vineri, 21 iunie 2013

Dark blue suit

It was delightful.He smiled the most charming smile,then took me into a menacingly pleasant embrace.I could feel every fiber of his dark blue suit,every tense muscle against my throat.His shoulders were both soft and firm,almost tender.I felt enclosed,caged,relieved.His right hand wandered from the small of my back and slipped downwards,grabbing and clawing like a predator would a most prized meat.I knew I was as good as dead,but I really didn't care.I was falling and he had caught me,even if only to throw me harder into the abyss.I became darkness.

It was the sweetest thing.He was fumbling with a bag,which I helped him open.That thankful smile was the most rewarding answer,while his hands lingered on mine.The train was racing,mountains and woods glided before our eyes through the large windows,faces I thought I knew smiled and passed between us.I started talking,mentioning some stupid detail about my short hair.He immediately noticed and complimented me with words I could swear were taken from my own mouth.He knew and I understood that in return.I closed my eyes and giggled.He knew...

It was hellish.The heat smothered me today and numbed me beyond recognition.My feet clung to the cold cement and dirt,even when my thoughts were filled with gory scenarios and fly infested images.I swear,sometimes I think there's not enough liquor in the world to quench the thirst of my nightmares,be them of day or night...I care too much about everything and everyone,worry too much,project too much,all at once.My heart pumped lava through my veins and my lungs folded steam-I can't function with a boiler on the verge of collapse for a brain...I saw crimson before my eyes,but not the lovely kind.

It was enchanting.My little brother,almost grown up!I barely remember sixth grade,but there must be a reason behind that.Incidentally,this was my school too,so seeing all my former teachers genuinely delighted to once again meet me stapled the biggest smile on my face for the rest of the day.It's peculiar and somewhat painful to compare how others see you with the way you perceive yourself.It gives you hope ,but nonetheless breeds disappointment.Even so,I felt so proud of my kid and his accomplishments and the fact that he is and always will be my little brother.How they grow!

It was...something.My day generally went from dream to reality,as it always does.When one becomes too much,I slide into the other.Makeshift memories,bulletproof senses,radioactive thoughts-my shoes don't need a mile to prove a point...Though I'd rather stay asleep,nightmares push me into a disturbingly similar alternative.Still,there is light even in the darkest of times...or places.

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