholy.
I never take care of things when I'm supposed to because,apparently,3:30 in the morning is so much more appropriate for such serious and deep thoughts.
I can't come to terms with my imperfections.

Mellow mood

Things that should totally be accepted as normal by society with regard to the day known formally as "Saturday":

• ignoring your perfectly reasonable alarm clock and oversleeping (let's say,until about 11:30 a.m.-ish )
• staying in your pj's for as long as your coffee cup lasts (aka foreva' and eva')
• playing with adorable kitties because they are the best thing since electricity and Elvis
• listening to sad music while cursing the goddamn rain
• writing poetry and stuff
• watching every movie made by man (because why not? )
• using silly pictures to put together silly things that will end up making you and your silly friends laugh
• partying with the entire continent via TV
• accepting that you are one sad and lazy cookie and that you're just fine with that.

Testifying banquet

tot raul spre bine,
toata energia cate creatie-
s-au materializat zile in cinci minute de glorie,
avand umbra noptilor in spate!
o,nefericite sperante si maini dibace,
nu va stiti voi deja deznodamantul
acoperit cu funingine si bronz?
sunt chinuri desarte,soarele le-a vazut
din fasa pana la brad,
insa eu nu ma aseman astrului capricios!
imi imbat simturile impotriva vointei lor,
maritand rosul ruginii cu parfumul
zorilor topaz-
mi se leagana prin suflet amintiri
pe care abia mai tarziu am sa le vreau...
rochia cere sunet,talpile spun "pas!"
si se-armonizeaza cu dorinta
ochilor incarcati:
daca ar avea de ales,nici ciulinul
nu s-ar amesteca
printre crini si azalee...
am asistat in pasi mintali de dans
la un deja vu dionisiac-
ma pronunt:regretele au ramas in scrumiera,
dar adevarul ma roade
ca o batatura...

Almost there...

...because every time I want to give up
on this trial given to me as life
there comes a touch of light
to save the entire kingdom:

a pair of lips,
a past letter,
maybe the remembrance of rain,
an old friend
or a familiar road-
it all comes like a flood
of organic prayers and hope
into the valley of my soul...

I cannot be bitter,
I cannot mourn my own fate-
it would be like
picking a fight with the gods;
and who am I to say that gold
is more precious than a fleeting
passion?

my bones ache
and my mind deceives me;
though I am far from gaining
absolution,the present
offers such a compelling
defense!

...because commending every hour
given to me
is better than floating
through the void
of ingratitude and disbelief!

Do you remember?

I can't believe we've come full circle!
The same song that woke me up all these mornings.
The jokes and whispered answers.
The photographs.
The news and shared gossip.
The shy smiles.
The numbers and the beating hearts that come along with them.
The almost empty school bags.
The gray gates of academic freedom.
The papers in need of our pen's touch to become real.
The adorable cats and the fulfilling music.
The crimson nails.
The smell of coffee and wooden floors.
The never-ending struggle to achieve something worthy of your effort.
The ruby red hair dye.
The feeling of crumbling bones at the end of the day.

After all that has been said and done,it still seems it was yesterday that I set foot on this new ground.Am I to leave it already?

Counting hours and papers

This novel is slowly writing its own ending.Imperfections are not to be revised-what would life be without a few scars? Characters are to have a final moment of glory,but only as closure in this book.Who knows?Maybe their journey will be drawn upon a million more pages.Or maybe just a single sheet.One cannot know with the precision of a full stop the events of tomorrow.Either way,our shared story has been full of both comedy and drama,smiles and tears,bonding and separation.No matter what,we'll still have four years of common fears and common triumphs which nothing can take away.Not even fire,not even a bad memory.For we remain in each other's hearts as scribbles upon old trees-higher and weary with time,but nevertheless bright in the eyes of their carver.

My entertainment consists of frail contraptions and distant creatures.Should I worry for my volatile soul or embrace its ability to enjoy the Universe as a whole?This answer I cannot fully conjure.Today a dove,the following a crow-my heart,my beloved heart,why do you settle with so little in this world?Or...is it too much you are burdened with?A pair of wings can release a being.But what happens when they are torn?

