miercuri, 12 septembrie 2012

Raggedy girl

I'm starting to dislike myself more and more these days..."But why,sweet child?You have no reason to feel that way:you're young,pretty,healthy,nobody's dead...So smile and act accordingly!" one might say-well,no.And shut the fuck up,if you may!
First of all,I specifically refrained from using the word "hate"-that would just make me another bratty teenager,right?Right.And only God knows how tired I am of them!
Second of all,everything hurts.Literally everything.My teeth,my back,my knees,my mind,my flesh and my bones,anything you could imagine has decided to go on strike and book me a one-way ticket to a bedlam.It's ridiculous and sad and I'm starting to feel too old for my age...
Maybe it's the fear of change coming out through all the wrong pores.Well,shoving every thought about uni and going away from home for the first time in almost 20 years down the furthest corners of my being wasn't particularly the best idea I've had lately,but...Neah,that's it,that's part of the problem,no denying it.Man,I could've become a damn good shrink,couldn't I?
Anyway,it's all a haze:waking up,doing the same things,going back to bed,the usual.The only thing that does change is the amount of pain I have to process without going insane.Jesus,could I be any more pathetic?Don't answer that.
...guess I've got to count my blessings now.Family.Roof over my head.Cats and coffee.Good friends.Good books.Good music.Good art,in general.Working limbs.And,hey,I found shoes!Oh,what's the use...
I'm going to drink a lot of kid's medicine for my growing wisdom tooth and wallow in my own misery and nothing can stop me.

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