sâmbătă, 2 februarie 2013

Talking to the ceiling

I have these moments when I need motivation more than air itself.Something to keep me focused,something to keep me from sticking my mental hands into every possible problem.So I call home and talk till my battery is almost dead,I drink insane amounts of coffee,I pace back and forth in an attempt to make this wicked room look bigger (which,naturally,doesn't work).I rarely forget my state of being,only to rapidly (and painfully) remember it all.Sleep,don't tempt me!You could become my downfall...

On the one hand,I love studying.On the other hand,I loathe studying.This paradox is less "Doctor Who" and more "kill me now" worthy than it should be.If I could,I'd cry for myself.

Do you ever get these pangs in your chest when you have the blackest of revelations?When you suddenly realize you'll probably have to bury your mother,your father,your grandparents and probably some friends?When you understand that the sole purpose of life is death?When you're covered in tears at the thought of the absurdity of it all?I hate myself for having moments like this.For hitting my temples to stop them from imagining those things.For feeling so damn alone and broken.I don't understand anything anymore...

I can't find comfort,not even when talking to the ceiling.A bed,a prayer,a way to forget and not feel...

3 comentarii:

Ale spunea...

These pangs in chest, I feel them too. I think it`s a warning from my brain... like I have to remember they`re not here for ever.
I think that this kind of confort, about you talk, is somewhere between the reality and dream, the place where you are still awake but dopey at the same time.

Rosaline spunea...

Ai un mic chestionar la mine pe blog, daca te intereseaza, intr-un moment de liniste sau, pur si simplu, de lipsa de ocupatie ;) http://timpulslujestedarnuexista.blogspot.ro/2013/02/o-chestie-draguta-pentru-manca-timpul.html

Adriana spunea...

Ale
I know and I agree.But,sometimes,it's hard as Hell even to remotely ignore reality and find comfort in some kind of a dreamy state,let alone find a balance between the two of them.

Rosaline
Multumesc frumos pentru "nominalizare" si promit sa trec prin chestionar cat de repede pot! :*