Though my ears prepare a riot once in a while,music shall remain my dearest comfort when reality becomes too much.

Tender perception

my skin rejects a well-know touch
for fear of an eluding sight
that seems to grow from spring to fall
like moths upon the hollow
night.

cursed day and cursed hour,
why should I carry the poisonous flower
upon my barren chest?
am I the forgotten victim
or the pleasant executioner?
perish sound and blind all colors,
this is what the world deserves for being
so abruptly shallow!

vain is life and her damned lovers
twirl around an icy fire
that exhales solely nightmares
in the shape of redemption's
vapors.

my body fears affection and hope
because all past saviors have left
scars with their slender fingers
and nails of scented
rust.

come the end and come revelation,
I'll be here forever,
whether in sand or in paper.

The obligation to succeed

I do so many things not because I want to,but because I need to.
I need to justify myself in front of the free world.
I need to repay my mother for all those sleepless nights I put her through.
I need to make my father proud of all the days he spent working his soul out.
I need to show my grandparents that their struggles to offer me a better life were not in vain.
I need to be the friend I never had for my brother.
I need to prove to my dear ones that I deserve their affection.
I need to somehow thank all the strangers that made me wiser,stronger,smarter.
I need to attest my contribution,whether by hand or heart, when facing nature's blessing.
I need to silence my chaotic mind,if only for just a little bit.
I need to transform time into a reliable friend.
I need to make good use of everything my ancestors did not have as luxury and aid.
I need to understand what I want and what I really need.
I need to love myself more.
I do so many things not because I need to,but because I really want to.

Saturday puzzle

The simple things in life deceive me

into thinking they're my all:

salvation in a cup of tea,

happiness from a distant smile,

creation dwelling in an old pen.

But this lie has slowly become

a truth of undeniable ground-

for what am I without

my love of the ephemeral?

I live through roses,pages,strangers

and long forgotten stars,

nuances of the sky,stray beings

and man-made miracles.

There's a distinct chamber of my heart

that feasts upon not blood,

but pieces of the past-

what is more certain than

the tattoo of time itself?

Though many pieces don't fit this puzzle

anymore,I don't fear darkness

or my own oblivion-

rather than a single sheet,

my soul has turned into a book

of endorphins and sorrow,

all mixed up into the conception

of my imperfect revelation.

Recognition in an orange envelope

Nostalgia imbraca pana si clipele abia conturate,
abia scoase de sub mantia frigului matinal,
abia descatusate din cusaturile unei haine rosii.

Pasii se strang in manunchiuri cu aspect de cursa,
anticipand zile fara serenitate si fara capatai-
daca acum tresar la intalnirea pecetii lor,
cine va castiga lupta in ceasul adevarului?

Peisajul este intinat si parfumul sau emana calcar,
teama si sentimente imbacsite;nici uitarea,
nici micile doze de placere nu pot salva
un suflet lasat prada urmarilor incerte.

Universul isi leapada acoperamantul constant
si asta ma bucura: straturile sale interminabile
imi justifica prezenta unor dimensiuni
spatiale si emotionale pana de curand ignorate.

Totul se misca intr-un ritm naucitor,
iar eu nu sunt inca pregatita pentru furtuna:
orice ar fi,pamantul imi va ramane sprijin
cert,nu un subred leagan.

Fie rasarit,fie asfintit,
inima mea va ramane intr-un binecuvantat
crepuscul.

Handsome burden

the present reminds me of the past
in such a way that I wish
to cry my happiness away
in streams of undiluted pain
and exaltation;
life's allure binds me to myself
and my weaknesses,
my love for perdition and grace,
temptation and lies,
unrequited dreams and fears-
am I truly made of a fabric
more fitting for a deceased
than a king?
release me,fleeting passion,
impotence of the blood and
drug for the mind!
no more elegance,
no more divine contortions of the soul,
no more adoration!
I shall dwell in the heart of decrepitude,
feast upon cadavers
that leave my everything numb!
no more palpitations!
no more trembling arms!
no more lust!
solely platitude and naked eyes.
I am the master of my own damnation
and I wish for it to be dull!

Static wish

Astept noaptea fara tragedii subliminale,
insa patul ce scrasneste sub oasele-mi nearse
cauta neincetat cel de-al zecelea cerc
al Iadului.

