vineri, 21 septembrie 2012

Mental nest

I will never be cool.Not now,not ever.It all became clear to me after I visited my old high school earlier today-you know,to sell some books,say "Hello!" to some teachers,stuff like that.And I felt as I always did in that building:out of place,small,unimportant and,most of all,sad.Really,really,really sad.Like I had lost something I never actually had.Yes,I was pleased to see so many familiar and dear faces.I even enjoyed that feeling of accomplishment and slight superiority.But...I'm still awkward.I'm still insecure.I'm still extremely self-aware.I'm still shy and I still have an enormous list of people-problems.To be honest,I highly doubt these things will ever change.They're engraved in my genes as are my brown eyes.To some degree,I'm proud of my weirdness.I may be wired wonky,but I can still make the best of it!If only it would stop being so damn cold and rainy!

I don't want to fall in love.Well,I do,just not now.Romance screws me up in all the wrong ways,like I'm a totally different person.I sleep funny,I eat in crazy patterns and I start thinking like a lunatic.Obviously,my frighteningly close college life is in no need of such silly behavior.But,taking into consideration my brain and luck,things will most definitely go according to plan...NOT.Alas!Que sera,sera...

Happy birthday,my dearest fairy!May the secretive moon always be your confidant and cherry trees blooming friends!I can't believe you're growing up,you,my sweet and real angel!A letter is on its way with all my wishes and hopes in ink,yet I still want to mark this wonderful day in as many words as possible.So,darling,close your eyes!Think of August.Bicycles.Tender music.Old towers.Blue volcanoes.Silly laughs.Infinity.Lovely memories.I'm there.I'm here.I'm everywhere.So are you!Happy birthday,my dearest fairy!

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