miercuri, 27 februarie 2013

Tongue tied in knots

It's funny and occasionally awkward when people seem to be under the impression that you're plain stupid instead of shy.
Well...Though I may not be a genius in the making or the first woman to walk on Mars,I know what I know,even if it's not all that much.
But to come and tell me I'm bad at something I'm otherwise good at only shows me how much I need to overcome my social anxieties,fear of attention and other such related issues.
I don't know whether to cry or laugh,to be honest!It seems too damn easy to just shut your mouth,smile and "be pretty" when put in situations involving lots of people,judgment and your personal image as a subject of scrutiny.Maybe all those things are demons dwelling merely in my head,but it's a hard feeling to shake off,man!Really hard...
It bothers me,though.It bothers me because I'm the type of person you can make or break with one word or gesture.My happiness/misery literally depends on a fragile balance between self-worth (hahahaha NO) and how I believe others to perceive me.
The more I write ,the more fucked up this sounds.I always knew reality is a bitch,this comes only as a reassurance.I have to somehow untie the knots in my tongue,calm down my heart and stop being so self-centered.Easy enough,right?Easier said than done,anyhow.At least it's not taking the ring to Mordor...
or is it?

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