Astept omul cuprins de euforia existentei,
insa halucinatia indusa iubire si monede
izbucneste in rafale puternice
de efemeritate.

Astept ceasul de intelepciune nediluata,
insa muntele de celuloza ma ingroapa,
fara slujba si fara mila,
in minciuna.

Astept un moment de cotitura,
insa apa si buzele se impletesc
intr-o carare multa prea
lina.

Astept.

Wretched mind

I urge you to take my mind

and baptize it into the ocean!

Free me from these dreaded ghouls,

famished demons,

unhealthy desires and grimy nights!

To stare for another minute

at hands that curse the windy dark

is just too much!

My lips quiver and my eyes find refuge

behind the cloak of a skull-

such a faith I wish to none!

But sweet redemption can be found

in the light that follows

a mysterious sunrise!

Oh,a blade of golden clarity

is enough to kill

any memory of nocturnal perdition!

Though curses leave a trail of faint miasma,
life and wonders prevail over
this cruel phantasm.

I urge you to take my mind
and lead it towards salvation!


I'm one nightmare away from a session with a shrink.

Clashing sides,clashing sights

...and everything I do has the same old face,
covered in wrinkles and painted
with a saddening appeal.

...and nothing ever makes me whole,
nothing fills my soul with the conscious
proximity of salvation.

...and everything I say fades away,
lost in the shadows of the person
I used to be yesterday.

...and nothing feels complete anymore,
nothing ever tastes like the wine and bread
once sent from above.

...and everything I see crumbles in vain,
it ends up damaging a wound
I thought would somehow heal.

...and nothing can bring back that smile,
that oblivious innocence I had
as a child.

...and everything I hear resembles the rain-
endless and heavy,burdened and plain,
a master I wouldn't myself obey.

...and I can't help but wonder
what my life's "2+2"
amounts to.

Condescending clouds

Ma judeca elementele naturii  pentru faptul ca nu stiu sa-mi folosesc libertatea.Ma ameninta cu furtuni si-mi fura notitele neglijente.Nu mai zic de picioarele pedepsite de un frig violet.Stiu,sunt slaba!Stiu,abuzez de propria-mi sansa!Stiu,sunt mai ceva ca un strat de polei in inima lui iulie!Dar cum sa redresezi o nava fara vele,vant nebun?!

Acest fenomen emana condescendenta prin toti porii .De asemenea,implica dobandirea brusca a unei constiinte gazoase si pete largi de bleumarin deasupra capului.Cum sa te certi cu un arbitru mut?Ba chiar imaginat?Incerc din rasputeri sa ma conving ca merita.Tot efortul,toata judecata nedreapta pe care mi-o asum.Poate ca  momentele cenusii se vor decolora candva suficient de mult cat sa formeze o solutie alba.Pana atunci,ma voi pleca in fata tribunalului ceresc.

Dar cu ce drept,prieten ubicuu?Cu ce drept iti arunci lacrimile de mila asupra paginilor mele manjite cu cerneala?Eu ma agat de o clipa,tu slujesti eternul!Nu mi se pare corecta sentinta asta de tunete si electrice nestemate!Daca truda mea efemera nu razbate,atunci nu merita si pace!

Renunt in favoarea acoperisului ingaduitor.Peretii nu ma arata cu degetul si nici nu invoca apa drept martor.Pana la urma,sunt capabila sa-mi masor singura pasii imprimati pe calea dintre atunci si prezent.Si voi  merge pe sub norii ingamfati mandra.Cu sau fara umbrela.

Lucid living

Married to a nocturnal mirage.
Bound to an indefinite movement of the clock.
Ensnared in a net of pure affection.
Menaced by the growl of my own conscience.
Weakened by the brightest star of my universe.
Entertained by a fictional adventure through time,space and souls.
Hurt by a cold touch from the sky.
Locked up in a warp of aromatic steams and divine clusters of music.
Enchanted by the sound of my own laughter breaking against the silence of the sunset.
Proud of a gift I wish to never return.
Content with the smallest miracles that make life worth living.
Dazzled by the wonderful ache that is beauty in all its shapes and forms.

