luni, 29 iulie 2013

Heat galore

Now,I don't want to frighten anyone,but I might have been contacted by aliens last night.Either that or my darling bad back has decided to throw in a few hallucinations to match the pain.
No matter how you take it,a hot summer night is not the time to be having creepy revelations about man's purpose and the price you have to pay for existing and all that unanswered bullshit I'd rather bury in the deepest,darkest corners of my fuzzy mind.Or is it...?
Man,I want to believe,but then I remember how life in itself is strange as fuck and then I need a drink.
So,after beer for breakfast,I'm much more confident about the fact that I don't have the slightest clue to anything.

Cooking in the middle of Satan's birthday,in the middle of a simmering kitchen,in the middle of a forming existential crisis:bless!If I can go through days like this without cursing my stars,then I'm most definitely on my way towards martyrdom.
But,for Pete's sake,does it get any hotter than this?!No,no,no,just forget I ever said that because somebody with a bloody wicked mind might actually hear me!
I'm seeing steam and red bubbles before my eyes,this is absolutely surreal...
Maybe the sun is melting.Maybe the aliens have something to do with this.Maybe I'm losing it because my freaking brain is boiling inside my skull!
I love summer,but not three summers packed into one.

Remember when I said a few days ago that grandma was probably teaching me how to cook because she wanted to see me married in the near future?Well,the joke just got serious tonight and I'm kinda losing my shit here.
To sum up,she told me something along the lines of finding a boyfriend (aka husband material) in the next five years so that I don't end up embarrassingly alone and so that she gets to see her first grandchild.I won't even mention I almost had a heart attack right there/right then-instead,let's take DEEP breath in and analyze.
Well,while I'm not entirely opposed to having a little ball of crying joy (I would make a fierce mother,trust me!),I'm not seeing "me+man=rest of our lives together".I mean...what?!
Don't get me wrong,I want to fall in love and all that,but I don't see it as a lasting thing...?!
There are so many thoughts racing through my mind right now,I don't even know where to begin...I'd rather go for "I still feel like a child,let's postpone this conversation for another five years,then postpone it again",but I realize I'm in my twenties and everything is suddenly VERY REAL and help...?!?!
How could somebody want me?Choose me?Settle for me?The fact that I'm picky as Hell doesn't help,obviously.Like I can afford THAT position...
And don't even try to cheer me up ,I'm not buying it today-though I know these lovely things might be coming from the heart,it's hard to temper with convictions I'm ashamed to call my own most of the time.
So yeah,another exciting night in the life of "me".I'm so damn stuck in this shitty state of mind that I can't even react somehow.
I'll just sleep my problems off and pray they'll be less poignant tomorrow.

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