sâmbătă, 26 ianuarie 2013

Reading about reading

The more I read,the more I want to write.The more I write,the more I yearn to read.It's a vicious circle,an unfortunate triangle,a never-ending cycle.My beloved Hamlet's "To be or not to be" becomes a question not of life or it's foe,but one of creator versus creation: am I the merchant or the customer or both?Should I wear only one garment or do I need both cloaks to become whole?So many questions,so many yet to come...
I sometimes think myself mad,but I truly love authors,books,paintings,figures long ago perished,moving images with eyes only a lover could fathom.How many have I suffocated with my pleas for F.Scott Fitzgerald's heavenly concoction of letters?How many emotions have I damned and cried away in sweet sorrow as I stared at a cathartic screen?How many times have I been reshaped by colors and thoughts and distant faces?How much of me is actually me and how much am I a product of the world?What a gorgeous question,what a frightening answer...
It's always been about a balancing act,it always will be: standing on a thin line,on the edge of a page,equally drawn to both salvation and despair.On the one side,you have a world of the mind,infinite and everlasting;on the other,an almost sadistic dance of bones,flesh,rushed actions and menacing clocks.You can't have one without the other,they're bound in beauty and in blood.
Gosh,I miss summer!That raggedy chair,endless coffee cups,mesmerizing literature and sun-kissed  music.Look,my skin's tingling already at the thought of it all!But,if I gaze through the window outside right not,there's only snow,cold trees and silent birds,while I'm bearing the burden of solely reading about reading.What a paradox,right?Hemingway,Poe,Kierkegaard,where?How?When?
It's frustrating to read and not fully understand,but even more to read and not agree,then being "forced" to use those words as if they were ambrosia,not venom.If I ever become old,wise and "somebody",I hope nobody will have to go through the same things with my written thoughts.
Ecstatic and disgusted-there's no better way to put it.I'm living in the womb of something beyond logic and I'm ready to face the other side.

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