"everybody is somebody's someone"

Salvation in the making

I'd trade my nightmares for pebbles
and throw them into the sea-
let the fish crash under the pressure
of all my famished fears!

I'd burn all the papers
which scarred my fingers-
may the ground feast upon
the insufficiency that lingers!

I'd bury my soul in clean sheets
of sun and solace-
if I can't have eternity,
might as well reap the moment!

I'd sink into the abyss
of every written story-
let my body become ink
and my mind unsigned bliss!

I'd embrace the entirety of beauty
with naked arms-
that miracle would destroy me,
but what an end to it all!

I'd erase sorrow and grief
by perishing as sacrifice-
for I can't bear another second
in the silence of the damned!

I'd give the world another chance
and grace it with new eyes-
the foundation is set to carry
the body of another Paradise!

The miracle of kitty life

You guys probably know by now that I tend to overshare.I read somewhere that it's because,being a self-proclaimed introvert,I'd much rather tell my personal problems and/or thoughts in a virtual environment than confess to my friends and family.Which I'm totally cool with.Because of reasons.Anyway...

I am currently extremely happy and shaky and full of undefinable feelings.The main reason for this array of emotional nuances is that I basically helped one of my darling cats deliver four balls of adorable fur.Yes,you might say that my sanity is on (permanent) vacation,but I had a feeling it would be today.Maybe it's because I had a rather suggestive dream last night concerning this matter (I was surrounded by cats-which is how my future looks like,more or less).Maybe it's because a have a History test tomorrow and I needed a good excuse not to study.Maybe it's because I have a uterus-you know,being a girl and all.Maybe it's because I've always felt very close to my pets in general.Maybe it was just meant to be like this.Irrelephant!

At first,it's a scary thing to experience.You're in denial of the fact that it's really happening now,even though everything around and inside you says "There she blows!"(sorry,poor choice of words).But,when it does sink in like the Titanic in the Atlantic Ocean(again,sorry),you become a full-on care machine.I'm skipping past the practical and a tad nasty details,they are not actually relevant.What matters is the fact that I proved to myself that I'm not squeamish,that I can handle a serious situation and that I didn't waste my childhood believing I would be a damn good nurse.

All in all,I'm delighted to welcome into the family such cute kitties and I hope they'll grow strong and playful enough to keep up with my silliness.Mazel tov!

A change in view

I'm not blaming the world anymore.It's a cloth I've outgrown and a song I've sung one too many times.I'm now old enough to know the difference between war and a quarrel.

Even so,there are things beyond my control: I cannot command death,nature's grasp escapes me,day follows night in a perpetual motion.But I can control what I wish to become after their hurricane has long been silenced: a shape or a shadow.The first suits me better.For time spent longing after things that should have happened is time lost mourning unborn realities.More so,the hours of ceaseless rage against all things that not converge with the word "I",in a feeble attempt to restore one's innocence to one's self,are hours we give away to an hourglass's tomb.

I am the world and the world exists between the walls of my being.Judging it would mean questioning reality itself.Now,as perfection is merely a desire,I cannot commit to loving a thorn as I do a rose.But compromise beats hatred.So,rather than an executioner,I will aim to become a priest of no religion.

Pictures fade.Words are forgotten.Names disappear.Events lose their strength along the way.The only balm for a withering body is a wholesome mind.But I do not wish to find wisdom after the first wrinkle.Why not start with an old mind in a young body and not the other way around?

I am not the smartest.Can I not acknowledge intelligence in others with an open heart?I am not the prettiest.Can I not admire beauty honestly in another's shape?I am not complete.Can I not bow down in front of those who have already won a battle and ended a journey?Love is easier to mistake for compassion when you diminish the truth in your favor.

I'm not blaming the world anymore.I am change.I am feeling.I am strong.

Balancing act

Ma bucur nespus de inca o noapte odihnitoare.
Ma inspaimanta rutina apasatoare din "cei mai frumosi ani" ai vietii.
Rad din tot sufletul cu cei care au mers patru ani pe acelasi drum cu mine.
Plang fara lacrimi pentru toti cei care nu aveau voie sa ma paraseasca.
Stiu ca va fi mereu o casa cu gard verde pe care s-o pot numi "acasa".
Nu stiu daca pot sa ma multumesc cu ce am sau trebuie sa-mi gasesc un scop inalt.
Daca ar fi nevoie sa aleg intre aur si cafea,cred ca as merge pe mana celui de-al doilea viciu.
Daca as avea posibilitatea de a-mi schimba trecutul,mi-as pastra greselile nealterate.
Cum sa nu-ti infloreasca sufletul cand citesti o carte?
Cum sa-nduplec timpul din cursa lui nebuna de a pangari tot ce atinge?
Imi amintesc de momentele senine si le ridic piedestalul cuvenit in marea tulbure.
Imi insusesc momentele tragice si daram tronul poleit cu fericire.

Poate ca nu este perfect,dar exista un echilibru in toate.

Amazing avenging

Remember my MARVEL craze from a few months ago?When all I really wanted was to run into the sunset with a cape fluttering behind me and marry every superhero in the universe?Well,it's back!No,I did not steal my mother's drapes.No,I did not convince Captain America to say "Yes!".And no,I most definitely did not accept Iron Man's proposition of "an open relationship". But (and that's one hell of a big but there) I did finally got around to seeing THE AVENGERS!(Yes,I am screaming in CAPS LOCK,but,in my defense,I have a lot of reasons to do so.)

First of all,I would like to point out the fact that,when you have all these amazing characters/actors in one single movie,it sometimes ends being a disaster.To my mind,it's because you have to focus on one too many things and,well,it's no secret many "celebrities"(gosh,I hate that word!) have a hard time getting along with each other.It's like watching a field full of beautiful and extraordinary unicorns which can't wait to stab one another while you're blinking.Not even Thor's hammer could stop that!Believe me,I'm from the Internet,I know things.

While I can't actually testify for what went down behind closed doors,I can pronounce myself on the final product which is The Avengers.'Cause tie me to the Tesseract,beat me with Loki's scepter and call Nick Fury,was it beyond all shades of AMAZING!

Now,I'm a good sport and I won't go rambling on and on about the story. I don't want to spoil the fun for the rest of you who wish to see the movie (Which you should totally do,like,right NOW!Don't wait for Hawkeye and Black Widow to persuade the very life out of you!).My lips are sealed for an undetermined amount of time-which is a true sacrifice taking into consideration that my internal fangirl screams grow stronger by the hour.Just go and see the thing,it will make you laugh,gasp,almost cry and drool over the special effects.Not to mention you will ,without doubt,fall in love with each and every person on that screen.Even the bad guy!(To be honest,mostly with the bad guy...But shhh!Spoilers!)
My incoherent materialization of feelings must end here-the need to "borrow" my dad's welding mask and to shoot imaginary laser beams in the front yard is overwhelming.Maybe a cup of coffee will calm me down.Or not...But remember these wise words when pondering whether or not to watch The Avengers:
"Hulk,smash!"

An old feeling in new clothes

I remember the struggle.
The heartache.
The nights that morphed into light without warning.
The days of unrequited love.
The diary under my bed.
The fight to conquer more and more.
The pain of seeing so many loved ones simply walk away.
The bitter coffee in the morning.
The smile that carried a thousand and one dreams.
The battles fought and the battles lost.
The smoke,the friends,the childish desires.
The shadows which used to cover the footsteps of my knowledge.
The constant fear of being only half a man.
The smell of sunscreen and my first kiss.
The fascination and wonder of old treasures.
The skin that trembled at Death's approach.
The obligations which never really ended.
The giggles that made a comedy so much more.
The bouncy curls and the colorful nails.
The repetitious chores.
The scent of clean sheets at the end of a hard day.
There is nothing new under the sun.

Under the troubled sun

nu mi-am inteles niciodata pornirile nihiliste,
nici setea de venin nefiltrat.
ma refugiez in natura dupa fiecare batalie,
insa nu incetez s-o patez
cu infinite temeri criptice.
lumea redusa la o harta fada
ma inghite cu pofta monstrului reinviat,
impletindu-si violent muntii cu apele
ce-mi inunda ochii din inima si cap.
caut cu indarjire oamenii de care fug,
ma plec in vesmant mandru ghilotinei,
sap dupa afectiune intr-un teren minat-
de cate ori trebuie sa strig cuvantul "paradox"
pana ce va fi ascultat?
relicvele trecutului prind luciul unui dezastru,
iar pasii umbrei devin din marunti
giganti;unde sa ma retrag?
nu stie pamantul ca i-a secat fantana,
nici pomul ca l-au taiat demult!
am cenusa pe buze si aschii in gat,
nu vreau sa ma retrag,
dar nu vreau nici sa plang!
ajung sa ma predau unei afrodite aurii,
in bratele careia magia frumusetii triumfa
asupra mortii celei line...

Vintage beauty

I can punish myself for not being enough.Burn that imaginary white page.Mourn all of the world's dead.Vanquish time and embrace the dark.Damn myself and all that I am.Blame the world for my failures.Smother my flaws before another gets a chance to.Deny the past and abolish the future.Disown the careless child that is the present.Hate others for their gold.Pray for demons.Cry and suffer.Scream at the deaf.Lose myself in a disappointment's maze.

I'd rather seek beauty and joy in all circumstances.Cherish the sun and never cease to find a heartbeat in a song.Read a good book.Feel all that there is to feel and never regret it.Watch a vintage film.Peel oranges with my bare hands from start to finish.Enjoy a new perfume.Love all men and women for who they are.Embrace my insufficiencies.Celebrate talent and its mirage.Appreciate what I have at this moment in time.Regain myself through true acceptance.

The day gravity quit

I'm seeing the world run a marathon,
while my body rests on a bed
of paralyzed emotion.
The thoughts which dwell in this
shabby skull are never to be trusted
and in need of something real.
I'm falling into a sea no deeper than a pond,
but my bones respond with riots
and my reason turns numb.
The seed was set to sprout in
everlasting glory-it seems the dirt
had other dreams to bury.
I'm letting myself crash into the sun,
thunder and lightning guiding a hand
stained with ink that looks too much like blood.
The flesh is disgusted by its own mortality,
impotence and miracle,damning gods
and praising them equally.
I'm telling my guts to swallow their premonition,
but all those years spent fearing the dark
are now claiming recognition.
The day is ending and the night grows menacing,
but neither can drown out the pain
coming from my heart's drumming...

Ghouls and desires

Orele tarzii ma linistesc.
Oamenii ma fascineaza.
Sunetele ma inunda.
Amintirile ma coplesesc.
Monotonia ma epuizeaza.
Soarele ma inspira.
Cuvintele ma definesc.
Marea ma cheama.
Pomii ma hranesc.
Gandurile intunecate ma pandesc.
Cafeaua ma indulceste.
Hartia ma intoxica.
Somnul ma ispiteste.
Sangele ma arde.
Scaunul ma alunga.
Hainele ma camufleaza.
Speranta ma dezamageste.
Caldura ma hipnotizeaza.
Nelinistea ma destrama.
Privirile demonice ma umilesc.
Hrana ma deprima.
Dragostea ma depaseste.
Pielea ma acopera.
Rugaciunea ma minte.
Sufletul ma invinovateste.
Viitorul incert ma pandeste.

Smoldering shiver

ne-nconjoara pasari de fum difuz,
plamanii se prabusesc,
fanfara din tample insista:
"acum...","acum...","acum..."-
cate talpi am pierdut
in pamant?
cine-mi promite cana cu apa
de la capatul unui drum?
cum sa deosebesc poteca cea buna
de un sarpe ratacitor?
ma misc in tandem cu toate intemperiile
nascute din timp si hranite cu temeri,
urnind stanci ce nu-mi erau menite.
de ma tarasc ori de-mi simt coloana neclintita,
mi-e totuna:
plumbul persista;si plumbul ineaca...
ne-nconjuram cu-o liniste macabra,
vocile asurzesc spiritul coastelor,
radiatia capata valente galbene:
"calatoare...","calatoare...","calatoare..."-
cate inimi mi-au cazut samanta
in tarana arsa?
cine ar tine companie unui strigoi?
cum gasesti o casa care sa-ti fie
"acasa"?
mi-e tare teama ca mi se va pierde calauza
in ceata...